Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Movie Review: "The Pacifier" (2005)

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Movie"The Pacifier"
Director: Adam Shankman
Year: 2005
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 35 minutes

Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe (Vin Diesel) is given a special assignment to protect the family of deceased scientist Howard Plummer (Tate Donovan) and locate the top secret device Plummer developed.

"The Pacifier" is a family comedy directed by Adam Shankman, who has directed films like "Bringing Down The House," and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." It stars Vin Diesel as Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe. After scientist Howard Plummer, plated by Tate Donovan, is killed during a rescue mission, Wolfe is sent on a special mission to protect Plummer's family, made up of his wife Julie, played by Faith Ford, and their five kids, played by Brittany Snow, Max Thieriot, Morgan York, Keegan and Logan Hoover, who both play Peter, and Bo and Luke Vink, who both play baby Tyler. The family also has a pet duck, yes you read that right, and a borderline creepy nanny, played by Carol Kane. Also in the film are Lauren Graham, Chris Potter, and Brad Garrett.

"The Pacifier" is a film in the tradition of "Mr. Nanny" or "The Game Plan," where a big, muscle bound man is put in a parenting position that is the antithesis of his character because it's just ~*sooooooo funny*~!! The kids don't want him there, and he doesn't want to be there. They spend 95% of their time together making each other's lives miserable, that is, until they learn to care for one another and open up about certain life intricacies. The plot here mirrors the above mentioned movies almost to the tee.

Overall, "The Pacifier" is a pretty stupid movie. Vin Diesel plays what is essentially Dominic Toretto, which is essentially just Vin Diesel playing himself. Brad Garrett is really only in this movie to lead up to a joke where he wears a singlet to fight Wolfe in a wrestling/fighting match. It's an embarrassing low for his career, and more importantly, doesn't serve the plot and isn't funny in the slightest. Carol Kane plays a walking, talking eastern European stereotype as the nanny of the Plummer family as she mopes around in a gypsy-like way complete with scary eyes and a chip on her shoulder. Lauren Graham is Lauren Graham in everything she's ever been in, and while this isn't necessarily a bad thing, she's all but pointless as Diesel's would-be love interest. All of the child actors are brats who eventually have to come around and have a heart. There is a lot of cheesy, over the top action that gets to cartoonish levels, but almost always feels unnatural and unnecessary. This is like one of those movies that happened many moons ago that everyone involved would prefer you didn't remember existed. It's sort of shameful that we had to watch this disaster and we had permanent stink-faces the entire time it played.

My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 20%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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