Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Movie Review: "I, Frankenstein" (2014)

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Movie"I, Frankenstein"
Director: Stuart Beattie
Year: 2014
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

Frankenstein's monster (Eric Ekhart) is full of rage at the rejection he received from his creator Victor Frankenstein, so much so he murdered Victor's wife. Victor vowed to destroy the monster but froze to death while searching for him. Victor wasn't the only one looking for the monster: a demon prince named Naberius (Bill Nighy) has been hunting the monster in an effort to discover how to reanimate dead human tissue. Just as the demons are closing in, the Gargoyle order reveals itself and gives the monster the means to fight the demons. The Gargoyle queen Leonore (Miranda Otto) also names the monster Adam.  Adam spends the next few centuries hunting demons while they simultaneously hunt him, channeling the rage he has inside to descend all the demons to hell.


Sometimes when we see such a low rating on a movie, we immediately want to watch said film. Because of time wasting. Because of blogability. Because of our strange desire to see everything. Because, every once in a while, you find a rare "hidden" gem like "The Room."

Let us tell you, folks, we watched this piece of crap so you didn't have to. #YouAreWelcome

This is not a hidden gem.
In fact, it's not even close.
It's just bad.
We like Aaron Eckhart. We love Bill Nighy. We do not love this movie. And since I know they are reading our blog, you know guys, you can turn down movie roles.

The thing is, this movie takes "video game graphics" and quadruples the amount of them, as if to think adding a billion more CGI'ed action sequences makes this movie better. NOPE. The graphics aren't the worst we've ever seen in a movie, but they are just excessive in order to offset the fact that the story is stupid and the movie as a whole is lame. All of the gargoyles look the same, so it's basically only had to draw the thing one time and copy paste as nauseam. On top of that, it tries really, really hard to take itself seriously, as if to think that having the actors talk in deeper voices somehow legitimizes it into Hollywood greatness. There were certain parts in the movie that were supposed to be serious and we just ended up laughing at them. This is based on bad acting, poor directing, terrible script writing, and awful character descriptions, IE: THE GARGOYLE QUEEN. Come on!!

We're all for fantasy films, truly we are, it's one of our favorite genres. We know that sometimes they use terms that can sound silly (read: Unobtanium). Usually, we can get through them without giggling like children, but in this movie, coupled with all of the things listed above, we couldn't help but snicker through 92.765% of this movie. Perhaps it's the way the lines are delivered by the actors, which seems to be done in a way that even they can't believe the drivel they have to repeat.

Did the people involved in this movie owe someone a favor? It really seems that way because we can't understand why and how this movie got made in the first place. It's not like it made a crapload of money at the box office, either. It bombed in North America, and though it made its money back overall, 72% of the global box office total came from overseas. The fact that the director even thought this movie could have a sequel is laughable. At least we still have a glimmer of hope and faith in Hollywood to assume better of it and that there won't be a sequel. Please? Pretty please??? Hollywood gods.....please???

My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 4%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

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