Movie Review #430: "Alice Through the Looking Glass" (2016)

Movie: "Alice Through the Looking Glass"
Director: James Bobin
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 53 minutes

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Alice (Mia Wasikowska), now a merchant ship captain in danger of losing her ship, follows Absolem the butterfly (Alan Rickman) through a mirror back into Underland. Once there, she learns that Hatter (Johnny Depp) needs help because he believes his dead family is actually alive. When Alice thinks he is delusional and doesn't believe him, he falls gravely ill. Now, Alice has a plan to steal the chronosphere from Time (Sacha Baron Cohen), which will allow her to go back into the past and save the Hatter's family before they are killed and make his delusions true so he will get better.

Oh boy.

Disney's "Alice Through the Looking Glass" is a sequel to Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland," which was actually a sequel (of sorts) to Lewis Carroll's book "Through the Looking Glass," which was a follow-up to Lewis Carroll's book "The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland." James Bobin takes over the directorial duties for this sequel that brings us back to Underland. This shift in directors is most likely because Helena Bonham Carter and former director Tim Burton split up between the making of both films.

Much of the original cast has returned, including Mia Wasikowska as Alice, who is now a strong-willed captain of the merchant sailing ship that used to be her father's, named the Wonder. HA! Johnny Depp also reprises his role as the ever-annoying, vastly overused Mad Hatter. It's interesting to note Depp is billed above Mia Wasikowska in a movie called "Alice Through the Looking Glass." What?! Helena Bonham Carter returns as the villainous Red Queen Iracebeth, though she is given a bit of a different twist this time around. Anne Hathaway once again plays the White Queen Mirana, though she feels like a shoved in afterthought for some reason, and of course, the late Alan Rickman plays a much smaller part as Absolem the butterfly in this his final cinematic role. New to the cast, and a very welcome addition we might add, who aids in making this entire thing even moderately tolerable is Sacha Baron Cohen, who plays the all powerful Time. If we had to guess, many parents are probably turned off by the prospect of Cohen as the villain of this picture, since, you know, he's the same man who brought audiences the likes of "Borat" and "Bruno" Rest assured, Cohen keeps his naked sidekick and his exercise bikes at home for this one.

If you have seen the trailer, it makes it seems as if the character of Time is the villain of this film, which is not true at all. Time is no villain, and in many ways, Time is actually trying to save the world when Alice disrupts everything by stealing the chronosphere, which will send her back in time to help her re-do the Hatter's past in order to save his family. Time is actually quite a humorous, sympathetic character, and he is definitely the shiny spot on this large turd of a film. We wanted more time with Time, and he is by far the most captivating character in all of Underland. Speaking of sympathetic, the writers attempt to make the Red Queen a sympathetic figure as well, as her past is revealed and explained in detail despite her being the closest thing they have to a villain.

This is one of those movies where every problem that needs to be overcome by the protagonist is created by the protagonist. In an effort to help the Hatter, Alice is the reason everything keeps turning sour, and she actually makes matters worse more often than not. In turn, this makes the whole plot more of a personal journey for her where she learns life lessons along the way. Though "Looking Glass" attempts to claw some sort of emotion and depth out of this time travel twist, it comes off as vapid more than anything. It's all surface level emotion with no true meaning or profundity. On top of that, the story is so contrived. It isn't all that compelling, doesn't do or say anything new, and eventually becomes completely predictable. In fact, the most enthralling part of it all (besides the character of Time, as we mentioned) is the revelation that Alice is now a sea captain, which is merely a footnote at the beginning and end to give her something to do before and after her visit to Underland.

The best part of "Alice Through the Looking Glass" is its stunning, striking visuals. Unlike the original movie, the CGI here is much more clean and crisp. The vibrant colors bounce from one transition to the next and they don't feel the least bit dated. These are the visuals we wish we had seen the first time around but failed to get as they looked more like what you'd find from a mid-2000's clunker. What a massive step up in the graphics department. Unfortunately, no amount of cool visuals can make us get over how stupid the story is at the end of the day. We rolled our eyes dozens of times while watching this, and we really wanted to like this movie better than 2010's endeavor into Wonderland.

Even with Sacha Baron Cohen dragging the occasional chuckle out of us, these instances alone were not enough to make "Alice Through the Looking Glass" a worthwhile watch. Really, this sequel is simply forgettable, and judging by its opening weekend box office numbers, most of the movie going public felt the same way. This flick is already on its way to being one of 2016's biggest domestic turkeys, and it's only been out one flippin' week.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~30%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "Get Smart" (2008)

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Movie: "Get Smart"
Director: Peter Segal
Year: 2008
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 50 minutes

CONTROL analyst Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) dreams of one day being a field agent. Though he has just passed the field exam, he is too valuable as an analyst to get promoted. However, when the identity of all of CONTROL's field agents are compromised, Max finally gets his shot to prove what he can do. He is partnered with Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway), who luckily just had facial reconstructive surgery, keeping her identity secret. Together, they must try to stop an imminent attack by the terrorist group known as KAOS.

Directed by Peter Segal, "Get Smart" is the silver screen adaptation of the television show of the same name. It is not a direct remake, it's more like an indirect sequel, much like the movie "Dragnet" from back in the 1980's. It exists in a world where the events of the television show have already taken place, and we are simply picking up the story years later with updated technology and situations. It is not necessary to be familiar with the show to enjoy the movie, and since we didn't ever watch "Get Smart," we're glad because we really enjoy the film.

Steve Carell does a great job as this new, higher tech version of Maxwell Smart. He is someone who is very intelligent, yet socially awkward. He is a bit of a bumbler and gets flustered easily, but he always remains charming. Carell has always been an excellent casting choice for this style of role, and here, he is able to bring a lot of laughs with his sometimes dry and straight-faced delivery. Smart is also extremely dedicated to his job and is not afraid to give it his all in the name of success and bringing down the bad guys and gals. Anne Hathaway plays straight-woman to Carell's buffoonery. She is the talented, high skilled Agent 99, who doesn't think much of the inexperienced Maxwell Smart. The two of them are thrust together when the identities of all other CONTROL agents are compromised. They must find out where a terrorist attack is supposed to happen and prevent a bomb from being blown up somewhere on the planet. Hathaway and Carell have surprisingly good chemistry as partners. When Agent 99 doesn't believe in Smart, it only makes him work harder to prove her wrong. The romantic aspect of their storyline, well, we believe this to a lesser extent. We wish the writers of this movie would have thrown this portion of their relationship away because, to us, they work much better as just partners.

The other actors in the film include Alan Arkin, who plays the Chief of CONTROL. Arkin is one of our favorite actors, he offers up some quippy, fun dialogue as the Chief. Dwayne Johnson plays Agent 23, the physically buff, mentally tough idol of Maxwell Smart. Agent 23 uses his charm and charisma to make both Smart and the audience smile at his antics and muscles. Johnson, of course, is perfect for the role. David Koechner and Terry Crews play Larabee and Agent 91. They are the muscle-head jock types and get their kicks by picking on the other nerdy analysts. Terence Stamp lends his brilliant acting chops as the villainous leader of KAOS, Siegfried. He is also the perfect casting choice. Who better to play a cold English villain than Stamp, who is probably a cold English villain outside of acting? Finally, there is James Caan, who plays the President of the United States and is a clear parody of George W. Bush, who was in office at the time of the film's release. Caan gives an equally bumbling performance as Carell, but in a much smaller capacity.

With a great cast, some impressive action, and a lot of laughs, "Get Smart" is at the very least fun time, even if it slips into being a little over-the-top with its silliness. It's not a movie that will make you think very hard, it only asks that you give it a chance to make you chuckle at its spy-centered jokes and plot.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 51%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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One year ago, we were watching: "Pitch Perfect 2"

Movie Review: "MacGruber" (2010)

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Movie: "MacGruber"
Director: Jorma Taccone
Year: 2010
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

Former special forces soldier MacGruber (Will Forte) is brought out of retirement when a nuclear warhead is stolen by Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer), the man who murdered his wife.

Based on a Saturday Night Live sketch, "MacGruber" is directed by Jorma Taccone (of The Lonely Island fame) and stars Will Forte as the titular MacGruber. The character is clearly a parody of TV's MacGyver, as well as an amalgam of a few other characters from television and film, for example, Rambo. Like MacGyver, MacGruber refuses to use guns and has a preference for self-made gadgets instead. Where the two differ, however, is in their personalities. This character is vastly different, and unlike MacGyver, is MacGruber is arrogant, stupid, completely self-centered, and favors cursing. His is also supremely confident in his abilities, which involve a number of things, and even though he has won over a dozen Purple Hearts, how we do not know, his tactics nearly always manage to make things worse than better. He is a constant bumbler and often puts himself into bad situations, even though he can still rip out someone's throat like Dalton in "Road House." MacGruber himself isn't the most likable character and is even a little despicable, but his clueless nature about basic human interactions and his overly complicated means of escape provide for more than a few really big laughs. Luckily, Will Forte is able to create some self-deprecating comedy out of the whole unlikability of his character, and we appreciate the performance he gives in this movie. It's exaggerated, crass, and impolite, but hey, what isn't these days?

We never watched the MacGruber SNL skits, so we didn't have much of a frame of reference going into "MacGruber." Much like most SNL adaptations, the showrunners treat the story like they are introducing the character for the first time, so you won't get lost in the fray. Joining the aforementioned Forte are SNL alumni Kristen Wiig, who plays MacGruber's assistant Vicki St. Elmo, and Maya Rudolph, who plays his wife Casey, as well as Ryan Phillippe as Piper, his partner, and Val Kilmer as the villainous Dieter Von Cunth, whose name becomes a running joke throughout the film from the moment it is first uttered. MacGruber runs around espousing how "it's time to pound some Cunth," and other variations of this phrase get used as well. If you're offended by the real word, well, stay away from this film altogether because once it starts, it never lets up. Kilmer delivers more dry wit and insult style comedy as Cunth, and we actually really like him in this film. Kristen Wiig does her normal, sometimes silly routine, and Phillippe gets to be the straight man to all the craziness going on around him. Of course, it often delves into the lowest common denominator of toilet humor and penis gags, some of which fall flat, though there are a few laughs that squeak by here and there. And speaking of laughs, we did laugh far more than we thought we would, maybe more than we would like to admit.

"MacGruber" really does manage to make us laugh out loud a handful of times, but it also made us audibly groan the same number of times, and the bad outweighs the good here. It's sheer and utter silliness at its best, with a hefty dose of over-the-top violence, a slew of dick jokes, and many continuous, ongoing gags that will likely offend and isolate the majority of viewers in the first 10 minutes. Forte and Wiig are still excellent together, even if this movie is clearly a parody. We cannot fully recommend it because it's mostly idiotic, but it does take full advantage of its R-rating, which we appreciate.

My Rating: 5.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 47%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Hot Rod" (2007)

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Movie: "Hot Rod"
Director: Akiva Schaffer
Year: 2007
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 28 minutes

Deluded stuntman Rod Kimble (Andy Samberg) wants nothing more than to earn his stepfather Frank's (Ian McShane) respect through combat. When he learns that Frank has a heart condition that will cost $50,000 dollars to fix, he comes up with a plan to perform a huge stunt to earn the money and save Frank's life...so long as he can still kick his ass and prove he's a man.

Directed by Akiva Schaffer and starring his Lonely Island band mate Andy Samberg as the self-proclaimed, self-deluded slacker stuntman Rod Kimble, "Hot Rod" is a silly comedy that pokes fun at old 80's teen films with a stuntman twist. It plays with a lot of tropes from the teen genre, like needing a certain amount of money to save something/someone, and coming up with a plan by performing some kind stunt/entering a competition that will earn the exact the amount needed to save the day. If you think about it, this happens a lot in movies, and Samberg's Rod is the one that must save the day here. Rod falls somewhere between being a confident idiot and a lovable loser. He is constantly in a battle of muscle with his stepdad Frank, played by Ian McShane, and the two regularly throw blows at one another, though Frank's the one who connects with his shots. When it is discovered that Frank has a heart problem, Rod's first thought is to hold a charity event where he will break the current bus-jumping record on his moped. There's just one problem: Rod absolutely sucks at doing stunts. With the help of some friends, Rod goes on a quest to raise the money for Frank so, once he is better, he can finally kick his ass to prove to him that he is, in fact, a man. Joining Rod are his stunt team, consisting of Samberg's The Lonely Island band mate Jorma Taccone, who plays his brother Kevin, Bill Hader as Dave, and Danny McBride as Rico. All of these guys are pretty dumb, but friends stick together, right? An extra addition to the team comes from Rod's would-be love interest and the girl next door Denise, played by Isla Fisher, who is home from school and wants to help any way she can, and is oblivious to the fact that Rod is in love with her. Another notable but mostly absent member of this ensemble cast is Sissy Spacek as Rod's mom Marie, and we honestly have no idea how or why she and McShane agreed to be in this movie. Finally, Will Arnett plays Denise's douchey boyfriend Jonathan, who acts and feels like everyone is beneath him.

There is a lot about "Hot Rod" that is very familiar and very 80's, from the way people dress to the style of music the characters listen to. Hell, even the whole look of the town is quintessential mid-west in the 80's. If it weren't for a few modern cars and present day technological devices, you might almost think it was set in the 80's. The humor ranges from a lot of moments that are really funny to others that are just groan-worthy. Samberg's Rod is awkward, overly ambitious, and cocky. He gets a lot of screen time as the main character, so how you enjoy this movie will obviously directly relate to how much you like Samberg himself. He plays this stupidly relatable part well, though. There are members of this cast we like, such as Bill Hader, and others we aren't all that fond of, like Danny McBride. Hader is capable of pulling nearly anything off and is good here, but McBride plays the same obnoxious yokel in pretty much everything he does. At a mere hour and 28 minutes, it moves relatively fast, but if you're not into the humor or the acting, we can definitely see it feeling a lot longer than it is. Much of the film is hit or miss, and the entire thing falls just short of being something really good.

"Hot Rod" is one of those bad movies that's tolerable. You keep watching waiting for it to get better because you like most of the people involved, but you know you're kidding yourself if you call it a good movie when it's over. We still don't entirely hate it, try as we might. There are some funny jokes mixed in with some really bad ones, though the dumb humor is almost always overshadowed by its decent parody attempts. It's the definition of a guilty pleasure, and though it likely won't be remembered in the vastness of time, just because we weren't completely sold on it doesn't mean The Lonely Island guys should stop trying to make awesome comedies.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 40%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Weekend Box Office Results: May 27th, 2016 - May 29th, 2016

"X-Men: Apocalypse" demolishes "Alice Through the Looking Glass" as summer movie season kicks off

*all numerical information provided by boxofficemojo.com

Hey, movie lovers! Hope you had a great weekend! Here are your weekend box office results!

Darker days may have been so in "X-Men Apocalypse," but today, it's relishing in the glory of claiming the top spot at the box office this weekend. Though weaker than its predecessor, "Apocalypse" opened to the tune of $65,000,000. Its mixed critic reviews may have hurt its opening, but we say don't mind them, if you like the series, it's worth seeing in the theater! The second of this weekend's newcomers claimed the #2 spot, and that's "Alice Through the Looking Glass," which made just a fraction of what its original made. It made $28,100,000. Yikes. "The Angry Birds Movie" came in 3rd place by adding another $18,700,000 to its $66.3 million domestic total gross. "Captain America: Civil War" dipped a little over 50% from last weekend to pull in $15,135,000, bringing its domestic total gross to $372,610,984. "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising," which made $9,100,000 is falling fast and rounds out the top 5 this weekend. Its 2-week domestic total of $38,336,580. Summer movie season is upon us, and each of the next coming weeks brings another highly anticipated film to throw the box office results into turmoil! Ahhhh, can't you just smell the popcorn popping??

		This Week	Domestic Gross
1	X-Men: Apocalypse	$65,000,000	$65,000,000
2	Alice Through the Looking Glass	$28,100,000	$28,100,000
3	The Angry Birds Movie	$18,700,000	$66,353,309
4	Captain America: Civil War	$15,135,000	$372,610,948
5	Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising	$9,100,000	$38,336,580
6	The Jungle Book	$6,967,000	$338,478,909
7	The Nice Guys	$6,370,000	$21,733,672
8	Money Monster	$4,250,000	$33,902,226
9	Love and Friendship	$2,496,000	$3,489,548
10	Zootopia	$831,000	$335,874,645

**See you at the movies!!**

Movie Review #429: "X-Men: Apocalypse" (2016)

Movie: "X-Men: Apocalypse"
Director: Bryan Singer
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 24 minutes

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An ancient mutant named En Sabah Nur (Oscar Isaac), who perceives himself as a god, has been buried under and Egyptian temple for thousands of years. He wakes up in the 1980's and goes on a search for the most powerful mutants to imbue with power. These are his Four Horsemen: Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Angel (Ben Hardy), Storm (Alexandra Shipp), and Psylocke (Olivia Munn); he wants these devotees to help him destroy the world so he can start it new. With mankind rendered helpless, the X-Men join forces to stop the impending apocalypse.

"X-Men: Apocalypse" is the third film in the "X-Men: First Class" series, the sixth overall X-Men film, and the ninth to take place in the X-Men universe. Savvy? This is the fourth from this universe to be directed by Bryan Singer, and he has certainly moved this installment into some very dark themes and territories. This film boasts a massive cast. Many actors reprise their roles from the previous films in this universe, and a host of newcomers fill out both new to the series roles and those that have been previously played by other actors from the old series timeline. Keeping up with all this timeline stuff? Returning are James McAvoy as Professor X, Michael Fassbender as Magneto, Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique, Nicholas Hoult as Beast, Rose Byrne as Moira Mactaggert, Evan Peters as Quicksilver/Peter Maximoff, Josh Helman as Stryker, and Lucas Till as Havoc. New to the cast are Oscar Isaac as En Sabah Nur/Apocalypse, Sophie Turner as Jean Grey, Tye Sheridan as Cyclops, Kodi Smit-McPhee as Nightcrawler, Ben Hardy as Angel, Alexandra Shipp as Storm, and Olivia Munn as Psylocke. Say this 5 times fast. All of these characters, with the exception of Apocalypse, have appeared in a previous X-Men film, only portrayed by different actors. Not only is this a massive cast, but it includes a ton of damn fine actors, many of which give very good performances. Not all performances are created equal, but more on this later.

There are a lot of things to love about "X-Men: Apocalypse." The standout performance in this movie is the titular mutant himself. Oscar Isaac, who is fantastic in everything, finds a way to sift through the movie's few flaws and deliver what we feel is a worthy performance. With a menacing voice, he is able to captivate others into following him to destroy the world. Other critics have mentioned not liking Isaac's performance, that his essence is stripped down and many of his good qualities are taken away, only to be hidden behind blueberry colored body paint. We disagree. Apocalypse might not be physically intimidating, but his words are enough to build armies, even if these words are essentially multiple versions of the same sentence. Of course, Isaac cannot change what the script contains, but he sure as hell gives it his all. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender, once again, remain flawless casting choices for Professor X and Magneto. They really amp up the feels when it comes to Magneto reacquainting himself with his powers. There is a very heart-wrenching scene in the film that nearly made us cry, and Fassbender pulls it off with stellar emotions. Can't Magneto ever catch a break McAvoy's Professor X assumes a bit of a different role this time around, but he plays it so picture perfectly that we would watch an entire Professor X movie on its own. Their relationship, even when strained, makes for good on-screen chemistry and drama.

Quicksilver, played once again by Evan Peters, absolutely steals the show. His use in such a dark film like this is just what the audience needs to take a comedic break from all the destruction. Between the quick-witted quips and the CGI-assisted visual gags, Peters is the perfect choice for this role, and his scene here rivals the one he had in "Days of Future Past." Kodi-Smit McPhee also proves he is an excellent casting choice for Nightcrawler and he plays the part with charisma, pride, and conviction. Tye Sheridan, who we have really come to love from movies like "Mud" and "Joe," is another example of expert casting. His Scott Summers/Cyclops mirrors that of the performance James Marsden gave many years ago. It will be interesting to see where any future films take his character. There is one scene and character that the second trailer for this movie spoiled, so we won't talk about it in detail here in case you haven't seen it, but just know, this scene is amazing. Another welcome addition amongst the darkness.

Now, for the bad. We love the character of Jean Grey, but we feel Sophie Turner is a little too dry for such a pivotal character. There is one scene towards the end that doesn't require Turner to say anything, which is the best scene featuring her character. Nearly all of the other Horsemen, apart from Magneto, are underutilized and underdeveloped. Olivia Munn's Psylocke might look like she's came straight from the comic books, but to us, she looked more like a cheap version of Psylocke cosplay. We can see the headline now: "sword-armed stripper invades Auschwitz." Storm, played by Alexandra Shipp, and Angel, played by Ben Hardy, serve very little purpose, though we like Storm's overall character resolution and wouldn't mind seeing Shipp play her again in a future film. Shipp is able to keep her African accent, unlike Halle Berry from the original timeline, who dropped it by the wayside mid-movie. As much as we like Jennifer Lawrence, we are getting a little tired of how they utilize her as Mystique. Like a lot of other fans and critics, we now think she is being overused in this series. Lawrence feels like she's phoning it in this time around. It's almost like she knew she was contractually obligated for three films, so she doesn't offer up her best possible performance and it certainly shows. Plus, and this may have been a studio decision to bank upon her name and face, but Mystique spends too much time on screen out of her blue makeup. Compare this to Rebecca Romijn from the original movies, who was rarely if ever out of costume...and she was a Victoria Secret model.

"X-Men: Apocalypse" does offer up a visual spectacle that can delight your senses, though there are a couple of instances where the CGI looks hokey. There is some fun action here, as well as some tragic, deeply emotional moments. Unfortunately, there are also times where the movie feels pretty slow because there are so many characters and there is so much to put into the film, it takes a while to process what is happening before it finally settles in and gets going. The one thing "X-Men: Apocalypse" does well is, unlike other recent films, it balances light and dark themes. It can go from being deeply emotionally moving and sometime extremely violent to a joking, fun time and it rarely if ever feels out of place. In the end, this is a solid addition to the X-Men universe, not the best film in the series, but certainly not the worst.

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~48%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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One year ago, we were watching: "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome"

Movie Review: "Snitch" (2013)

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Movie: "Snitch"
Director: Ric Roman Waugh
Year: 2013
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 52 minutes

Jason (Rafi Gavron), a first offender, is arrested on drug charges that could have him facing at least 10 years in prison. John (Dwayne Johnson), Jason's father, offers to bring the police a bigger drug dealer in exchange for a reduced sentence for his son. Now, this average dad must go undercover and lead federal prosecutor Joanne Keeghan (Susan Sarandon) to a big arrest in order to save his son.

Loosely, and we mean very loosely based on a true story, "Snitch" is a drug crime drama directed by Ric Roman Waugh. It stars Dwayne Johnson as John Matthews, the owner of a trucking company. John's 18-year old son Jason, played by Rafi Gavron, has just been arrested on drug charges and is facing 10 years in prison despite being a first time offender. The subject of this movie is actually based on a Frontline special that was a condemnation of America's minimum drug sentencing laws. It would appear "Snitch" initially has the same goal as the Frontline episode, but it gets lost along the messy way. Jason is set up by a friend, a friend who is a drug dealer working with the DEA in what is a clear case of entrapment. Any competent attorney knows that a case like this could get thrown out of court very easily.  However, this is a movie, and filmmakers need their accused to not only be sympathetic, but to be a clear cut innocent victim of circumstance, laws be damned. Jason won't snitch on anyone, but his father John is more than willing to work with federal prosecutor Keeghan, played by Susan Sarandon, to set up a few more drug dealers to get his son a reduced sentence. So, a man with no criminal record and no knowledge of drugs or crime or anything related to that world is allowed to go undercover. He has one of his employees named Daniel, played by Jon Bernthal, who just happens to be an ex-con, introduce him to a few local dealers. Oy vey, the suspension of disbelief.

The rest of "Snitch" is your standard action thriller with a hefty dose of father/son/ex-wife/new wife and new kid drama throw in for...what exactly we're not sure because we never once felt bad for Jason. This whole thing winds up delivering the message that laws like this actually work as intended, that arresting small time drug dealers and threatening them with unreasonable jail sentences leads them to turn state's evidence on their suppliers all the way up the chain of command to a major cartel player. HA HA HA. It's laughable, really. Beyond its failure to accurately deliver its message, "Snitch" is also extremely slow moving and mostly flat out boring. Unlike other intolerable films starring The Rock, here, it's as if Johnson has been told to turn all of his natural charm off in favor of brooding drama. He gives such a subdued, robotic performance that it became hard to root for him to succeed. Johnson is not terrible in this, mind you, it's only that his best qualities, the ones that make him so appealing in the first place, have been entirely stripped away. We love you, Dwayne Johnson, but dude, drama ain't your thing. There are a few supporting characters that are decent here, especially those played by Susan Sarandon, Jon Bernthal, and Barry Pepper, though Pepper's facial hair may make you frightened at the sight of it. The lesser known people in the supporting cast, mostly those fleshing out the drug gangs, are downright terrible and really hard to watch. We're not sure if any of them are actually actors or if they were people with real life experience in such a subject matter, but their screen presence made for a difficult watch.

We're not going to lie, "Snitch" lost us in the first 15 minutes and never won us back. After a clear disregard for real state laws, an unsympathetic son, and a complete disconnect with his father figure, sitting through nearly two hours of this movie made us happy that it was over.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 56%
Do we recommend this movie: No.
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One year ago, we were watching: "Welcome To Me"

Movie Review: "Tooth Fairy" (2010)

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Movie: "Tooth Fairy"
Director: Michael Lembeck
Year: 2010
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hours, 41 minutes

A hockey player named Derek 'The Tooth Fairy' Thompson (Dwayne Johnson) has a cynical outlook on life after an injury sent him from the NHL to the minor leagues.  One night at his girlfriend's house Derek starts to tell her daughter, who has just lost a baby tooth, that the Tooth Fairy is not real. This causes him to be summoned to fairy land where he is convicted of being a dream killer and sentenced to two weeks as an actual Tooth Fairy.

Directed by Michael Lembeck, "Tooth Fairy" is a family fantasy comedy starring Dwayne Johnson as hockey player Derek 'The Tooth Fairy' Thompson. He got his nickname by knocking out the teeth of his opponents on the ice. Derek has a relatively cynical outlook on life due to the fact that an injury sent him packing from the NHL back down into the minor leagues. He has a habit of crushing the hopes and dreams of children who have aspirations of being professional athletes, rock stars, or even those who believe in the tooth fairy. Jaded doesn't even begin to cut it. After he lets it slip to his girlfriend's daughter that there might not be a tooth fairy, Derek is summoned to Fairy Land, where he is sentenced to work a couple of weeks of backbreaking labor...as a tooth fairy. If you didn't think The Rock could stoop any lower in terms of his standards for picking movie roles, you were dead wrong.

We have said it many times on this here blog: Dwayne Johnson is a charming guy. He has a great, killer smile, a goofy demeanor, and it's truly difficult not to like him. But, despite all his charm, he can't really do much to help elevate "Tooth Fairy" from being an idiotic mess. It is a formulaic family redemption story that is completely by the book with no variation whatsoever. A guy with bad attitude about life and bitter about his experiences has a life-altering event happen to him and then things start to turn around until there's a big mess up, followed by a really sappy and sad bit before the ultimate redemption and a happy ending. There you go, you don't need to see the movie. We can handle a paint-by-numbers plot to an extent, so long as it has something else to fall back on, like if the characters are compelling, or the dialogue is intriguing, or if the movie is even the slightest bit funny, or if the story has some interesting twist...but here, there's nothing. None of this happens! The characters are a joke, the dialogue is full of dental puns, the jokes are as flat as a week old soda pop, and we know where the entire thing is going to go before it even starts. Sure, Johnson flashes his million dollar smile in a tutu, but it's just not enough to sustain a movie, even one intended for kids and families. They can't all be winners, we guess. The bottom line is, this film is beneath Dwayne Johnson, and Ashley Judd, and Julie Andrews, and even Stephan Merchant. We doubt anyone over the age of 12 would find "Tooth Fairy" entertaining.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 3.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 18%
Do we recommend this movie: No.
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One year ago, we were watching: "Little Boy"

Movie Review #428: "The Darkness" (2016)

Movie: "The Darkness"
Director: Greg McLean
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

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While on a family camping trip near the Grand Canyon, a young autistic boy named Michael (David Mazouz) stumbles upon a hidden cave. There, he finds five stones with Native American carvings etched on them. He removes the stones from their altar and brings them home, unwittingly freeing some ancient demons who begin tormenting his family.

"The Darkness"? More like "The Dumbness."

This horror/thriller is directed and at least partially written by Greg McLean. One might assume that, even with a PG-13 rating, a good script might facilitate a decent viewing experience. Let us tell you, folks, "The Darkness" falls apart after 5 short minutes with its horribly constructed story, its terribly written script, and its stupidly mundane plot. It stars Kevin Bacon as an architect named Peter Taylor, and Radha Mitchell as his wife Bronny. This is a couple who has clearly had a lot of troubles recently, judging by the fact that they cannot go one conversation without fighting. They have two children: an older daughter name Stephanie, played by Lucy Fry, and a younger son named Michael, played by David Mazouz, who is autistic and appears to be cared for by Bronny quite intensively while Peter is constantly at work. Unfortunately, all of these characters, including Michael, are unlikable from the start, making us not give a flying you-know-what about them over the course of this "horror." Peter has cheated on his wife in the past, and even when he says he's sorry, he doesn't sound like he means it. Many of their problems as a couple look like they stem from this event. Bronny is an alcoholic. It appears as though she is off the sauce, but with all she's going through, well, who wouldn't take a swig every now and then? Lucy is bulimic. She has posters of stick-thin models plastered all over her walls and stares at them as she pukes into containers that she puts under her bed. For some reason, even in the very first scene she's on the screen, Lucy is a raging bitch, incessantly screeching at the top of her lungs at her mother, even getting into a physical altercation with her at one point. Michael is poorly portrayed. Michael's autism is used pretty heavily in the script as a plot device to explain and excuse his "bizarre" behavior, as well as later in a predictable resolution we called within 10 seconds of its disclosure.

Beyond its awful characters, "The Darkness" is a poorly constructed film from every possible standpoint. The editing and narrative seem choppy. Characters are introduced for little to no reason and disappear instantly, never to be mentioned again. Scenes bounce from one place to the next with what feels like plot holes, but we are a more willing to bet its problems come from its incapable, inexperienced writer and director. This film is as formulaic as it gets. We often talk about the phrases "horror movie cliches" and "horror movie 101." These are the contrived, trite instances you see in almost every horror movie, good and bad: jump scares, loud noises, animals seeing things before humans do, shadows lurking in the darkness, lights flickering, hand prints appearing, doors opening randomly, etc. All of these, and some we haven't even named, happen in this movie's 92 minute run time over and over and over in a nauseatingly bad way. The catalyst for everything that happens here stems from Michael disturbing an ancient Native American ruin. Instead of explaining what's wrong and how to remove this entity, our characters simply find videos online that describe the problems they're having in perfect detail, and share them with one another in multiple scenes of exposition. Luckily, Peter's boss and his wife have the phone number to a spiritual cleanser who can effectively solve their problem! WOW!! How convenient!! It's all so expected and much too neat. This movie doesn't take any chances, or do anything new, or create anything remotely worth watching.

Beyond all these contrivances and unlikable characters, the biggest flaw of "The Darkness" is how utterly boring it is. There is not one moment, not one single scene that captured our attention, nothing to gain our interest in this film. It simultaneously tells a monotonous story and fails to build tension with it, cheapening the entire thing with inadequate, flat jump scares that do not elicit the slightest reaction when the volume is cranked up to 11. We were seriously more scared during "The Brave Little Toaster." Not even Kevin Bacon can do anything to elevate this crapfest beyond the banal drudgery it is.

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 5%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "The Mummy Returns" (2001)

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Movie: "The Mummy Returns"
Director: Stephen Sommers
Year: 2001
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 10 minutes

Rick (Brendan Fraser) and Evelyn (Rachel Weisz), now married with a young son named Alex (Freddie Boath), work as archaeologists. They are looking into artifacts surrounding the legend of The Scorpion King, who is said will rise from the underworld to lead the army of Anubis to wipe out the world. Meanwhile, the reincarnated love of Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo) attempts to once again resurrect him so he can kill the Scorpion King (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson) and take control of Anubis's army for himself.

"The Mummy Returns" is the sequel to 1999's "The Mummy," a guilty pleasure movie of ours. Stephen Sommers returns as director to this installment that, though released just two years later, takes place eight or nine years after the events of first movie. This is mainly done to add a plot device...oops, sorry, we mean a little kid into the story as the child of Rick and Evelyn, who are again played by Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz respectively. The two of them are now married, are both working as archaeologists and live in London. Their young son's shenanigans both save the lives of his parents and act as a catalyst for the events occurring in the film, depending on what the script requires in each scene. Make no mistake, this is the only reason a child was added into the film in the first place. "The Mummy Returns" also marks the feature film debut of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, who plays The Scorpion King. Though he only has a few minutes of actual screen time, this film was enough to catapult Johnson into the highly sought after star he is today. Once Imhotep is resurrected, Rick and Evelyn must find a way to stop him before he takes over the world.

While watching this movie for probably the first time since 2001, we couldn't help but feel it's less like a sequel and more like a self-referential parody. Instead of being an average, sometimes thrilling action adventure, "The Mummy Returns" is quick to rely on multiple instances of Brendan Fraser calling back to the original film, hamming up how this is a complete rehash of that story and very little else. While he's not wrong, it's painfully obvious that we've seen this exact same movie, only done better two years earlier. The action sequences are much more goofy this time around. Instead of actual legitimate thrills and a few moments of horror, the sequel wants everything to be a massive slapsticky joke. This is the most apparent during the scene on the bus where everyone is fighting against Imhotep's undead army. Rick exclaims, "Not these guys again!" Oh yes, these guys again. We also can't talk about "The Mummy Returns" without talking about how bad the CGI is. It is not just dated, it was bad even by 2001 standards. The final conflict with the Scorpion King himself remains some of the worst CGI in a major motion picture and big time blockbuster we have ever seen. It's 1991's "Lawnmower Man"-level CGI, only a full decade's worth of technological advances later. We've never seen a director so openly throwing up their hands in acceptance of such mediocrity from their special effects crew. It's as if Sommers said, "well, we can't do any better, so this is what we have to go with." In addition, the film moves at a snails pace to its awful and underwhelming conclusion that it's hardly worth how long it takes to get there in the first place.

Except for a couple of entertaining action sequences, "The Mummy Returns" is a clunky, misguided mess of bad graphics and corny dialogue. The acting is somehow worse this time around, and add an inexperienced child actor into the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster. Nothing redeemable about this sequel is enough to make us recommend it, so steer clear unless you really dare.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 47%
Do we recommend this movie: No.
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One year ago, we were watching: "Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior"

Movie Review #427: "The Nice Guys" (2016)

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Movie: "The Nice Guys"
Director: Shane Black
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 37 minutes

A private investigator named Holland March (Ryan Gosling) and a muscle-for-hire named Jackson Healy (Russell Crowe) get involved in a missing persons case that involves a porn star, an activist, the department of justice, and Detroit auto manufacturers. When everyone involved in the case starts turning up dead, Healy and March start to wonder if they are in over their heads.

Writer and director Shane Black is no stranger to neo-noir dark comedies featuring a rag-tag duo. In fact, it seems to be his niche. His film "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" garnered a strong cult following and hefty critical praise, and now, Black presents his latest crime comedy, "The Nice Guys," in the hopes that it will receive the same acclaim with a little more commercial success. So far, it has! Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe star as private investigator Holland March and muscle-for-hire/unlicensed private dick Jackson Healy. Gosling's Holland March specializes in a niche market himself, typically working for elderly customers who are looking for their loved ones. He has most recently been hired by Mrs. Glenn, played by Lois Smith, who claims to have spotted her niece, porn star Misty Mountains, played by Murielle Telio. There's just one problem: Misty Mountains has just died in a car wreck. The person he did see, however, is a girl named Amelia, played by Margaret Qualley, who has now become a person of interest to him. This is how March meets Jackson Healy. Amelia hires Jackson to beat March up in order to get him to leave her alone. Healy finds himself thrust in the mix when two other men who are looking for Amelia come to his home and threaten him, so Healy turns around and hires Holland, the man he just beat up. You dig? The pair of mismatched men must pool their resources and find out what the hell is going on.

Shane Black has a knack for putting together two people who you might not normally associate with each other through his expert, tongue-in-cheek writing, his excellent camerawork, and his dark sense of humor. The best thing about "The Nice Guys" is the chemistry between Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling. Right off the bat, you can tell the two of them work extremely well off of one another, pushing each others buttons and ruffling each others feathers like old pals. Crowe's Healy serves as the more brash-and-smash of the two, yet is somehow more composed and collected. Gosling's March is a bit of reactive mess, but clearly has excellent private investigator skills once you peel back the layers of booze. It helps that the script is full of devilish whit, goofy slapstick, and some extremely well written banter, in addition to what we can only assume is a moderate amount of improvising by both Gosling and Crowe. The way these characters are crafted is pure and simple magic. In addition, there are also some great supporting characters, too. Matt Bomer is menacing as John Boy, and though he is not in the film for long, he really was a fantastic casting choice for such a part. Keith David's Older Man is always around when you don't want him to be. It's nice to see David still popping up here and there. Finally, the breakout star of the film, young Angourie Rice, who plays Holland's daughter Holly. Rice is superb as the sneaky, snarky, too old for her age Holly. In many ways, she's really the best thing about the film as she is both smart, funny, and has a wonderful rapport with both Gosling and Crowe as they all find themselves working this case.

There are tons of laughs throughout this film. As a dark comedy, the jokes and humor mainly come from the plot's slightly twisted situations, but we are just the audience to be entertained by such a story. Be aware, "The Nice Guys" is not for everyone, and it takes someone a little messed up in the head to be intrigued by a story with so much sex, drugs, death, and dated 70's style. There are also some great action sequences as well, most of which are intentionally over-the-top and silly. The overall feel of the movie is both cool and downright fun. The clothing is outrageous, the hair is bulbous, the cars sleek, the lingo hip for the time, everything comes together expertly to make an amusing, riotous, pleasurable viewing experience. For us, "The Nice Guys" is the type of film we crave to watch. This is an unequivocal must see film, especially for those who are into dark comedies and crime mysteries.

PS: UNBLOCK US ON TWITTER, RUSSELL CROWE.

My Rating: 9/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: 8.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 91%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
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One year ago, we were watching: "Pitch Perfect"

Movie Review: "The Rundown" (2003)

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Movie: "The Rundown"
Director: Peter Berg
Year: 2003
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

Beck (Dwayne Johnson) works as a muscle for hire, who either finds people or retrieves money for his boss Walker (William Lucking). He has been trying to get out of that business and open his own restaurant. However, Walker has just offered him a seemingly easy job that will pay $250,000 and allow Beck to get out of debt and fulfill his dream. All he has to do is go to Brazil, find Walker's son Travis (Seann William Scott), and bring him home, a task that proves to be far more difficult than expected, especially after Beck has a run-in with a local businesses man named Hatcher (Christopher Walken), who uses his private army to oppress and exploit the local workers.

Remember when Seann William Scott was a thing???

Director Peter Berg gives Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson his second leading role in the film "The Rundown." After the box office success of his first starring role, "The Scorpion King," many thought The Rock was the immediate heir apparent to be the new leading action star in Hollywood, hoping he could replace aging old timers Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. Schwarzenegger even has a cameo in this film where he wishes 'The Rock' "good luck" as a symbolic passing of the torch. Unfortunately, this movie didn't do all that well at the box office, only pulling in $80 million worldwide on an $85 million budget. Despite its lack of success, this isn't a terrible action film. Sure, the script is pretty darn silly, it's quite mindless, and it's all over the place, but what pure action movie isn't? There is no doubt there's some fun to be had here. We think part of this is because The Rock is just so damn charming and full of bright, bubbling, self-effacing charisma, you can't help but like him and support him in whatever job he's doing. It also helps to have a well known veteran actor like Christopher Walken as the villain in a film like this. The way Walken delivers his lines as Hatcher is always a good time, his diction fierce and his facial expressions ranging from zany to intimidating. Seann William Scott was at the top of his game in the early 2000's. Though he tends to stick to comedies dealing with a lot of sex, he occasionally ventured elsewhere in his career, but nearly always maintained his joking ways. Scott as Travis is also good for a laugh as he puts on yet another performance as his typical likable douche persona.

Since this is an action film first, of course, action movie physics are in full effect. When people are punched or kicked, they go flying 10 to 15 feet. When our two protagonists fall down the side of a mountain, hitting every tree and rock imaginable, they get up with hardly a scratch on them. In a gun fight, no matter how outnumbered they are or how many bullets fly in every which direction, our hero is never hit once, and when he shoots, he never misses. If we really tried to scrutinize or pick apart the script, it would immediately unravel because of course it would. There are times when characters are pointlessly introduced never to be seen again, and other times where loose ends aren't really tied up neatly. There are also many instances of bad acting here. Rosario Dawson, who we usually don't have a problem with, tries to put on a Brazilian accent and it sounds way beyond terrible, cheesy, and fake. All this being said, "The Rundown" is still a relatively enjoyable ride as long as you just turn off your brain on the way to the couch.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 71%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Alice in Wonderland" (1951)

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Movie: "Alice in Wonderland"
Director: Clyde Geronimi and Wilfred Jackson
Year: 1951
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hours, 15 minutes 

A young girl named Alice (Kathryn Beaumont) follows a white rabbit (Bill Thompsom) down a hole into the fantastical world of Wonderland, where nonsense is the norm.

Alice in actual Wonderland, not Underland like some people insist. *cough* Tim Burton *cough.*

Disney's 1951 animated film "Alice in Wonderland" is an adaptation of the Lewis Carroll novel "The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland." It also has some elements of the followup book "Through the Looking Glass." Like most of Disney's animated features of this era, it is a vastly truncated version of the story with a rather short run time for easy consumption by younger audiences. The story here is extremely simple. It is about a curious little girl named Alice, voiced by Kathryn Beaumont, who becomes enamored with a white rabbit wearing a waistcoat and carrying a watch. The rabbit, voiced by Bill Thompson, is constantly exclaiming how late he is, and Alice cannot understand what a rabbit could possibly be late for. She becomes obsessed with finding the answer to her question, which leads her down a rabbit hole into Wonderland. Once there, she continues her pursuit of the White Rabbit, but runs into many different characters along the way. These other characters consist of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, both voiced by J. Pat O'Malley, The March Hare, voiced by Jerry Colonna, The Mad Hatter, voiced by Ed Wynn, The Cheshire Cat, voiced by Sterling Holloway, The hookah smoking Caterpillar, voiced by Richard Haydn, and of course, the ill-tempered Queen of Hearts, voiced by Verna Felton, who has a deep love of decapitating people.

When Alice lived her everyday life, she would dream of a nonsense world like Wonderland, full of creatures and potions and all sorts of new things. Once she found herself in such a place, however, now, all she wants to do is find her way back home, which is a pretty common tale in fantasy adventure films like this. As with most old school Disney affair, there are some great memorable songs in the movie, as well as some quotable dialogue to boot. The animation is extremely imaginative and very colorful. The world of Wonderland is a whimsical, magical place, and this really adds to our enjoyment of the overall experience. The surrealism of Wonderland might be visually compelling, but unfortunately, this film is not perfect. It might have some great voice over work, but it essentially consists of Alice meeting numerous characters over and over again until the entire thing comes to an end. It's just too basic to hold up in a world that now features the likes of "Zootopia" and "Up." "Alice in Wonderland" might not be our favorite film from Disney, but it is still very good and is certainly much better than its modern day counterpart.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 79%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Journey to the Center of the Earth" (2008)

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Movie: "Journey to the Center of the Earth"
Director: Eric Brevig
Year: 2008
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hours, 33 minutes 

A scientist named Trevor Anderson (Brendan Fraser) attempts to follow up on his deceased brother's research. While watching his nephew Sean (Josh Hutcherson), they discover new information that leads them to Iceland. With the help of a local mountain guide named Hannah (Anita Briem), they discover a passage that leads them to a perilous hidden world at the center of the Earth. 

"Journey to the Center of the Earth" is a modern day re-imagening of the classic Jules Verne story. This film is directed by Eric Brevig and is not an adaptation of the novel in any way. In fact, the book itself plays an integral part of the plot of the movie. So, in a movie called "Journey to the Center of the Earth," the characters read the book "Journey to the Center of the Earth," which leads them on a journey to the center of the earth. This movie was meta before meta was a thing. Beyond this already ridiculous premise, the entire thing is silly at its best. It stars Brendan Fraser, a known goofy actor in his own right, as Trevor Anderson. Trevor has been very troubled by the loss of his brother nearly 10 years earlier, and is a little obsessed with continuing his research no matter the cost, be it monetary or personal. Josh Hutcherson plays Sean, Trevor's nephew and the son of his deceased brother, who is being forced by his mother to spend a week with his uncle while she prepares them for a move to Canada. With a chip on his shoulder, angry for no reason, like all warm-blooded American teenagers, Sean cannot wait to be left alone, but in an odd twist of fate, this uncle and nephew have much more in common than they think. They soon find themselves boarding a plane to Iceland where they meet a guide named Hannah, played by Anita Briem, who will take them on their mission to find whatever it was Sean's dad was looking for before he died. This can be reduced to the following simple plot line: our protagonists find this location, go to that location, then try to escape the location alive. Things happen to them during their adventure as they encounter many new creatures and obstacles, most of which want to kill them.

Even watching this at home 8 years after being released in the theater, we could tell "Journey to the Center of the Earth" was made specifically with 3D rendering in mind. The action rarely if ever stops, and throughout the very long 1 hour and 33 minutes this movie lasts, objects of all shapes and sizes are constantly hurled at the camera in an effort to make audience members have some sort of seizure. Remember, in 2008, these visuals were cutting edge and implemented in nearly every movie that could afford it. These poorly CGIed objects fly towards the audience as a gimmick, and even though those responsible behind the scenes clearly loved using these effects, they are so awful looking. It's utterly surprising to us the CGI is as bad as it is considering director Eric Brevig spent most his career doing visual effects. Not all of the blame falls on the graphics, no no, there is much more to this colossal misfire of a film. The acting isn't much better. Brendan Fraser has never been one of our favorite actors, and in something like this, it's not hard to see why we feel this way. Dude is corny as hell, especially in these big, grandiose action movies. Josh Huchterson is pretty much the only good thing about this movie, and even as a young kid, we can see he's always had potential. The dialogue is also pretty awful. Jokes and puns come frequently, none of which are remotely funny. Finally, for good measure, a tacked-on love story is thrown in the mix, as if there wasn't enough going on already.

Aside from the occasional exciting moment, "Journey to the Center of the Earth" is just too ridiculous and too poorly written for anyone to honestly enjoy. Rotten Tomatoes is kidding itself if they think we're buying this film has a 61% on their site.

My Rating: 3.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 61%
Do we recommend this movie: No.
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One year ago, we were watching: "Sidewalls"

Movie Review #426: "The Angry Birds Movie" (2016)

Movie: "The Angry Birds Movie"
Director: Clay Kaytis and Fergal Reilly
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 37 minutes

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Red (Jason Sudeikis) has anger issues, which leads to many conflicts with the happy-go-lucky, life-loving members of his community. When a conflict escalates, Red is forced to attend Angry Birds anger management classes. While undergoing therapy, a ship of pigs lands on the shore of Bird Island. Though most of the birds welcome the newcomers with open arms, Red is suspicious of these foreign pigs. His suspicions turn out to be justified when the pigs steal their eggs. Red must then rally the other birds to get mad and fight back.

Based on the casual gaming application, "The Angry Birds Movie" joins the very long line of video game to movie adaptations. Unlike most video game movies, which are based on games with actual story lines, the app Angry Birds has almost nothing to work with in terms of plot. It's a game that involves shooting birds at pigs with a giant slingshot and not much else. Unlike most video game adaptations, however, this movie is not terrible. As shocked as we are to say this, and as shocked as you are to read this, we swear to you, it's true. Who thought it would be Angry Birds that would rise above the rest? For a bit of back story, we were not looking forward to this movie at all. We love our fair share of kids movies, even as grown adults who don't have children, but the trailer for this painted a picture we were not the slightest bit interested in seeing. To our great surprise, this is a decent flick.

We laughed a lot during "The Angry Birds Movie." It's full of puns and has dialogue laced with innuendo (more on this later), dozens of pop culture references, and even some slapstick humor for good measure. Many of these puns and jokes are swine and avian related because, as we mentioned, the characters here consist of birds and pigs. There were so many, in fact, we felt like we needed a drum kit near by so we could follow the jokes with a rim shot. The voice casting for "Angry Birds" is also quite impressive, and those involved in this project provide some great vocal work. Jason Sudeikis voices main character Red, a bird who has a hard time controlling his temper and is sent to anger management. It is here where Red reluctantly meets his new pals: the fast-talking, constantly and quick-moving Chuck (Josh Gad), the literally explosive Bomb (Danny McBride), and the large grunting fluff-ball named Terence (voiced unexpectedly by Sean Penn). Sudeikis has a superb voice for the sarcastic, jaded Red, who can find something to be angry about in almost any situation. Gad and McBride are also excellent in their respective voice roles. We appreciate when A-list actors do minimalist voice over work like this, so props to Sean Penn for finally finding a sense of humor. Bill Hader, Peter Dinklage, Keegan-Michael Key, and Maya Rudolph are just some of the other names involved in this film. Lastly, the animation is crisp and clean, which makes sense considering the app company Rovio also produced it.

This movie isn't without its glaring flaws. The message it delivers is not the best. It sends a message that foreigners are automatically strange just because they're different, and are not to be trusted. Also, no matter how friendly these strangers appear, they really just want to steal and eat your children (if you see the movie, this will make sense). Moreover, it shows the best way to respond to threats is with anger and violence. So, just think of this as the exact opposite of the message you'd find in a Disney movie. That being said, it is just a kids picture, so it probably shouldn't be taken so seriously, though in a world where people seem to be offended by everything, it's good to be aware this is one possible interpretation of the message. Besides, the basic concept of the game is about the birds trying to get their eggs back from the pigs, so it should have been expected. Finally, as a movie clearly marketed to children, we are surprised it has as much blatant sexual innuendo as it does. A lot of kids movies try to keep stuff like this on the down low, but here, there's quite a bit of crude humor. This may hurt its bottom line in the grand scheme of things, but us kidults were not bothered by it.

Sure, "The Angry Birds Movie" might be laced with jokes involving bodily humor and innuendo slightly over the culturally accepted kids movie mark, but we enjoyed it. It's much funnier than we would have ever expected. Would we watch it again? Not necessarily. Would we personally own it? Probably not. Is it substantially more entertaining than we thought it would be? You bet, and at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

"The Angry Birds Movie" is directed by Clay Kaytis and Fergal Reilly. It is rated PG for crude humor and mild thematic cartoon violence.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 43%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review #425: "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising" (2016)

Movie: "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising"
Director: Nicholas Stoller
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

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Mac (Seth Rogen) and a pregnant Kelly (Rose Byrne) have just sold their home, and now, they must simply wait out their 30 day escrow period and hope the buyer doesn't pull out of the sale. Unfortunately, a newly founded sorority named Kappa Nu has just moved in next door and is looking to smash the patriarchal Greek sisterhood system and party to their heart's content. Now, Mac and Kelly, who have already purchased another house in a newer part of town, have to keep their buyers from finding out about the sorority until escrow closes or face financial ruin.

Nicholas Stoller's "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising" is the sequel to his 2014 hit comedy "Neighbors."  Returning to portray their roles from the first film are stars Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne, Zac Efron, Ike Barinholtz, and Carla Gallo. These original cast members are joined by Dave Franco, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and Jerrod Carmichael in much smaller reprisals. New to the cast are Chloë Grace Moretz, Kiersey Clemons, and Beanie Feldstein. This is quite the ensemble cast, but as we know all too well, big names don't necessarily equal a great final product, just look at the recent "Mother's Day" for proof of this. Much like the first film, Mac and Kelly, played by Rogen and Byrne, find themselves in an all-out battle with a group of college students. The main difference is, instead of a fraternity filled with douchey college guys, now they are dealing with a sorority that wants to become independent. In the U.S., sororities are not allowed to throw parties in their own houses, which means women have to rely on fraternities to throw the parties. Now, Kappa Nu, lead by a trio of college freshmen named Shelby, Beth, and Nora played by Moretz, Clemons, and Feldstein, want to change all that. They want to be the first sorority that can party, do drugs, and break the sexist system of the past. They plan to do this in the house next door to Mac and Kelly, who have just sold their home and are in escrow. Unfortunately, living next to a hardcore partying sorority puts all of this in jeopardy.

As two people who describe themselves as feminists, the overall message of equality and smashing down sexist gender barriers in "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising" is admirable. This film also shines a light on the objectification of women in fraternities and sororities, as well as the ongoing problem of sexual assault and rape on (and off) college campuses. However, message aside, this is a comedy, and like all comedies, the most important thing is how much it makes you laugh. We definitely got a couple of good, solid laughs in, but it didn't make us laugh nearly as much as the original "Neighbors" did. For some reason, the sorority is far less sympathetic than the fraternity, which is horrible to say and this is not coming from a place of gender bias. The 'battle' in the original seemed to be more about two groups of people butting heads trying to out-prank each other. However, the actions committed by the sorority start to enter the realm of major federal crimes that could come with hefty prison sentences, and for some reason, no one thinks to call the cops. Most of the laughs in this movie come from Rogen, Byrne, Efron, and Barinholtz and their funny quips and banter with and between one another. The women in the sorority almost always miss the intended comedic mark. It's truly saying something when a comedy about female empowerment contains few to no jokes where the women are the ones making the audience laugh. This would be the real change, we think. Many of the running gags are also very trite and are stupid within the first five second of hearing them. For some reason, directors seem to think sex toys are absolutely hilarious and need to be mocked at every opportunity. This is exactly what "Neighbors 2" does ten-fold as the plot keeps finding a way to bring it all back to that tired old dildo joke. There are a lot of recycled gags from the original, some of which are still funny even if they have been done before. Zac Efron is also surprisingly good in this movie as his character dives deeper in self-exploration, and many times, he realizes the things he has done in the past might not have been the best way to act or behave. Maybe Efron has taken a class on comedic timing since "Dirty Grandpa" because his performance sure seems better here. As always, Byrne and Rogen have excellent chemistry, and we really enjoy watching their relationship play out on screen.

In the end, though this movie can be funny at times, it falls a bit short of its predecessor, showing that it take more than just a good message to make a good comedy.

My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~61%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
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One year ago, we were watching: "The Water Diviner"