Sunday, August 28, 2016

Movie Review #477: "Mechanic: Resurrection" (2016)

Movie"Mechanic: Resurrection"
Director: Dennis Gansel
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes
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Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham) has been hiding out in Brazil and has put his past as a hit-man behind him. When he is located by a man from his past and asked to do three hit jobs, Arthur refuses. Then, when a woman he just met and had sex with (Jessica Alba) gets kidnapped by this same man, now, this old friend named Crain (Sam Hazeldine) has found the leverage he needs to force Arthur to do the jobs.

Charles Bronson is rolling over in his grave right now.

"Mechanic: Resurrection" is the sequel to the 2011 film "The Mechanic," which is a remake of the 1972 film of the same name starring Charles Bronson. Dennis Gansel takes over the directorial duties from Simon West for this installment. Jason Statham returns as Arthur Bishop, who is no longer a hit-man for hire. Bishop has been hiding out in Brazil for the past few years. His location is discovered by an old childhood chum named Crain, played by Sam Hazeldine, who wants Bishop to perform three very difficult 'jobs' for him, and when we say 'jobs,' we think you know what we mean. Arthur refuses and bails to Thailand. While there, he rescues a woman named Gina (Jessica Alba) from what appears to be an abusive boyfriend. Of course, Bishop being the savvy former hit-man he is, he immediately figures out she was being blackmailed by Crain to seduce him so she can, in turn, be kidnapped and used as a hostage to force him to do the jobs he doesn't want to do. You know, that old chestnut. In response, Bishop falls in love with Gina and Crain kidnaps her, which forces Arthur to do the jobs he doesn't want to do. Yes, you've read that correctly. This is exactly what happened in this movie. This totally mind-numbingly stupid plot point actually happened.

"Mechanic: Resurrection" is idiotic and completely abandons any true characteristics of Arthur Bishop. The 2011 remake at least tried to keep the themes and share a similar spirit of the original, but this film goes so far off the rails that it basically becomes a circus. This sequel also turns Bishop into your run-of-the-mill generic anti-hero. The defining characteristics of Bishop have always been that he was fairly cold-blooded, killing was never personal for him, and he doesn't keep attachments. All of this has flown out the window as Bishop is now a reluctant killer with a seeming heart of gold. This movie is full of clich├ęs and contrivances. It has a villain that incessantly threatens to kill his hostage, and despite constant disobedience from the person he is blackmailing, he never comes close to following through on his threat. This movie is laughably bad as we see the ridiculous over-the-top stunts coming from a mile away after they are foreshadowed in the scenes just before them, ranging from implausible and inane to just plain ol' inconceivable. There are exactly two cool scenes in this entire thing, but the rest of it is so bad, so hilariously bad, we began to simultaneously attempt to stifle our laughter and question our entire lives as movie reviewers while sitting in a theater with about 20 other people who made no reactions whatsoever for an hour and 40 minutes. In addition, Statham either flexes his muscles so his veiny arms are in full view of the camera, or he takes his shirt off in just about every scene of the film in a misguided attempt at...what exactly, we don't know. What's he trying to prove? It feels like water scenes were worked into this movie in an effort to get Statham to fulfill his contractual topless obligation.

"Mechanic: Resurrection" is an unnecessary sequel to remake that only had mediocre success in the first place. There is absolutely no reason for the steaming garbage pile to exist. It's not just terrible, it's laughably terrible. It is so bad, in fact, I was in tears from laughing so hard at three separate points in this godawful excuse for cinema, and two out of three of these instances involve Tommy Lee Jones and his ugly, poorly constructed outfit including black and white striped pajamas, a leather jacket, two gold hoop earrings, hippie glasses, and a soul patch. It's no wonder why people don't want to go to the movies in the theater anymore when, without Jason Statham, this movie would have been guaranteed to go straight to DVD. This is 2016's "Transporter Refueled" (which is ironic considering Jason Statham wasn't in that movie because they wouldn't pay him enough).

My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~25%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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