Saturday, March 4, 2017

Movie Review: "Collide" (2017)

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Director: Eran Creevy
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

When a former drug dealer and car thief's girlfriend needs a kidney transplant, he agrees to do one last big job to get the money for an operation.

"Collide" is directed by Eran Creevy, who also wrote the film along with F. Scott Frazier. It stars Nicholas Hoult as Casey Stein, a former car thief/drug dealer. He got out of that life for his girlfriend Juliette, played by Oscar nominee Felicity Jones. Unfortunately, Juliette is sick and needs a kidney transplant, so Casey decides to do one last big job to get the $200k+ needed for her operation. Also in this film for some reason and what we can only assume were contractual obligations are Oscar winners Ben Kingsley and Anthony Hopkins, who both play drug dealers, though vastly different classes of drug dealer.

This is a movie that was hardly marketed. We had never heard of it, then saw maybe one or two trailers for it the week before its release, then all of a sudden, BOOM!, it was in the theaters. Now, it appears to be gone from the cinema just as quickly as it arrived. Apparently, this 'movie that should have never been' sat on the shelf for years gathering dust as Relativity Media, who were originally going to release but wound up going through bankruptcy. It was sold to Open Road and was subsequently pushed back multiple times. After seeing it, it isn't hard to understand why.

It's a huge mystery how a film with such an apt, excellent cast could be so stunningly terrible and irritating. It could have something to do with the generic storyline about needing a specific amount of money for an operation, a storyline so generic that it was the subject of parody in the movie "Hot Rod." Anthony Hopkins plays the eloquent, high-class distributor of drugs with a classical education and is the owner of many legitimate businesses. Ben Kingsley is the over the top street dealer constantly surrounded by hookers, lavish cars, and draped in tacky, obnoxious clothing. The two are walking clich├ęs. Beyond this, the narrative is thin as hell and consists of few lines of dialogue, a stupid twist that is hardly a twist at all, and a lot, and we mean a lot, of car chases. The sequence of events in this film can be described as such: Casey steals car, he is pursued, Casey crashes said car, insert shoot-out, add a montage of him and Juliette and their ~*one month old deep, realistic love story~*, Casey steals another car, he is pursued, Casey crashes car, insert shoot-out and montage of him and Juliette, Casey steals car, rinse, lather, repeat. Seriously, this is not an exaggeration. There are a lot of vrooooms, a lot of bangs, and a lot of booms, yet somehow, it is never engaging or exciting despite the film's attempt to develop characters through these multiple sappy and laughable romance montages. The opening scene is dreadfully rushed and lazily constructed, and the rest of the film is not much better.

"Collide" is a bad movie, one that probably would have been better off left in a vault, forgotten, and not unearthed to be a blight on the careers of its two up and coming stars and its two legendary veteran actors that they somehow found themselves in this mess. There's no reason to see this film and it's the perfect example of what an empty, vacuous shell of non-movies Hollywood can be at times.

My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 20%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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