Monday, December 4, 2017

Movie Review: "The Room" (2003)

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Movie: "The Room"
Director: Tommy Wiseau
Year: 2003
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

Johnny and Lisa have been in a relationship for five years and are about to get married. Lisa, however, is growing bored, so she starts having an affair with his best friend Mark, but this liaison could have serious unintended consequences.

Oh hi, readers, we didn't know it was you. You are our favorite readers. "The Room" is written by, directed by, produced by, financed by, and stars Tommy Wiseau. Hi doggy. Joining Wiseau is Juliette Danielle, who plays Lisa, Johnny's "future wife," but unfortunately, she is bored of Johnny and doesn't love him anymore. She's such a bitch! She now wants to be with Johnny's best friend Mark, played by Greg Sestero. Oh hi Mark! Then there is Denny, played by Phillip Haldiman, who shows up in Johnny and Lisa's apartment constantly without knocking and tells the couple "I just like to watch you guys." As if that wasn't creepy enough, this exchange leads to a very awkward and inexplicably long sex scene after a pillow fight involving Johnny, Denny, and Lisa. This scene makes it apparent that Johnny isn't exactly familiar with the female anatomy and isn't exactly sure how the mechanics of sex work. This could shed a lot of light on why Lisa is so bored with him. Anyway, we guess we know how their sex life is going! This film is full of random scenes like this, including a few more awkward sex scenes between Lisa and Johnny, Lisa and Mark, as well as an encounter between a random couple that just shows up in Johnny's apartment to eat chocolate and perform a little fellatio. There is also a subplot involving Denny and a drug dealer he owes money to that really doesn't go anywhere but lets everyone gather on the roof to horribly shout things at one another in front of an incomprehensibly green-screened cityscape background...while they are outside. There is also talk of Lisa's mom having breast cancer, though it is only mentioned once and is never brought up or even remotely hinted at throughout the rest of the movie. The timeline of "The Room" is pretty much impossible to follow as it's never clear if the events depicted take place over a matter of days, weeks, or months. All we know is there is a party on Friday, and before then, we are treated to more sex scenes, and we watch Johnny, Mark, Denny, and others through around a football before they get Johnny's engagement photos taken. Finally, we get to hear what everyone in a coffee shop ordered in excruciating detail, see scenes of random jogging, and hear lots of talk about their sex lives.

The above paragraph is all over the place and so is "The Room," a now cult classic film with an inexplicable $6 million budget, endlessly quotable lines, and infamous, iconic scenes. "The Room" is meant to be a gritty drama about a relationship falling apart, as well as how a toxic love triangle leads to an unexpected ending for everyone. As a serious drama, this film is downright awful, the worst piece of cinema ever created. It is so horrendous, however, that much like this year's "Geostorm," it bounces right off the bottom of our scale and shoots back towards that 10/10. As a comedy, this movie is downright hilarious. Each and every time we watch this flick, we laugh hysterically at the poorly made drama more than we do during most mainstream comedies. Tommy Wiseau is an unintentional genius, and you know what? Good for him. Not only is he owning his failure, but his flop of a film has now turned into a rampant success. We'd be lying if we said we don't enjoy "The Room" because we truly love it in the best worst way possible.

My Rating: 11/10!!!
BigJ's Rating: 11/10!!!
IMDB's Rating: 3.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 26%
Do we recommend this movie: SCALE BROKEN!!!!!!!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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