Tuesday, February 6, 2018


Every 365ish days, we take a look back at the films we've watched that year and try to figure out what we think will make our best of and worst of lists. There were a lot of good movies in 2017, but there were tons of bad ones as well. This year, we've seen a rise in the number of people who are not happy with the promotion of "worst of" lists since they are unbelievably negative. We don't necessarily agree with this sentiment. We've already reviewed these films in full, so we're merely cataloging them and linking back to them for your (dis)pleasure. If this is not your cup of tea, we apologize, but we like to cover all our bases. Before we get to the main list, we have one dishonorable mention, and that is "Resident Evil The Final Chapter." This movie actually has the same score as the first entry on the list, but it still wasn't quite bad enough to include in there.

Without further ado, here it is, our list of THE TOP 15 WORST FILMS OF 2017! Do you agree with this list? Let us know what your least favorite films of the year were!
15. "Flatliners" (2.25/10): When we heard there was another "Flatliners" movie in the works, the people involved with the project were adamant that it was going to be a sequel to 1990's original by Joel Schumacher. It is 110% not a sequel, but it's not like that even mattered. Nothing could have saved this movie from being an utter snoozefest. It's one of the most surface-level, generic, uninteresting films of the year on top of being poorly written and terribly acted.
14. "The Snowman" (2.25/10): "The Snowman" made our list of the biggest disappointments of 2017, but it also deserves a spot on the worst of the worst list as well. What a complete and utter letdown. From beginning to end, this is a tedious slog, an amalgam of missed opportunities and terrible choices complete with a baffling, maddeningly idiotic ending.
13. "Wish Upon" (2/10): Damn it, Barb! We will admit, "Wish Upon" has the benefit of being so absurdly dumb and overly goofy that we managed to laugh a lot while watching it. That being said, it's still not a good movie. This is mostly an asinine teenage fantasy with a couple of jump scares sprinkled in so it could be classified as a horror. It's devoid of tension and thrills, but at least it has a couple of saxophone solos courtesy of Ryan Phillippe!
12. "The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature" (2/10): The first "Nut Job" was an absolute nightmare to watch. It only had tepid box office returns, so why the unnecessary sequel? This is yet another fart-filled, lazy kids movie with no class or cleverness. The best part about watching "The Nut Job 2" was that we got to spend 90ish minutes in an air-conditioned theater to beat the sweltering August heat.
11. "Collide" (2/10): Surprised to see this movie on our list? We're sure you are because no one even saw "Collide" when it was out in theaters. That's probably because it's an empty shell of a film, a complete and utter mess of rushed, lazy editing, awful acting, and tons of car chases and explosions without any vim or vigor. This movie is terribly irritating.
10. "The Mountain Between Us" (2/10): Idris Elba and Kate Winslet are in this movie, so what could go wrong? Apparently everything. "The Mountain Between Us" doesn't embrace its cheesiness, it just hopes the audience is too stupid to tell the difference. It's boring, overlong, and has thinly written characters that never feel like they are in real danger. Most egregious of all, it wastes the talents of Elba and Winslet on Nicholas Sparks-light filth and dopey dialogue.
9. "Friend Request" (2/10): With a stupid story full of contrived trope after trope after trope (stupid authority figures, jump scares, technology being used as a weapon, etc),"Friend Request" was quickly in and out of cinemas and it's not hard to see why. It has atrocious acting and is bloated with cliches to bring audiences to its ultimate, very obvious ending.
8. "Rings" (2/10): Every single piece of this long-oft horror movie sequel/spin-off is stupid, recycled, and slow moving, but the scariest part of "Rings" is how utterly boring it is. We loved Gore Verbinski's "The Ring" from 2002, and this film is just a mockery of the horror genre. It's inundated with dull, tedious garbage and is not worth your time.
7. "Naked" (1.5/10): Netflix does not have a great track record with its originals. We'd call it a 5:1 good-to-bad movie ratio. "Naked" is one of the worst Netflix films yet. It's essentially the same joke told over and over in an increasingly unfunny manner. It's not a lengthy movie, but the repetitive nature of its story sure makes it feel longer. We almost fell asleep watching this "comedy."
6. "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul" (1.5/10): If you've been reading our site for a while, you'll know we try our damndest to see every movie we can in the theater. When "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul" came out, we flat out refused to see it in the cinema. However, we did watch it when it came out to rent, and boy, we're glad we waited. This movie is beyond awful. If you are jonesin' for a "Wimpy Kid" fix or think your kids might want to watch something like this (which let's be honest, why would they?), simply go to your wallet and set your rubles on fire. It will assuredly be a better use of your money than watching this diaper-infested, unclever kids movie with stupid characters.
5. "Home Again" (1.5/10): Some people loved "Home Again." We did not. This movie is Hollywood nepotism and elitism at its finest. It's a bored housewife fantasy, "Fifty Shades of Grey" without the BDSM and with even less chemistry. The jokes are lazy and cringeworthy, the writing is horrendous, and the movie as a whole is artificial and disingenuous. It's not adorkable, it's just desperate.
4. "The Bye Bye Man" (1.25/10): This movie came out in January 2017 and its stench stuck with us throughout the rest of the year. It's a miserable failure on concept alone. It's a god-awful film overbloated with CGI, miserable writing, and monstrously poor acting. It's complete and utter tripe full of genre contrivances borrowed from other movies that did them better. Like its main villain, "The Bye Bye Man" is better off never spoken about, never ever ever.
3. "Unforgettable" (1/10): Oh shit, we forgot this movie even existed, which is ironic considering the title of the film is "Unforgettable." We became increasingly more infuriated at how poorly and deplorably written the entire thing is. It's full of dated stereotypes about both women and men; the ladies here are either meek, feeble bimbos or manipulative, conniving psychopaths. ~*How progressive!~* On top of this, it doesn't know what it wants to be, a thriller, a horror, or a drama, so it tries to be all 3 and fails spectacularly at everything. It was a full-on struggle to not walk out of this movie full of regressive garbage.
2. "Boo 2! A Madea Halloween" (1/10): We didn't hate the original "Boo! A Madea Halloween," so we hoped this sequel might surprise us. NOPE! It is insipid, wearisome, unpleasant, and uninspired. The acting, writing, editing, sound quality, and stunts somehow got worse in just one year's time. Needless to say, if Tyler Perry makes another "Madea" movie, we won't be watching it. This movie just about broke us.
1. "The Emoji Movie"  (1/10): It might seem like the obvious choice, but "The Emoji Movie" truly was the worst film of 2017. This movie is the reason people have lost faith in Hollywood. There are absolutely ZERO laughs in this criminally unfunny hellish nightmare of a kids movie. Its runtime isn't that long, but it's still an unbearable slog. We can look past product placements from time to time, but this movie feels like a full-length, extended commercial for things like Candy Crush, Dropbox, Spotify, Twitter, and Just Dance, to name a few. We're genuinely dumber for having sat through this movie. We know what you're thinking, "Lolo, BigJ, come on, it can't possibly be that bad." TRUST US. IT IS. Don't give it your time, and don't give it your money, but if you choose to ignore our advice, don't say we didn't warn you!

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