Ticket Price: $12.50
Director: Andy Fickman
Running Time 1 hour, 34 minutes
"Paul Blart: Cash Grab 2" is an abhorrent sequel to an already repugnant original movie, and yet, for some reason, Americans across the country continuously feel the need to take their kids to see this ridiculously stupid film and other movies like it, which will no doubt damage their psyches forever and hurt their perception of the cinematic arts for years to come. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 " is almost the exact same movie as "Paul Blart: Mall Cop," except the setting has been changed from his hometown mall to the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas. We will admit off the bat that the amount of fat jokes seems to be toned down a bit from the first installment, which is a plus, but they are still there in droves. This time, filmmakers also slather on loads and heaps and mounds of jokes about how stupid, unlovable, incompetent and losery Blart is, making him look like the most pathetically delusional person on the face of the planet. Paul Blart is so lame and stupid and so horrible, when he gets into a fight with a bird, he loses the match. Paul Blart is such a fat loser that he wears shirts that look like curtains.
|Our bathroom curtains.|
|Paul Blart's shirt. See? We didn't lie. (Image Source)|
Kevin James has to know this movie is bad. There's no possible way he doesn't unless he's a robot and is incapable of feeling shame and remorse. The only explanation for this movie's existence is the cash grab, but at some point in his life and career, he might want to be taken seriously as a legitimate actor, not just a fat guy who rolls around in a segway screaming nonsensical ramblings at no one and fighting with birds. The first installment made over $130 million dollars, and if that wasn't depressing enough, this movie made $24 million its opening weekend, which is still down from the last one, but it's still close enough to make us shake our heads in disbelief. We didn't come anywhere close to laughing once during this movie, if you can call it a movie at all. In fact, it was a chore to watch, but we went, dragging our feet into an empty theater to do our civic duty in the hopes that this review could, somehow, anyhow, prevent at least one person from viewing this poor, pathetic, and shockingly bad excuse for a motion picture. We're 99.9% certain we'd rather get a lobotomy than be forced to watch this piece of complete and utter bullshit again. To pass something like this off as humorous is to spit in the face of comedy itself. There was a guy who clearly snuck into our empty except for us theater to try and catch this movie for free and it was so bad he left after 6 minutes, as if to say, "this shit isn't even worth my $0." There was a point at which I began taking notes because there were things being done that were so horrible, I felt like I needed to document the exact moment when the joy was being sucked out of my life every so slowly. I literally wrote that in my notes, and I stand by it, because, when push comes to shove, NO ONE should see "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2." Not on DVD, not in the theater, not ever. We need to let it and every single other piece of crap movie like it die in a fiery rage of disgrace.
|Excuse the chicken scratch, it's dark in the theater!|
PPS: Shame on you, Bas Rutten. We know you're friends and training partners with Kevin James, but are people really pay you so little to commentate MMA that you felt the need to be in this movie? We thought you were better than this.
My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: ~4.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 0%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE TEN PLAGUES!!!