Movie Review: "The Wizard of Oz" (1939)

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Oscar Movie: "The Wizard of Oz"
Year Nominated: 1939
Director: Victor Fleming
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 41 minutes
Did It Win?: No. (FOR SHAME)

Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) is a young girl from Kansas who feels misunderstood by her aunt and uncle and farmhands. After running away, she stumbles upon a fortune teller who advises her to return home. On the way, the gets caught in a tornado and is whisked away to the land of Oz. There, she meets the Tin Man, the Lion, and the Scarecrow, and they all learn their true values while following the yellow brick road to meet the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy is homesick, but in order to return to Kansas, she needs to battle the Wicked Witch of the West and bring Oz her broomstick.

This movie is a timeless classic going on 75 years. Even now, in the days of CGI, digital, and 3-D movies, "The Wizard of Oz" remains the pinnacle of  brilliant cinematography, stunning colors, and fabulous makeup, prop, and scenery work. This was a groundbreaking film for its time and an example that led many other fantasy filmmakers to follow in its footsteps. The songs featured in this movie are still just as enjoyable today and are sung throughout the world time and time again. Judy Garland shines as Dorothy, with an amazing supporting cast that is just as fabulous. Everything in this movie fit perfectly, from the red shoes, to the backdrops, to the Munchkin Land...this is a movie everyone should see before they die.

Getting lost in the land of Oz is fun for people of all ages, and will continue to be fun for another 75 years, so long as we don't lose the magic.

PS: Want to read what the ONE JERK who gave this a bad review in 1939 said? I'm sure he's dead now, but if he's not and he's reading this, GO TO HELL, you're a crap movie reviewer.

My Rating: 10/10
BigJ's Rating: 10/10
IMDB's Rating: 8.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 99%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "Gangster Squad" (2013)

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Movie: "Gangster Squad"
Director: Ruben Fleischer
Year: 2013
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 53 minutes

Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) is the head of all organized crime in Los Angeles and has much of the LAPD and numerous politicians in his pocket. In a final attempts to try and rid the city of Mickey Cohen, police chief Parker (Nick Nolte) entrusts Sgt. John O'Mara (Josh Brolin) to create a gangster squad, a group of cops who will do whatever it takes to rid Los Angeles of Cohen for good. Their tactics are not those of typical cops, but rather, the gangster squad implores the use of weapons, bugs, bombs, and other various crimes to throw a wrench in Cohen's operation.

Another disappointing gangster movie with an all-star cast. I really don't know how it has such a high review on IMDB...perhaps all the Ryan Gosling fangirls simply rate all his movies 10/10.

This movie tries its hardest to be a modern day "The Untouchables" and falls flat on its face. Here's a breakdown of each movie and the roles they match up with from "The Untouchables":

Josh Brolin = Kevin Costner
Ryan Gosling = Andy Garcia
Robert Patrick (WHO RUINED THE X-FILES) = Sean Connery
Giovanni Ribisi = Charles Martin Smith
Michael Pena = NO ONE BECAUSE HE'S SUPERFLUOUS
Sean Penn = Roberto De Niro

Something about this movie doesn't work. For a film that has real-life people as its central characters, this movie lacks realism. It seems phony and cartoonish as opposed to something that actually took place as real life events.

As much as I love Ryan Gosling, I just don't think he worked in this film. I think his acting style is distracting and not cohesive for what it was trying to accomplish. We know Gosling can be serious, and we know he can play 'funny,' but for some reason, he doesn't fit. Josh Brolin is fine, but he's no Elliot Ness. Robert Patrick continues to ruin everything he touches (BigJ says except for "Terminator 2 and I say #BITTER). The cast was supposed to be this tight group of corruption killers, but they just didn't mesh well together. There were plenty of points where this movie was not cohesive.

There are a plethora of other gangster movies that exist that are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than this one, whether they focus on the criminals or the police. "Gangster Squad" is slow moving, sometimes boring, and the former boxer/mob enforcer/LA crime kingpin could be a much more interesting character than what Sean Penn was able to deliver.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 32%
Do we recommend this movie: I say no, BigJ says meh.

Movie Review: "The Family" (2013)

Movie: "The Family"
Director: Luc Besson
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

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A mob informant named Giovanni Manzoni (Robert De Niro) and his family are in the witness protection program and are living in a rural village in France. Robert Stansfield (Grumpy Cat, AKA Tommy Lee Jones) is the agent in charge of protecting them, and Giovanni/Fred makes his job a living hell. The only task they are given as a family is to stay inconspicuous...and they can't even do that. Giovanni wants desperately to write his memoirs. Maggie (Michelle Pfeiffer), the wife, blows up a supermarket on their first day in town, Belle (Dianna Agron), the daughter, smashes a handsy teenager's face with a racket, and Warren (John D'Leo), the son, starts a racketeering ring at his school. All hell is going to break loose if, more like when, they are found.

The trailer for this movie promised a lot of laughs and dark comedy, but for some reason, this movie wasn't that funny. The best parts are derived from the use of the "F" word, and De Niro's character's ability to use it as any and all forms of expression.

Dianna Agron and Michelle Pfeiffer could be daughter and mother.
Joe D'Leo and Robert De Niro could be son and father.
Agron and D'Leo being siblings seems far-fetched, but not as far-fetched as De Niro and Pfeiffer being a couple. Their chemistry is almost zilch and you don't believe all four of these people as a cohesive family unit. I even saw De Niro and Pfeiffer on Charlie Rose talking about this movie, and they didn't seem that enthusiastic about being near each other or portraying a couple in the film.  It seemed completely forced and had no romance.

The movie does have its good moments (the ending) but they are too few and far between. Lots of the usual mafia/mob/Italian stallion actors are in this movie but are utilized poorly. We really wanted to like this movie, it seemed like a breath of fresh air compared to the other stodgy, stuffy, generic, formulaic mob movies. By the end, it just felt forced and didn't live up to our expectations. It was more "Oh, that was a movie," and less, "WOW! That was a MOVIE!!!"

My Rating: 5.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 31%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

Movie Review: "Splash" (1984)

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Movie: "Splash"
Director: Ron Howard
Year: 1984
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

Allen Bauer (Tom Hanks) either jumps or falls into the ocean off of a boat as a little boy. He is saved by a young blonde girl who turns out to be a mermaid named Madison (Daryl Hannah). Years later, Allen is a distributor of fruit from farmers to merchants. After his fiancee leaves him and becomes depressed after attending a wedding, he returns to the same spot where he drowned, manages to fall in again, and is  rescued by the same mermaid. She runs away, and Allen returns home. She finds his wallet on the beach and comes to the short naked in New York City, where she is arrested. Cops find Allen's wallet on her person and call him to come get her. They begin to fall in love. Meanwhile, a crazy scientist named Walter Kornbluth (Eugene Levy) is madly trying to prove that Madison is, in fact, a mermaid.

This movies so quintessentially 80's. It has a fabulous cast, an great story, and hilarity throughout. It's a wonderful fish-out-of-water comedy (SEE WHAT WE DID THERE?????!!) for the ages, and is still entertaining today. It's fun to watch movies from the 80's and see the different fashion styles, commercials, sights, sounds, and nostalgia. It's also refreshing to watch movies with the late, great, sorely missed John Candy.

Another thing we wanted to mention was that the way Madison's tail looks in this movie, even today, is spectacular: it looks like a mermaid tail would if mermaids existed. The fact that it's a fabricated piece, not CGI or digital, which is what a mermaid tail would (mostly likely) be today, is very impressive. The scenes which feature the actors underwater for large amounts of time were put together so well that even now they look flawless. I know "movie magic" is obviously utilized, but even watching this film in 2013, viewers can see Ron Howard's brilliance as a director. He has a wide range of talent, from comedies like this to dramas, and continues to execute this same brilliance today.

My Rating: 8/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 92%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

Movie Review: "The Watch" (2012)

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Movie: "The Watch"
Director: Akiva Schaffer
Year: 2012
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 42 minutes

Evan (Ben Stiller) is manager at a local Costco and extremely involved in his community. After his friend and nighttime security guard Chucho (Mel Rodriguez) gets murdered in the store while on duty, Evan forms a neighborhood watch group. A couple of people show up to the first meeting, including Bob (Vince Vaughn), a salesman and father, Franklin (Jonah Hill), a wannabe cop survivalist nut-job, and Jamarcus (Richard Ayoade), an oddball neighbor. Together, they patrol the neighborhood, though much of their time is spent drinking beer in Bob's basement. They get more than they bargained for when they find out that it's not a human murderer they are looking for, and that their town is actually being invaded by aliens.

While this movie had a great concept with a decent cast (of actors who used to be hilarious), it falls completely flat and is otherwise disappointing. We found ourselves pity-laughing throughout this film...we yearn for the days when Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, and Vince Vaughn could make us laugh without trying. Now, comedies seem to be jam-packed with comedic "superstars" and still fail at producing laughs.

Vince Vaughn's fast-talking comedic style is getting tiresome. It was funny the first 100 times, and now, it's old and tired. Ben Stiller was fine in this, he plays the straight-man. Thinner Jonah Hill doesn't really fit the role in this movie of a failed cop/survivalist, even though we know he was hysterical in "21 Jump Street." I feel like Richard Ayoade was under used in this movie. Will Forte has one of the funnier roles in this movie, though, even though he played the cliched local dumb cop. Billy Crudup and Rosemarie Dewitt were also not utilized to their full potential.

This movie took too long to get moving. Once it got there, it didn't deliver anything fantastic. It's just another movie viewers can add to the list of films that had a good concept but failed in its execution...and that list just keeps getting bigger and bigger with these flop comedies.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 17%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "The Grandmaster" (2013)

Movie: "The Grandmaster"
Director: Kar Wai Wong
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 48 minutes

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Another story about Ip Man, Wing Chung master and the man who trained Bruce Lee. It covers the span of his life from being an instructor in southern China, through the Japanese invasion of China, and his subsequent relocation to Hong Kong where he headed a school to teach martial arts to the masses.

There have been multiple movies before "The Grandmaster" covering Ip Man (Tony Leung) that are done better than this one. The trailer is slightly misleading, promising much more action and a bit less drama, when in reality, this movie is 90% drama, 10% action. Much of the drama comes from the relationship between Ip Man and the Gong Er (Ziyi Zhang). The story of Gong Er occupies the last third of the film, leaving Ip Man as a footnote towards the end of the movie. All of the action in this movie is completely over-stylized, consisting of overdone slow motion, tight shots of bolts popping out of scenery with every blow...these tight shots hide much of the actual action going on. The director seemed more concerned with making pretty scenery shots than actually driving a coherent plot or making and interesting story.

The biggest mystery is why, with the slow motion, the director also overused a shaking camera in 99% of the movie. It's a subtle shaking, but enough to make your eyes tired from watching all the unnecessary movement, almost like the film was shot faster and digitally slowed down, causing a weird vibration of the camera.

Overall, this movie tries very hard to be something substantial, to tell an interesting story, and it just falls flat. It's a pretty shell with no substance, a movie void of plot, over-dramatization, and an incredibly slow moving pace.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 76%
Do we recommend this movie: No. Just watch "Ip Man" instead.

Movie Review: "Riddick" (2013)

Movie: "Riddick"
Director: David Twohy
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 59 minutes

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Continuing the story of Riddick (Vin Diesel) five years later, he has struck a deal with Vaako (Karl Urban) to find the location of his home planet Furya and a ship to take him home in exchange for Vaako's secured place as next Lord Marshall. Riddick was double-crossed and the ship lands on a desolate planet; upon realizing this, he kills the crew except for one person, leaving him stranded. Riddick comes across a dog-like creature whose mother has been killed, and befriends the pup. Later, he finds a mercenary station and sends an emergency distress call, revealing his location on the planet, even though he is still a wanted man with a huge price tag on his head. Two ships quickly arrive at the planet, carrying mercenary teams armed with a box for Riddick's head. He warns the teams in a message in blood to leave one ship for him and leave the planet immediately, and if they don't comply, he will kill them all. Of course, they do not comply, and one by one, the teams begin suffering casualties. Riddick is not the only thing they have to worry about on this planet: a storm is brewing in the distance and closing in fast, and with it comes aquatic, slithery, vicious serpent creatures that are hungry for blood.

Karl Urban is in the movie for 5 seconds. I feel so deceived.

...and this is just another movie to add to the pile where Vin Diesel continues to make this face.

BigJ has seen "Pitch Black" and "The Chronicles of Riddick," whereas I have not, so I had no frame of reference. He enjoyed this movie more than I did. I'm not impressed with Vin Diesel whatsoever, he basically just plays Dominick from the "Fast and Furious" franchise in everything he's in, and Dominick is just Vin Diesel, period. Don't go into this movie expecting good acting, you're never going to get it from Vin Diesel. If you expect to, SHAME ON YOU.

This is a relatively low budget sci-fi action film and that's about it. Don't really expect or look for anything else in this movie. If you're a fan of the first two in the franchise, this movie will probably tickle your fancy as well. A lot of people get murdered in cool death/fight scenes. The special effects are what we like to call "video game graphics," something you'd find in a video game, not realistic creatures/beings. They are severely lacking, but again, this may have to do with the low budget.

The movie is left open for a 4th installment, if someone so chooses. As long as they don't make the mistakes they made with "The Chronicles of Riddick" by over-inflating the budgeted and forcing a PG-13 rating, they'll continue to be made AND make money.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Salinger" (2013)

Movie: "Salinger"
Director: Shane Salerno
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours

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This documentary dives into the life of J.D. Salinger, author of "The Catcher in the Rye," who suddenly stopped publishing and became reclusive after this book became a huge success. This film covers his life as a World War II soldier, aspiring writer, and his interactions with love interests, fans, and himself.

I read "Catcher in the Rye" when I was about 10 years old and BigJ has never read it. We knew nothing about J.D. Salinger going into this film, but the trailer was so captivating that we wanted to see it opening day.

J.D. Salinger was a weird cat. Though he saw a lot of death during the war, it was more than just that: he had inner demons that fueled his writing, from his short stories and novellas published in magazines such as "The New Yorker" (though he was rejected many times in his early life) to only his major novel. As someone who was as reclusive as he was, he sure seemed to almost thrive off of attention, but only if it was on his terms.

He enjoyed the company of girls, VERY young girls, and used them as a source of inspiration for his writing. Many of the relationships he had with these girls became twisted into scenarios and characters for his stories, and once they stepped outside of the "box" he had built for them, he was quick to discard the girls and not think twice about it. Someone online said these relationships seemed platonic...nothing could be farther from the truth to us. These relationships came off as very sexual, though it is not explicitly said so.

He would spend days, weeks, perhaps months in his bunker, writing, becoming engrossed in his characters, ignoring his real life wife and children in lieu of his imaginary, created family. The whole film builds up to Salinger writing "The Catcher in the Rye" and the social impacts and changes it had on society. It does a good job of building intrigue as to what Salinger was writing for 40 years yet remained unpublished. What was he writing that was so important that he felt the need to shut himself off from the outside world?? In the end, Salinger does have a series of works to be published between 2015 and 2020. This movie does an amazing job of making people want to read these unpublished works, though Salinger himself is probably be turning over in his grave at this documentary due to its grandiose and spectacular nature.

For a documentary about one man, one subject, 2 hours is a bit too long. Since he was so reclusive, there aren't many published photos or interviews of him, so the same images kept replaying over and over again and it got a bit tedious. The film is built mainly on interviews with authors, writers, and publishers, friends and lovers of Salinger, and actors such as Martin Sheen, Edward Norton, and John Cusack (though his part was cut); though these big-time actors are in the trailer, their parts, respectively, only add about 5 minutes of interview time to this film.

This wasn't the worst documentary we've seen, but certainly not the best. Salinger has an interesting enough life, but since he passed away in 2010, these are all secondhand accounts, you never once hear anything from his mouth directly. Who knows what is real and what was embellished? Salinger fans might be happy, and people who know nothing about him will probably not think about it ever again. Either way, it's not as bad as critics say.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 30%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Trouble with the Curve" (2012)

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Movie: "Trouble with the Curve"
Director: Robert Lorenz
Year: 2012
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

Gus (Clint Eastwood), an aging baseball scout for the Atlanta Braves, who is losing his eyesight, is in danger of being forced into retirement because of shifts in management. Gus chooses the old tried-and-true method of scouting players by going town to town to visit and watch the talent, trusting his instincts and what he knows about baseball. The new, younger management team relies heavily on computer statistics to make their draft picks.

After a call from Gus' friend and head of scouting Pete Klein (John Goodman), Mickey (Amy Adams), Gus' lawyer daughter who doesn't necessarily see eye-to-eye with her father, begins accompanying him on scouting trips to North Carolina to help with his lack of vision. Along the way, a former baseball prospect of Gus' and now scout for the Boston Red Sox named Johnny (Justin Timberlake) befriends Gus and hits on Mickey and keeps them company on the road while watching the same prospects. Gus desperately wants to show he is still valuable and that computers can't always compare to a good old-fashioned hunch.

This movie should be called "Clint Eastwood hates his daughter because she got herself into a bad situation after his wife/her mother died, and instead of being a father, was just a dick and resented her. #grumblegrumblegrumble"

This film is the anti-"Moneyball." "Moneyball" showed a younger man who relied 100% on statistics to decided what players to trade and to keep; this movie shows a much older man scoffing in the face of statistics in lieu of the human factor and being able to tell more than what statistics show. The movie overall is pretty predictable, you can pinpoint the scenes before they ever happen. Clint Eastwood plays his normal, grumpy self a la every Clint Eastwood movie in the last 20 years. Amy Adams is a queen and wonderful as always. Justin Timberlake is developing into a decent enough actor, and one we don't mind seeing on screen.

We say this a lot, but this movie is poorly paced. Again, we like "Gone with the Wind," so no passing judgement on our abilities to keep still for 111 minutes. Length doesn't matter, it's pacing paired with a so-so script and passable tugs at your heart strings. There's not a whole lot there, especially considering "Moneyball" was so much more successful and compelling in 2012. How many damn baseball statistic movies do you need per year??? There are a lot better baseball movies out there to watch (See: "THE SANDLOT." Don't expect too much or anything new from this film.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 52%
Do we recommend this movie: BigJ says meh, I say sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Insidious" (2012)

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Movie: "Insidious"
Director: James Wan
Year: 2012
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 43 minutes

After moving into a new home, strange things start to happen to the Lambert family, primarily to their eldest son Dalton (Ty Simpkins). When Dalton falls off a ladder in the attic and bumps his head, at first he seems okay, but the next morning, he does not wake up. His parents Josh (Patrick Wilson) and Renai (Rose Byrne) rush him to the hospital where it is believed he is in a coma. None of the doctors can actually figure out why this has happened, and no one seems to be able to help Dalton recover. After Renai starts to see weird faces and people in their home accompanied by voices on the baby monitor, they up and move houses, which does not end the horrors she sees and hears. They contact Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye), a medium, who informs them that it's not the house that's haunted, but their son himself, and that Dalton has a unique ability to astro-project himself into a realm called "The Further," where he has become lost, and may never be found.

Lots of people like this movie, but we don't get the hype. It's an underwhelming PG-13 horror movie that could be immensely helped with an R-rating, even though it made bank. This movie primarily relies on jump cuts for its scares, and though there is some very well done, creepy makeup work at play, the ghosts don't seem to have a purpose in the film. James Wan LOVES Patrick Wilson, and he has sort of become the unofficial go-to horror movie actor as of late. The acting overall is fine, but nothing special, and there are no real "AHHHHHHHHHH" moments. The whole movie isn't overly creepy, no tension, no real scary drama, and not a lot of danger for the characters until the end...it's not like ghosts are threatening or endangering their lives that much. The only cool scene in this movie is the one with the gas mask.

After seeing "Saw" and "The Conjuring," we know James Wan is capable of creepy, scary horror movies, if he would just learn to stick with an R-rating. Although, I'm sure he's not complaining since "Insidious 2" just made a stellar $41 million its first weekend in theaters.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 66%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "Admission" (2013)

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Movie: "Admission"
Director: Paul Weitz
Year: 2013
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 47 minutes

Portia (Tina Fey), a career driven admissions officer at Princeton, travels around the country to convince college-bound students why Princeton is the college for them. Portia is happy with her life, her job, her boyfriend, and her childless existence. After stumbling upon a special progressive alternative-school, Portia meets John (Paul Rudd), a teacher there, and is pulled aside and asked if a particular student named Jeremiah has a shot at going to Princeton. Though his grades are terrible, he scored off the charts on all of his standardized tests. After hemming and hawing, Portia leaves the school and returns to Princeton, where it turns out her long term live-in boyfriend Mark (Michael Sheen) has had an affair with an English professor and has gotten her pregnant. He leaves her in the middle of a party they are throwing. A few days later, John and Jeremiah show up at Princeton and ask to take a tour. After a brief sexual encounter, John tells Portia that Jeremiah could be the son she gave up for adoption while she was in college, unbeknownst to her feminist mother. Finding out this information, Portia is willing to do whatever it takes to give Jeremiah a chance at Princeton, despite all the odds against her and him.

For a cast that boasts typically good comedians, this movie falls flat. You're not really invest in any relationship other than the one between Portia and Jeremiah. The film consists of one awkward scene after the next that dredges along at a snail's pace, leaving audiences more bored than entertained. The comedic moments are few and far between. The "tug at your heart strings" moments don't do so at all.

The one question I had running through my mind the entire time is why would Portia reduce herself so much that she stayed with a guy who was such a dick to her, and why would she continue to see her mother after she was so terrible to her? It doesn't make sense, drop the dead weight already! There's not really much to say about this movie, it's just not that great. It will join the thousands of other mediocre movies in the pile of forgotten cinema soon enough.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 38%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "Olympus Has Fallen" (2013)

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Movie: "Olympus Has Fallen"
Director: Antoine Fuqua
Year: 2013
Rating: R
Running Time: 2 hours

When the White House comes under attack by North Korean terrorists posing as South Korean diplomats, it's up to disgraced secret service agent Mike Banning (Gerard Butler) to save the day. How was he disgraced? By saving the president and first son's life at the cost of saving the first lady in a horrible accident. The terrorists take the president and some of his cabinet hostage and make demands in exchange for the lives of the hostages.

This movie sucked. Hard.

You know the old line, "we don't negotiate with terrorists?" We honestly hope this is true after seeing this film. We hope our government doesn't fall apart at virtually the drop of a dime if the president was ever taken hostage. We know our government isn't always filled with the best and brightest, but those who run the government in this movie make Groucho Marx running Freedonia in "Duck Soup" look like a brilliant leader. Here, we watch the acting government give in to demand after demand of North Korean terrorists, including but not limited to removing our entire naval fleet off the coast of the Koreas and giving up the codes for our super secret nuclear missile machine. Seriously?!

This isn't the first time two movies of identical subject matter have come out within months of one another. One always takes itself more seriously than the other, and the one that doesn't usually has Morgan Freeman in it (see: "Deep Impact"). In the battle for overtaking the White House in 2013, "White House Down" wins, to us, though it is far from a race since "Olympus Has Fallen" sucks at nearly every turn in a cheap attempt to be a modern day "Die Hard" with 10 times the propaganda. It takes itself waaay too seriously and winds up being silly and ridiculous without even trying. This leaves the audiences shaking its heads and rolling their eyes because it comes off as so phony and overdone. "White House Down" KNOWS it's being ridiculous and still manages to let us have more fun watching it.

Antoine Fuqua is a great director and he has shown us he has what it takes to make an excellent film. This ain't it. A bad script and sub-par acting are its biggest downfalls, besides the whole ~*so serious*~ thing. Watching "Olympus Has Fallen" made us straight-up mad. There's no possible way life is really like this in Washington D.C., and if it is, well, we're more doomed than we thought. Despite a few cool action scenes, it's not enough to overcome the glaring stupidity of the "government" in this film.

My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 47%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "Closed Circuit" (2013)

Movie: "Closed Circuit"
Director: John Crowley
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 36 minutes

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A dozen closed circuit cameras show a terrorist bombing at a market place in England. A truck was backed up into an alleyway and blown to pieces. The suspected terrorist was apprehended a few days after the attack and must stand trial. Due to the fact that this incident was a terrorist action, two trials take place: the first is a private, closed-door trial where Claudia (Rebecca Hall) will defend the terrorist, and where all evidence is kept secret from the public; then, Martin (Eric Bana) will be the defense attorney at the standard public, second trial. Because of this, two court appointed defense attorneys are instructed not to contact one another, nor have any previous conflict of interest. Even though they slept together in the past, they both say there is no conflict of interest. Martin was a replacement for the first defense attorney who "killed himself." As Martin delves deeper into the trial's evidence and the death of his predecessor, it becomes clear that the facts are not what they seem and the conspiracy runs deeper than they ever imagined.

It is a completely inappropriately named movie, for one: aside from the camera footage at the beginning of the film, there is very little "closed circuit" camera action going on, and that footage never pertains to the trial, and is never mentioned again. There are a few shots of the actors walking around town, but other than that, barely anything to call this movie "Closed Circuit." When you hear that title, you expect a big brother type of movie where people are watching your every move, and while the attorneys are often tailed, it doesn't ever seem to be through the use of closed circuit cameras.

For having such a low review, this movie wasn't half bad. It is a decent suspense film with bits of thriller thrown in here and there; there are some decent twists, though nothing you couldn't see coming. Eric Bana really isn't that good of an actor, though he is very attractive, you could pretty much replace him with any other European actor and the same efficacy would remain in tact. This movie is not earth-shattering, but is interesting enough to keep viewers entertained/hating the shadiness of government for a few hours.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 44%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" (2013)

Movie: "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones"
Director: Harald Zwart
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 10 minutes

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A young girl named Clary (Lily Collins) has a pretty normal existence, except that she has begun drawing a weird symbol without knowing it. At a nightclub, Clary and her best friend Simon (Robert Sheehan) see two very different goings on: Simon just sees people having a good time, and Clary sees a young, attractive man killing another club goer. After confronting the young man, named Jace (Jamie Campbell Bower), he tells her that she is a Shadowhunter like him. As the legend has it, a Shadowhunter is a line of humans descended from angels that kill demons on Earth, which remain seen by everyday, ordinary Mundanes (non-Shadowhunters). It turns out her the mother was also a Shadowhunter, and not only hid it from her, but also took her to have her memory blocked by a monk every year on her birthday. Clary's mother gets abducted by the former Shadowhunter known as Valentine (Johnathan Rhys Myers), who is looking for the Mortal Cup, one of the Mortal Instruments that will turn Mundanes into Shadowhunters if they drink Shadowhunter blood from the cup. Clary must join forces with Jace and his team in order to find the Cup and save her mother.

As people who have not read the book and/or the series, this movie was alright. It had enough action and dark themes to it to keep us interested. Before we ever saw this film, we had heard a lot of people (including the girl at the concession counter the same day we watched this movie) compare it and the books to the "Twilight" franchise. If we had to choose, we'd pick this any day. We don't think that's a fair comparison: the only things that are similar are that they are both fantasy/sci-fi tween romance books/movies. Clary, the protagonist, is not as much of a whiny, sniveling, codependent weakling as Bella Swan is. Even though there are vampires in this film, THEY DO NOT SPARKLE IN THE SUNLIGHT, THEY BURN UP LIKE THEY ARE FREAKIN' SUPPOSED TO!!!! DO YOUR JOB, VAMPIRES!!!

*cough*

Anyways, it's a decent fantasy film, not the best, but not the worst. It has an interesting enough concept to keep us entertained. The acting is nothing to write home about, and every time I see Jamie Campbell Bower on screen in any film, I want to immediately say, "I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel you Johaaaaaaanaaaaaa" because of "Sweeney Todd." If you like fantasy and/or teen romances, you'll probably enjoy this. I know a lot of the fans of the book were upset with this movie, but as people who have yet to read it, we cannot compare.

Lily Collins needs to close her mouth, though.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 12%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Getaway" (2013)

Movie: "Getaway"
Director: Courtney Solomon
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

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Summary: Vroom, vroom, vrooooooooooooooooom, Ethan Hawke's wife got kidnapped, nerrrrrr vroooooooooooooom vroooooooooooooooommm, crash vroooooooooooooooooom, crash, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeehh verrrrrrrrrrroooooooommm, reeeeeeeeeeerrrrhhh vrooooooom. Chipmunk jumps in car with gun (LOL YA RIGHT SELENA GOMEZ, WHY U THINK WE'RE IDIOT), vroooooooooooooooom, crash, dead end, vrooooooooooooom, Jon Voight's nasty mustache and food-filled smile, vrooooooooooooooom reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehh vroooooommm, explosion, vrooooooooooooooooom. End scene.

BigJ and I had literally no expectations of this film, and for me, those nonexistent expectations were not met. Talk about a 90 minute commercial for Shelby. Are Mustang sales really that far in the tank?

This movie is nothing more than a 90 minute car chase with a convoluted scheme featuring Jon Voight's toothy, foody smile (his person is never actually seen until the end of the movie), Selena Gomez's excuse to say "shit" as many times as she can before her parents realize she's been out past her curfew, and a washed up looking Ethan Hawke who doesn't really fit the role and basically just needed another (small) paycheck to pay his rent.

And how many damn gadgets does one spoiled rich girl need? Selena Gomez, her character's name "The Kid," has a cell phone, an iPad, a camera, and apparently has mad hacker skillz, yo. She discovers the source of a closed-circuit feed on her iPad in about 3 swipes/17 seconds. She was also able to get into the power plant's computer in seconds and switch a closed-circuit feed to a live feed and then route it to a police station in seconds. WHAT?

Ethan Hawke's character feels morally against shooting Selena Gomez when instructed to do so by The Voice, yet has no moral recourse for the thousands of pedestrian lives he could have/did endanger when cruising his vehicle across malls, through ice rinks, down stairs, into parks and crowded streets...why put this dialogue in there at all since it makes no sense that it's there in the first place?

How on earth did this movie get green-lit, and why did it get made in the first place? It is absolute, complete drivel. When done right, car chases in films can be fun and entertaining; after the 287th car chase, it starts to become redundant. This movie is not fun, or entertaining, or good. The people involved in this hot mess need to quit while they are ahead, especially Selena Gomez. Stick to singing, girl, though I can't honestly say you're very good at that, either. Actually, stick to storing nuts in dem cheeks for food during the winter (*SIDEBAR* I'd like to point out that this line was uttered by BigJ, so Selena Gomez fans, whatever you're calling yourselves these days, direct your anger towards him).

My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 2%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "Lee Daniels' The Butler" (2013)

Movie: "Lee Daniels' The Butler"
Director: Lee Daniels
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 12 minutes

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Inspired by a true story, "The Butler" is about a black man who spent over 30 years as a butler in the White House. The person that the "Cecil Gaines" character (Forest Whitaker) is modeled after worked through 6 different presidents, both Republican and Democrat. He also lived to see President Obama get elected. Though this movie focuses on one man and his job, it also deals mostly with the civil rights movement, fair treatment for all, the black power movement, and family. Cecil has a tumultuous relationship with his oldest son Louis (David Oyelowo), who just wants to make a difference in the world. Cecil also has a strenuous relationship with his wife Gloria (OPRAH!!!!!!), who is a drunk for much of the film. Cecil seems driven to perform his duties as a butler, while not getting involved in politics or commotion of the civil rights movement; he seems to prefer not to ruffle any feathers and keeps his head down, even when his very freedoms are challenged.

If you go into this movie knowing that most of it is untrue, you can enjoy it a lot more. For a story that is supposed to be inspired by true events, not much of this movie actually happened in real life. The Cecil character was not born on a cotton farm, didn't have two sons, one of them wasn't a Black Panther/involved in the civil rights movement/went to Vietnam, and his wife wasn't a drunk. The main points of contention in this movie revolve around the relationship between Cecil and his eldest son and all stem from these events, which turned out to be a complete fabrication added for dramatic emphasis. We have no problem with this, but why call it true events when none of it happened this way? Maybe writers thought that the life of a man who worked as a butler for the White House in and of itself wasn't particularly that interesting. As a curious moviegoer, seeing "inspired by true events" makes me want to go check out the true parts of the story. If "Pacific Rim" was inspired by true events, I'd check out when and where and how the alien invasion took place.

Another thing that bothered us: why is Cecil Gaines' 30+ year employment at the White House so important in this movie when Cuba Gooding Jr., Lenny Kravitz, and Colman Domingo's characters were all there before him, and seemed to be there after Cecil left his position? Lenny Kravitz's character offers Cecil Gaines champagne when he and Gloria attend Reagan's state dinner, which was around the time he left/was leaving his butler job. It doesn't make sense on a continuation timeline.

The lead actors did a fine job in their roles, Forest Whitaker in particular, though the script was a bit lacking and the movie overall was a bit long. The most distracting thing about this entire film, and even made it unbelievable at times, were the portrayal of the presidents. It's easiest to talk about James Marsden, who looks like a modern day John F. Kennedy. He did a fine job, and that's about where it ends. Robin Williams played Eisenhower, Liev Schreiber played Lyndon B. Johnson, John Cusack played Richard Nixon (he sounded like Nixon while looking like Cusack with a bad fake nose), and Alan Rickman played Ronald Reagan (who looked like Reagan while sounding like Alan Rickman). All of these actors are just fine in other roles, but as these respective presidents, you wonder what the casting directors were smoking when they made these decisions. Overall, their choices took away from this movie a lot, to the point where we could tell everyone in the theater around us also found them distracting. People literally laughed John Cusack came on the screen as Richard Nixon. Poor casting for the presidents.

Knowing most of this movie involved creative license by the writers and director takes away from this movies potential. We know it is very popular and lots of people love it, so maybe we're just disgruntled, but it kind of impacted my enjoyment of the film as well as my rating. Overall, it was fine, but don't describe and orange and call it a banana.

My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 72%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

Movie Review: "Kick-Ass 2" (2013)

Movie: "Kick-Ass 2"
Director: Jeff Wadlow
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 43 minutes

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Picking up a few years after the original, Dave Lizewski (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) has hung up his Kick-Ass costume and has opted for a normal high school life. He witnesses people becoming superheroes on TV, inspired by his actions, in order to help their community. As he grows bored with the mundane day-to-day lifestyle, he re-dawns his costume and begins training with the help of Mindy, aka Hit Girl (Chole Grace Moretz), who is continuing her father's legacy as a keeper of justice. Still angry about his father's murder, Chris D'Amico (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) is determined to become the city's first super-villain (The M*therf*cker), and to serve Kick-Ass with the justice he believes he deserves.

This sequel is still filled with comedic action and the same type of attitude of the original. The battle between Mother Russia and the police department is one of the better action sequences in the film and is done on a much lower budget than your average superhero flick. The superheros who banded together to help the community, including Colonel Stars and Stripes (Jim Carey) and Dr. Gravity (Donald Faison), made for an entertaining bunch of characters who all had interesting back-stories. Christopher Mintz-Plasse is always hilarious as Chris D'Amico, and that humongous chip on his shoulder combined with his drive to destroy Kick-Ass gives the movie a good battle between good and evil. If you enjoyed the first movie, you'll enjoy the sequel.

My Rating: 8.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 9.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 29%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "Kick-Ass" (2010)

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Movie: "Kick-Ass"
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Year: 2010
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 57 minutes

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is your everyday comic book nerd. He always wondered why no one in the real world tried to dawn an outfit and become a superhero. He has the bright idea of doing this himself, to be the first to become his own superhero, who he called Kick-Ass. His first attempt at being a superhero didn't turn out the way he wanted and Kick-Ass got his ass kicked, well, stabbed to be exact, and then run over by a car. After recovering from his injuries and with nerve damage that makes him not fell all the pain that is inflicted upon him, he gives it another go, and in the process, meets Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and his daughter Hit Girl (Chloe Grace Moretz), who are real ass kickers. Dave starts to get credit for Big Daddy's actions, and becomes the target of mafioso Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong). Dave must rise to the challenge or lose his life.

This is a very creative and well throughout out superhero movie. None of the characters have real superpowers, though Big Daddy is modeled after Batman; Nicolas Cage even takes it as far as mimicking Adam West's campy talking style/performance, which is quite comical. The more gritty R-rated comic book films are still very much alive and viable (as long as the budget doesn't become too bloated). "Kick-Ass" does very well with its limited budget and relatively newer main actors, aside from Cage, who probably did the film out of his love for comics themselves. It's full of very graphic violence, and obviously not for younger children (as the rating suggests), but older teens and adults who enjoy comic book style films will like this movie.

My Rating: 8.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 10/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 77%
Do we recommend this movie: I say yes, BigJ says ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "The Spectacular Now" (2013)

Movie: "The Spectacular Now"
Director: James Ponsoldt
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 35 minutes

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This frank coming-of-age story about an alcoholic senior in high school named Sutter Keely (Miles Teller), who is primarily interested in enjoying his young adult life, and is not too concerned about the future. He's extremely charming and well liked, but is constantly drunk, even at work and school. After a night of partying after breaking up with his girlfriend, Sutter ends up passed out on a lawn and is found by Aimee Finicky (Shailene Woodley) while she's delivering newspapers. Sutter and Aimee grow closer, all while he is dealing with lingering feelings for his ex-girlfriend, plus issues with his mother Sara (Jennifer Jason Leigh), who has not let him see his father Tommy (Kyle Chandler) for several years. Sutter helps Aimee come out of her social shell and helps her gain the courage to tell her mother that she wants to leave the state and go to school in Philadelphia.

This movie is definitely an honest portrayal of teenage life and the troubles teens face. So many movies today sugarcoat everything and make life seem great in an unbelievable supermodel and jock infested high school existence. Very rarely is a coming-of-age film put out with normal looking, average teenagers (half of the time, the actors and actresses playing teenagers are well into their late 20's and 30's). This smart casting decision makes the story wholly more believable.

Shailene Woodley and Miles Teller are fantastic in this movie, they give truly great performances. Teller's character is the class clown type who has to act like nothing phases him, while Woodley is a more reserved, introverted, geeky girl who wears her emotions on her sleeve. I thought they performed extremely well together and we believed the entire time that this story could (and has) happened at some point, somewhere. Their chemistry make this movie funny at times, sad at times, and generally gut-wrenching throughout the film. On a personal note, the relationship that Sutter has with his dad sort of reminds me of my own "relationship" with my father, and it really hit home for me.

I wouldn't be surprised if we see some award nods for these two down the road (Shailene Woodley has already been nominated for the best supporting actress Golden Globe award for "The Descendants").

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating:. 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 92%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

Movie Review: "Paranoia" (2013)

Movie: "Paranoia"
Director: Robert Luketic
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 46 minutes

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Lesser Hemsworth* is a entry level peon working for Gary Oldman at a corporation that does something with phones. Lesser Hemsworth* wants to be more than a middle class schmuck/end up like his father, who was a security guard (Richard Dreyfuss, you don't need any more money). After giving a presentation to Oldman, Lesser's* idea is shot down when he gets testy, and he and his team are fired. After a night of partying on the company's dime (LOL, like they wouldn't find out immediately), Lesser Hemsworth* is blackmailed by Oldman into committing corporate espionage in the span of about a week; his task is to infiltrate Harrison Ford's cell phone company (and biggest competitor to Oldman) and steal his groundbreaking cell phone prototype and idea thingy.

 * = not a typo.

Why, why, WHY, why, WHY????

Gary Oldman, you were better than this.
Harrison Ford, you were Han motherf**king Solo.
Richard Dreyfuss, you conducted bands and chased down Jaws.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING WITH LESSER HEMSWORTH?????

For a movie with so many big named stars, this is boring, trite, inconceivable in its time frame, poorly executed, poorly shot, poorly paced, poorly written, and that's being nice. The only people ever worth watching in this film are Oldman and Ford, and they each garner one complete point towards our ratings. If they are not present in the scene (which is OVER HALF OF THE FILM), it's virtually unwatchable. The plot is ridiculous. We both fought back the sudden urge to shut our eyes and drift into la-la land, free of Lesser Hemsworth.

Amber Heard adds nothing to the film except fake tears, idiocy, and phony sashaying. Liam Hemsworth is not a good actor, period. Sure, he and she are both pretty people, but pretty does not equal the ability to act. In fact, if they were trapped in a paper bag, they wouldn't be able to act their way out of it.

Someone on IMDB said that, for a 2% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, this movie better be "Plan 9 From Outer Space" bad. The difference here is that while "Plan 9 From Outer Space" can now be looked upon with cinematic integreity as a horrible but hilarious throwback, "Paranoia" will never, EVER be spoken of highly. Ever. Not now, not in 20 years, not ever. No one will remember this movie. It will be a twinkle in Liam Hemsworth's eye when he's forced back down under after Miley Cyrus has twerked herself into an early grave.

If you had any inkling to see this movie based on it including Gary Oldman or Harrison Ford, don't. Save yourself 2 hours and watch them be rivals in "Air Force One." You can thank us later.

PS: Happy Labor Day!


My Rating: 3/10 (one point for Oldman, one point for Ford, one point for the movie)
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 2%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "You're Next" (2011)

Movie: "You're Next"
Director: Adam Wingard
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 34 minutes

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When a family reunites for their parent's 35th wedding anniversary at their house in the secluded woods, the Davison family becomes the target of crazy killers wearing animal masks. One by one, the family begins to perish, and it is up to the remaining few to fight back, seek help, and survive.

You may not know it from the trailer, but this film is pretty dang funny. There's a good amount of blood, jump scares, and creepiness mixed in with the dark humor, of course, but it's funny in an "Evil Dead II" kind of way. None of the actors here are very well known, but they get the job done...this isn't the kind of movie that will get nominated for any Oscar's, but it's certainly worth the price of admission. As simple as animal masks are, they sure are freakin' creepy. The makeup work is really well done, too. Everything down to the digital soundtrack is eerie and well executed and seems to be a throwback to horror films of the 1970s-1980s. Even with such a simple storyline like a home invasion, this film has managed to throw in several plot twists to keep audiences interested.

We both really liked this movie. It will make you think twice about going into the woods to visit your family...you never know who you can trust or not.

My Rating: 8/10
BigJ's Rating: 8/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 76%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!