Thursday, February 27, 2014

Movie Review: "That Awkward Moment" (2014)

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Movie"That Awkward Moment"
Director: Tom Gormican
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 34 minutes

Jason (Zac Efron) is a womanizing player. He spends his nights engaging in casual sex with women on his "roster," a list of ladies he rotates through as he needs to, and eliminates them as soon as he feels they are getting too close. Daniel (Miles Teller), Jason's friend and coworker, does pretty much the same thing. Mikey (Michael B. Jordan), on the other hand, is their only married friend and is quite a successful doctor. When Mikey's marriage abruptly ends after his wife cheats on him, the three friends make a pact that they will all stay single and do nothing but party in order to help Mikey get back in the game. And, wouldn't you know it, just as they begin their pact, the perfect women float into their lives unexpectedly. Hilarity ensues...

...only it doesn't.
What a piece of crap.
This is the same boring, regurgitated plot and formula dredged up time and time again: Boy meets girl, they hit it off, there's a problem, they break up only to make up after a grand romantic gesture.

The movie, as expected, is filled with dick and poo jokes, literally. The main running joke in the film is about how Daniel comes over to Jason's apartment and takes a dump every single time he's there. It's not funny the first time, and it won't be funny if it is repeated 6 or 7 times throughout the course of 94 minutes. HOW DARE HE use the commode for its intended purpose!!! FOR SHAME!!!!

I grow so tired of this bullshit notion that men have to be players in order to find love and get dates. It's tiresome, not to mention a feminist's worst nightmare. Here's a newsflash for you: NOT ALL GUYS FEEL THE NEED TO BE ASSHOLES. Some of the scenes in this movie are downright vile...the way the 3 men treat women is atrocious, using them for sex and then discarding them when the women feel the slightest twinge of emotional investment in the man. Can we even say they were really men at all? They are more like almost 30-year old man-children.

I'm not even mad about this. I know this is the popular thing to do, go to bars and pick up women or men for random sex. We get it. Maybe I've been "out of the game" for too long, but damn, isn't this scenario played out? This situation will always exist on the big screen, and I have no doubt we will see it a million more times, but this movie ISN'T EVEN FUNNY. It's just a never-ending stream of f-bombs, jokes about erections, jokes about pooing, with sprinkles of something that resembles sentimentality at a fourth-grade level. This movie is the lowest common denominator yet again. I have no one to blame but myself, I knew this was exactly what it was going to be.

Perhaps the vilest thing of all is even when something horrible happens to the women he likes, Jason can't get his head out of his ass long enough to come around to show his support. But, with one simple gift of a drawing, the girl stupidly gives him another chance. Let me tell you something: if I had missed BigJ's mom's funeral "just because," I have a hunch we wouldn't be married anymore.

Another thing: no one with half a brain would hear "I'm having a party where you need to dress up" AFTER ASKING if it was a formal party and show up wearing a gigantic strap-on. NO ONE. It takes 45 seconds to text someone for clarification. And, if you're still confused about what to do, just dress up in a suit on the off chance that it is a costume party and simply say you're dressed as James Bond. JEBUS, HOLLYWOOD, stop assuming people are this idiotic!!!!

This movie is stupid all-around but didn't enrage BigJ like it did me. My beef is more with the feminist aspect of things (and in an effort to not get too preachy, I will spare you more details). That, and how a movie billed as a comedy should, you know, make people laugh from time to time. I laughed a total of once in 94 minutes. ONCE.

Now, if you know us personally, you know we're pretty damn easy going when it comes to comedy, and we have laughed at our fair share of dick and fart jokes, but when they are encased in a soft shell of misogyny, try-hardness, bad spray-tanner, and poor delivery, it makes for an "awkward" viewing experience. See what we did there? That closer alone was funnier than "That Awkward Moment," and you know it.

My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 22%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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