Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Netflix Mail Day Movie Review: "About Last Night" (2014)

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Movie"About Last Night"
Director: Steve Pink
Year: 2014
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 40 minutes

Bernie (Kevin Hart) and Joan (Regina Hall) tell their friends about their hookup from the previous night on their way to their 2nd non-date date. It's at this date that they introduce their friends Danny (Michael Ealy) and Debby (Joy Bryant) to each other. Danny and Debby seem to hit it off despite the awkwardness created by the very drunk public display of sexuality by Bernie and Joan. When Bernie and Joan head to the restroom to hookup again, Danny and Debby leave and wind up walking back to Danny's together, where they sleep together. They move quickly to dating, then to a steady relationship, then to moving in together. Once they move in together, their lives become a chore as they often argue and are unhappy with the banality of their relationship. It doesn't help that Bernie and Joan, now separated, are constantly planting seeds of doubt in their friend's heads.  

Can we start off with a question, folks? Why was this movie remade in the first place? It wasn't all that popular and didn't really necessitate a remake...so what gives?

This is an updated version of the forgettable 1980's film of the same name. The story is brought up to modern times but the overall theme remains the same. This movie runs with the ever-reliable cliche that being single is a constant party with boundless freedom and an endless supply of women or men willing to jump in bed at the drop of a hat. On the opposing view, being in a relationship is stifling and grows more mundane with each passing day, where a physical relationship becomes secondary to everything else in your life. There is even a scene in this film where Danny complains that he and Debby have gone without sex for a whopping 3 days. 3 DAYS!!!!! What the f**k, man?!?!? #FirstWorldProblems

Kevin Hart brings his obnoxious brand of comedy to the character of Bernie. I feel like Kevin Hart's entire career is one big exclusive inside joke that we are not privy to. We have tried on countless occasions to enjoy his work with an open mind, and though people everywhere seem to love him as a comedian, we just aren't in on the joke. BigJ finds him much more annoying as opposed to funny. A lot of his humor has to do with the fact that he is short, and we get it, it's like a fat comedian always talking about being large: it gets tiring after the 7,000th joke. What's particularly grating about his character in this film is the fact that he equates women to their genitalia constantly. Almost every single time he talks about any woman in any scene, he is referring to an actual physical human women with a life and feelings and dignity as "pussy." As feminists, there is really nothing worse than this. We are often reduced to our genitalia, but this takes it to the nth degree. Really, his entire character is just a dick (SEE WHAT WE DID THERE?!?!?!?). We must repeat ourselves, yet again, we are not prudes, but this tired expression of women as "just a piece of ass" is just that: boring, cliched, and doesn't make for a particularly enjoyable viewing experience. It very rarely is ever funny. EVER. The rest of the humor in the film is based around the arguing between Bernie and Joan and their bizarre sexual relationship. Danny and Debby are relatively boring characters, so it's really no surprise that their relationship is just as boring. We laughed exactly two times. The first involved a plastic bag. The second involved a chicken mask. You do the math.

Many times, relationships do end up the way Debby and Danny did, but a lot of the time, people are not willing to put in the time and the effort to get to know each other before making such a huge commitment like moving in together. People say this film represents what it's like to be in a modern relationship. Maybe BigJ and I have been part of a couple for so long that we have no idea how "the game" has changed, but if this movie is the model representation for how a relationship should be, no one would ever be together. The entire point of this movie, in the end, is that relationships are boring and that you will be doomed to be unhappy and you just have to deal with it. Danny was miserable in his first relationship, gets out of it, then got with Debby, was happy for a little while, then got miserable again, so they ended it, and then he was miserable without her! You just can't win. Maybe the problem isn't his relationships, maybe Danny is just a dick, too. (SEE WHAT WE DID THERE x2?!?!?!)

And for god's sake, Michael Ealy, you are a terrible damn actor. I wish I could make money off of my gorgeous smile, too, then I'd be a billionaire.

Oh, and by the way, if I had friends that talked as much shit as these people do behind their friend's backs, I would be friendless because ain't nobody got time for that!

My Rating: 3.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 3.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 68%
Do we recommend this movie: No.
One year ago, we were watching: "Tess"

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