Movie Review #403: "Meet the Blacks" (2016)

Movie: "Meet the Blacks"
Director: Deon Taylor
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

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After stealing a large some of money from a local drug dealer, Carl Black (Mike Epps) moves his family from Chicago to Beverley Hills in the hopes of a better life. However, the annual Purge is coming, and he is quickly finding out the Black family isn't safe anywhere, even one of the richest neighborhoods in the country.

This movie makes "Fifty Shades of Black" look like "Schindler's List."

Deon Taylor's "Meet the Blacks" is a parody (if you can call it that) of the 2013 horror flick "The Purge," but in the worst, loosest sense. Where "The Purge" had some semblance of social commentary about class warfare, "Meet the Blacks" reduces itself to a host of racial stereotypes one after the other for a long, dreadful 1 hour and 30 minutes. If you managed to see the trailer for this film, which is highly unlikely (we go to the movies multiple times a week and only saw it once), it appears to sell itself as a story about a black family who moves into a predominantly white neighborhood and becomes the number one target of the Purge because of their skin color. However, this is not what happens. What actually happens is the Black family, comprised of the lying patriarch Carl, played by Mike Epps, the booby stepmom Lorena, played by Zulay Henao, the youngest kid who thinks he's a vampire Carl(s) Jr, played by Alex Henderson, the selfish, oblivious daughter played by Bresha Webb, and the perverted jailbird cousin Cronut, played by Lil Duval, move to Beverley Hills to escape Chicago, and on Purge night are targeted by people from their hometown community for a number of reasons. These reasons include but are not limited to: because Carl Black stole from them, because Carl Black cheated them, because Carl Black owes them money, because Carl Black is being targeted by his probation officer, because Carl Black is at the mercy of a repo man, and because Carl Black is being stalked by a crazy woman he had a fling with one time. All of the jokes are centered around cultural stereotypes, the worst, most negative stereotypes at that.

"Meet the Blacks" is an example of lazy film making at its worst. It doesn't even bother to really change the general plot of "The Purge" because it's still the same basic story, just with a bunch of unfunny jokes thrown in, plus a thousand 'n'-words and a few 'motherf***kers' for good measure. This is supposed to be what classifies as entertaining? We have no idea who would find this film remotely funny. Nobody here can act worth a damn. The interactions and dialogue are so forced, we found ourselves scratching our heads as to why and how they all got hired in the first place. We'd be okay never seeing anyone from this film on the silver screen ever again, and that goes for you too, Mike Tyson. We don't know who the hell decided Mike Epps was funny because he's absolutely not. He's like a less funny, less talented, less relevant Kevin Hart or Martin Lawrence, and when was the last time he was relevant? His character reinforces every negative thing racists have ever said about black culture, and we cringed knowing this. Who is this movie made for exactly? We sat in a theater with three other people in it and we heard only one pithy laugh the entire time. There is no wit, no charm, no substance at all. It's not like comedies need to be deep or poignant every single time, but this one only offers the absolute lowest form of humor, in addition to a slew of cameos from C and D-list celebrities. Perez Hilton? TI's wife Tiny? Charlie Murphy?! Good lord, where did they dig up these people? These names haven't been relevant for a long time, and neither have Paris Hilton or Nick Cannon, who get talked about at length as the butt of a few idiotic jokes and comparisons.

The bottom line is "Meet the Blacks" straight up sucks. The point of a comedy is to make audiences laugh, and when a comedy produces nothing but groans and moans, it's utterly painful to watch unfold. There's nothing good about a movie like this, and nothing good can come from it, either. People of all races should be offended this film even exists. Zulay Henao is a talentless Sofia Vergara wannabe, Mike Epps is the least funny person we've seen on screen in a long time, and no one acts well here. There is basically no cohesive plot and it shouldn't be even called a parody, it's racist within its own race, it's too long, it's not funny, it's poorly edited, badly directly, shoddily composed, and should have never seen the light of day. "Meet the Blacks" should have met the bottom of a straight-to-DVD bin. Steer clear of this one at all costs.

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: 2.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 17%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
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One year ago, we were watching: "Furious 7"