Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Movie Review: "Hop" (2011)

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Director: Tim Hill
Year: 2011
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 35 minutes

The Easter Bunny (Hugh Laurie) wants to pass on the family business to his son E.B. (Russell Brand). E.B., however, is not even the slightest bit interested in being the Easter Bunny and would rather be a professional drummer instead. Meanwhile, a man named Fred O'Hare (James Marsden) has been living with his parents for the past year since he was laid off from his job. He hasn't been able to find the right job for him, but after running into E.B., he starts to think that maybe he could take over as the Easter Bunny so E.B. can pursue his dream of being a drummer.

Illumination Entertainment is best known for "Despicable Me" and its subsequent sequels. After the success they had with their initial offering, Illumination thought they would try and tackle the seldom dealt with holiday of Easter. They must have figured "hey, there are a ton of Christmas movies and a ton of Halloween films and even the occasional Thanksgiving flick, but darn it, there are hardly any Easter movies!"...well, you know, excluding the ones about a man being beaten to death and nailed to a piece of wood for our sins. Making a film about the Easter Bunny should have been easy. Bunnies are adorable, the Easter Bunny brings candy and toys for kids, egg hunts, yada yada blah blah blah, bing-bang-boom-millions.

So, what Tim Hill and his crew decided to do is make a movie about an angsty, obnoxious rabbit, voiced by Russell Brand, who doesn't want to hand out candy, but instead, wants to be a professional drummer. MAKES TOTAL SENSE. This rabbit is named E.B......get it? As in Easter Bunny?! OH MY GOD SO CLEVER!!!! E.B. talks and walks and wears band t-shirts and craps jelly beans. Yes, you read that right: your child's Easter candy comes from bunny poop. After angrily arguing with his equally annoying father, voiced by Hugh Laurie, E.B. runs off and ventures away from his home on the Easter Islands.....get it?? Easter Islands???? OH MY GOD SO CLEVER!!!! E.B. is nearly run over and killed by a car, being driven by an unemployed slacker named Fred O'Hare, played by James Marsden.....get it?? Hare??? OH MY GOD SO CLEVER!!!! E.B. clings to Fred after this incident, even after Fred kind of freaks out about meeting a talking rabbit. Because E.B. can talk and drum and do all of the things bunnies don't normally do, this causes Fred to bumble about his life anywhere and everywhere while acting like an ass trying to hide E.B., which is utterly stupid because Fred is literally the only character in the whole movie who seems freaked out by this talking, drum-playing rabbit. Everyone else who interacts with E.B. seem to think this anthropomorphic rabbit is completely normal and nowhere near out of the ordinary. It all boils down to E.B. not wanting to follow in his father's footsteps to become the Easter Bunny, and instead, wanting to pursue his passion no matter what the cost.

"Hop" is one of the worst movies we have ever seen and we are angry just repeating our experience with it. It is such a boring drudgery of a film. Everything about it is absolutely horrendous. The story and its writing are simultaneously dumb and terrible, the characters are moronic, the plot doesn't make sense, and the live action acting AND voice-over work are both equally terrible. It's as if someone kidnapped James Marsden's family and held them hostage, and their only ransom requirement was for him to be in this film or else they would all be blown to smithereens. We would have taken the risk, that's how bad this is. He is atrocious here, and so is Russell Brand as E.B. in a completely mismatched role for the British paparazzi-beating comedian. There is also a giant chick named Carlos, voiced by Hank Azaria, who speaks in a bad, stereotypical Latin accent and is the villain of the story for some reason. He works for the Easter bunny and has for decades, but all of a sudden, he also want to be the Easter bunny, too. Instead of handing out candy, he wants to hand out worms despite the fact that he has spent decades making candy for Easter. IT MAKES NO SENSE. And trust us, we know we sound stupid for picking this film apart, but it's just so damn idiotic, so asinine, so poorly written and awfully constructed that it literally almost drove us crazy while watching it. This movie is torturous to sit through and slogs by at a snail's pace as you're sitting there already fully aware of how every second that passes is yet another second of your life you will never get back.

If you're thinking of letting your children watch "Hop" during the Easter holiday, don't. Be a better parent than this. Your kids should hate you if you make them watch something this dreadfully repugnant.

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 25%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
One year ago, we were watching: "Twins"

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