Movie Review: "The Rider" (2017)

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Movie: "The Rider"

Director: Chloé Zhao
Year: 2017
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

After a dangerous head injury, a competitive bronco rider examines his life and must come to terms with what his future holds.

"I heard you had that touch. Now I finally get to see it." (Image Source)

It's hard to give up on your dreams, but sometimes life has other plans. "The Rider" is written, directed, and produced by Bonnie Award winner Chloé Zhao. This is her second feature-length film, her first being "Songs My Brother Taught Me." It stars real-life cowboys and rodeo competitors and is a fictional story based on true events. Brady, Tim, and Lilly Jandreau play on-screen family Brady, Wayne, and Lilly Blackburn. Brady had been an up-and-coming star in the bronco riding rodeo circuit, but a severe head injury stopped his rise in the rodeo world. His injury even made him suspend his day job of training horses. Brady must now find a new way to occupy his time and earn a living, or risk his health and go back to doing the thing he loves that gives him purpose.

"Metal's strong, it's supposed to not break. He'll be fine." (Image Source)

Another indie film, another slice-of-life character sketch. "The Rider" reminds us films like "The Wrestler" and "Million Dollar Baby" where athletes who once lived in the spotlight are forced to rethink their dreams due to external forces. What separates a movie like "The Rider" is a more meandering pace and a lack of dramatic family conflict, mostly because it doesn't actually star any actors. These are real people who have (almost entirely) led the lives being shown on screen. We have seen this tactic implemented before in movies like 2012's "Act of Valor" and in Clint Eastwood's 2018 film "The 15:17 to Paris." It seems like filmmakers do this in order to capture a more authentic feel, though the desired effect is not always achieved. Because the people in this film are not actors, it often results in wooden performances that lack nuance and emotion. Luckily, Brady Jandreau offers more inflection than the others and delivers many of his scenes convincingly. The same cannot be said for other people like Tim Jandreau and Cat Clifford, who sound like they are reading directly off the page. That being said, we do appreciate Chloé Zhao hiring real people in her film. Another thing we appreciate is that some of the people in this movie are actually disabled, which is something we don't see too terribly often from Hollywood. Lane Scott, who plays himself, was an actual bull rider who had his career cut short when he was badly injured in a car accident, though we do believe the film implies Scott's injuries were the result of a bull riding incident. It is Brady's scenes with Lane that deliver the most impactful moments as we see him help Lane imagine himself reliving his glory days through intense physical therapy.

"You can't be rodeoing forever, right?" (Image Source)

It seems the main purpose of "The Rider" is to explore how mundane Brady's life has become post-injury. Since he can no longer participate in any competitions, and since he can't train horses anymore, and since he can't even ride them without the looming threat of permanent damage, his entire life must be altered because being around horses is all he's ever known. With no education and few skills beyond horse riding and rearing, Brady is now forced to work a boring 9-5 as a clerk at a grocery store. The horror! We get to follow his humdrum journey every step of the way, and for some, that may be enough. BigJ found himself looking for something a little more hard-hitting and emotional than what he got here. For me, I found "The Rider" to be smart, well executed, and methodical when elongating and accentuating the mundanities of life in South Dakota for one man who has had to give up his aspirations all too soon. In the end, this is a very good movie, but be aware that it does drag from time to time.

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.6/10
RT Rating: ~97%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Movie Review: "The 15:17 to Paris" (2018)

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Movie: "The 15:17 to Paris"

Director: Clint Eastwood
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 34 minutes

The true-life story of how a group of unarmed men stopped what could have been a devastating terrorist attack on a train in France.

"You risked your lives to support an idea." (Image Source)

See, you actually *don't* need a good guy with a gun to stop a bad guy with a gun! All you need is are few good guys with giant huevos willing to put themselves in danger to help others. "The 15:17 to Paris" is directed by Clint Eastwood, who has directed many amazing films like "Mystic River," "Million Dollar Baby," and "Gran Torino." Lately, Eastwood has been focusing more on real-life American heroes as the subjects of his stories. This movie is yet another true-life story of three Americans, U.S. Ariman Spencer Stone, Army National Guardsman Alek Skarlotos, and plain ol' civilian Anthony Sadler. Along with two French Nationals, these men thwarted a terrorist attack on a train to Paris. Though there were many heroes from several countries on the train that fateful day, this particular story is mostly focused on these three Americans (more specifically Spencer Stone) who had been friends since childhood. Nearly all of the people involved in the actual incident on the 15:17 train to Paris play their real-life counterparts in this film, with the exception of the French National that first engaged the terrorist and chose to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions, as well as the terrorist himself.

"My God is bigger than your statistics." (Image Source)

Every single person on the 15:17 train owes a debt of gratitude to those who helped stop the terrorists that day. There is no disputing this fact. As brave as these men were in real life and as capable as they were when taking down an armed assailant, they are not actors. Because of this, they are incapable of delivering convincing performances even when they are reenacting moments from their own lives. We might have been able to give the movie a pass if these gentlemen were the only people giving bad performances, but even professional actors like Jenna Fischer and Judy Greer, who play the mothers of Stone and Skarlotos, are terrible here. They have been given some of the worst, most eye-rolling dialogue ever written, and they deliver these atrocious words in such an overly dramatic way that the Lifetime channel called and wanted royalties from them.

"I just didn't want my family to hear I died hiding underneath a desk." (Image Source)

Beyond the bad acting, the movie itself is an absolute slog. It drags at a snail's pace until the last 15 minutes, focusing on the childhoods and upbringings of Spencer Stone and his two friends, all of which leads to the most heroic moment of their lives. Instead of concentrating on the foiling of this terrorist attack, Clint Eastwood assumed the audience wants to see how these kids were raised and discover how one of their teachers thought one of the boys learning disability. It was difficult for us to maintain our interest in this project and it was a genuine struggle to keep our eyes open while watching this plodding disaster. It is one of the most boring films we have seen in a long time, until the final moments on the train, which only last about five minutes or so. A couple of mediocre-but-worthwhile moments in a 94-minute film does not make for a good viewing experience despite its incredible premise.

We wish we could say we recommend "The 15:17 to Paris," but there are probably many other better, more entertaining ways to familiarize yourself with these men and their brave and selfless act. Just read their Wikipedia pages or buy their book instead.

**Did you know we have a podcast? Check out the episode where we discuss "The 15:17 to Paris" right here! Our review starts at 2:57!**

My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: ~5.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~25%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Movie Review: "The Kissing Booth" (2018)

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Movie: "The Kissing Booth"
Director: Vince Marcello
Year: 2018
Rating: TV-14
Running Time: 1 hour, 45 minutes

Elle and Lee's friendship is put in jeopardy when Elle falls for Lee's older brother Noah.

"Don't wind up grinding coochies with my brother or I'll literally never talk to you again." (Image Source)

The story in "The Kissing Booth" is so full of teenage melodrama and cheesy dialogue that one might think it was written by a 17-year-old girl.......oh wait, it was. This movie is directed by Vince Marcello, who is known for directing many installments in the straight-to-DVD "American Girl" series, as well as Nickelodeon's "Liar, Liar, Vampire." Marcello also wrote the screenplay, which is based on a novel by Beth Reekles, who was a 17-year-old at the time it was published. The story follows best friends Elle (Joey King) and Lee (Joel Courtney), who have basically known each other since birth. Their biggest pastimes include playing video games like a knock-off of "dance, dance, revolution" and sharing ice cream. Entering their junior year of high school, Elle has suddenly matured. On the first day of school, her last pair of pants rip, so she is forced to wear a skirt that is a couple of sizes too small since her backup pants are at the cleaner. RELATABLE! That day, all the boys take notice of her. When one of the jocks at school smacks her butt, Lee's older brother Noah runs to her defense. As this happens more and more often, Elle and Noah start to fall for each other, but they know that telling Lee they are an item will break his heart despite not having any romantic interest in Elle. He's just tired of his brother getting everything that he wants.

"It's never good to hear your childhood crush say there's nothing good in your pants." (Image Source)

"The Kissing Booth" is yet another Netflix original movie. It's a formulaic teen romance meant to make girls ages 12 to 17 "oooooh" and "awwwww" over all the sexy musclebound guys and swoon at the thought of an unpopular girl having a forbidden romance with the most popular, most sought-after guy in school. This seems to be a movie that wants to have a somewhat empowering message for young girls when it comes to their own agency and sexuality. At the same time, it loses itself entirely as Elle gains her popularity not through confidence, but through careless behavior. She wears a very short skirt that gets unwanted attention and even gets her butt slapped before being rescued by Noah. She voluntarily gets drunk at a party, strips down to her underwear, and is a half a second away from getting into her birthday suit before she is, once again, saved by Noah. She accidentally enters the boy's locker room where she takes off her shirt and runs around the room in her bra while flashing the other boys in order to make Noah jealous. Talk about a mixed message! Much of the overall conflict between Noah and Lee makes it feel like Elle is being fought over like a piece of property. The 1900's called, it wants their premise back.

"No boobs are worth a broken nose." (Image Source)

"The Kissing Booth" is full of one cringe-worthy moment after the other for 104 minutes. We rolled our eyes so many times, we thought they might fall right out of their sockets. The piss-poor message is not the only problem we had with this movie. The pacing is dreadful. The story drags on and on in a slog-like fashion, repeating itself over and over for no rhyme or reason other than its lack of an actual story. Look, we're not morons. We know we're not the target audience for this movie. It's obviously for a target audience of 12-to-17-year-old girls who will only halfway pay attention to it while texting their friends and making Instagram stories. See? We're hip. We're with it. We know about the 'gramz. Honestly, if those 12-to-17-year-old girls were smart, they would stay away from this dopey, silly, predictable teen romance with sub-par acting. Netflix needs start focusing on making fewer movies of a higher quality rather than churning out a high quantity of low-quality movies like they do now.

My Rating: 1.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.5/10
RT Rating: ---%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Movie Review: "Solo: A Star Wars Story" (2018)

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Movie: "Solo: A Star Wars Story"

Director: Ron Howard
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 15 minutes

Han Solo escapes the slums of Corellia and joins a crew of smugglers for a dangerous mission in the hopes that he can earn enough money to buy his own ship and no longer have to take orders from anyone.

"Joining the cause, Han Solo?" (Image Source)

Much of the outcry leading up to the release of "Solo: A Star Wars Story" reminded us a lot of how young children don't want to eat their vegetables. They complain to high heaven about how terrible they are until they finally suck it up and try them. As long as kids try them with an open mind, they may discover they aren't half bad. The veggies may not be their most favorite thing in the world to eat, but they certainly aren't terrible. That has been our experience with "Solo: A Star Wars Story." It is directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller Oscar-winning director Ron Howard, who has directed films like "Willow," "Apollo 13," and "Frost Nixon." The film is written by Jonathan and Lawrence Kasdan. Lawrence has been a writer on numerous "Star Wars" installments, including "The Empire Strikes Back," "Return of the Jedi," and "The Force Awakens." The film focuses on the origin of a young Han Solo (Alden Ehrenreich) and how he became a smuggler. As a youngling, he grew up in the slums of Corellia doing everything he could to get by, often stealing things and getting mixed up with an unsavory crowd. His dream is to get enough money to buy him and his lover Qi'ra's (Emilia Clarke) way off of the totalitarian system he calls home. After Han makes it off the planet and Qi'ra doesn't, he vows to come back for her. All he needs is enough money to buy himself a ship so he can finally be free, rescue Qi'ra, and live life the way he wants to. As is par for the course for Han Solo, things don't work out like he planned.

"Sometimes you put your faith in the wrong people." (Image Source)

As lifelong "Star Wars" fans, we will admit that it's hard to see anyone fill the role of Han Solo besides Harrison Ford. Ford and the other actors in the original trilogy had a rough quality that this standalone film lacks in its more polished, "GQ" presentation. While we were watching "Solo," it took quite some time for us to adjust to seeing Alden Ehrenreich playing Han. Luckily, there are moments (albeit fleeting) when Ehrenreich is able to sell the familiar swagger and cockiness that Han Solo is known for as a character. He does a decent job here, and we appreciate the fact that he is not entirely copying Ford's portrayal. On the flip side, it did not take a long time for us to see Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian. From the first words he utters, we only ever saw him as Lando. Glover picks up on the charm and self-serving nature that Lando has always possessed, and he is absolutely magnificent as the best part of this movie. We also liked newcomer robot L3-37. She has a quick and brazen attitude and a penchant and quickness for speaking her mind when it comes to equal right for robots. We wish we had gotten a better read on Emilia Clarke's Qi'ra, though we have a feeling she will show up in more films in the future. Because she's not playing a beloved "Star Wars" character, Clarke gets the freedom to be who she wants and do what she needs in the role, but we feel like we still don't know her whole story yet.

"I admire anyone who can crawl their way out of a sewer." (Image Source)

"Solo: A Star Wars Story" offers audiences a heavy dose of nostalgia and fan service. We see a lot of familiar things, from characters to quotes, from prized objects to specific places, that have been quintessential in the original trilogy and other parts of the franchise. These "member-berries" come frequently and must be taken in stride to really focus on the meat of the story. At its core, this tale is about thieves trying to steal at the behest of a gangster. There aren't many emotional stakes since we know what is going to happen to the characters we are most connected to like Han, Chewbacca, and Lando. As for the characters we aren't as connected to (mostly because they have never appeared in the franchise before), some of them feel a little too disposable. Only a couple of them get developed enough to make us care what happens to them.

"Wherever we go, it can't be worse than where we've been." (Image Source)

"Solo: A Star Wars Story" might not be the epic battle between fascism and freedom that has themed the other entries in the "Star Wars" franchise, but this movie is still a fun, enjoyable ride. It is worth checking out for those who are willing to approach it without any preconceived notions about what it should or shouldn't be. At the end of the day, and call us corporate whores if you want to, but we will take a mid-level "Star Wars" movie over most other films any day of the week.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 8/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.2/10
RT Rating: ~70%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

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Movie Review: "Book Club" (2018)

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Movie: "Book Club"

Director: Bill Holderman
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

A group of longtime friends approaching their golden years meets every month for their book club. Their latest book is "Fifty Shades of Grey," which sparks a desire for romance in each of them.

"I don't care what society says about women our age, sex must not be taken off the table." (Image Source)

It turns out baby boomers like to engage in sexual activities and want to have spicy love lives just like the rest of society! "Book Club" is directed by first time director Bill Holderman, who also helped write the screenplay with Erin Simms, a first-time screenwriter. The story focuses on four longtime friends, Diane (Diane Keaton), Vivian (Jane Fonda), Sharon (Candice Bergen), and Carol (Mary Steenburgen), who are now in their golden years. The four have held a monthly book club consistently for many decades. The women have just finished their last book, "Wild," and Vivian, who is the most free-spirited of the bunch, picks "Fifty Shades of Grey" for their next book. As the women start to read the naughty novel, they begin to take a good, long, hard look at their loves lives, and each of them starts to think about what they might want out of their relationships. Diane, a recent widow with overbearing children, meets a guy who might allow her to find happiness again. Vivian, a self-made, independent businesswoman and swinging bachelorette, reunites with the man who could have been "the one" and discovers nothing has changed in 40 years. Sharon, a slightly prudish divorcee and Federal judge, has remained celibate for the nearly two decades since her divorce and is finally throwing herself back into the dating world on Bumble. Carol, who has been married to the same man forever, is trying to find new ways to reignite the spark in their marriage that has fizzled out since her husband retired. What are these women to do when they have Christian Grey as their spirit guide?

"To even be holding this book is embarrassing." (Image Source)

For the most part, "Book Club" is a by-the-numbers but still charming romance/friendship comedy. Each woman has their own stereotypical character to play, and each actor is very fitting in that role. Jane Fonda plays an unattached, hyper-sexualized swinger very well. Candice Bergen has always been believable as the slightly stuffy career person. We've seen Mary Steenburgen play roles like this in the past, even going as far back as "Parenthood" in the 1980's. Heck, she has even played Craig T. Nelson's wife in an earlier film. Diane Keaton literally plays a character named Diane. Need we say more? She has been doing this same role exact since "Annie Hall" without much variation. All of these women are extremely believable as four friends who have been through it all and have known each other since college.

There is also a solid supporting cast as well. The men who play their love interests include actors like Don Johnson, Andy Garcia, Richard Dreyfuss (who has one of the better scenes in the film with Candice Bergen), and the aforementioned Craig T. Nelson. Johnson plays the nearly perfect Arthur, Vivian's "one that got away." Garcia is perfect as the suave, devilishly handsome, stoic, loaded bachelor Mitchell. Nelson plays is a typical retiree who now doesn't know what to do with himself. Alicia Silverstone and Katie Aselton play Diane's helicopter daughters, Jill and Adrianne, and are the most annoying part of the movie. We're sure that someone, somewhere, treats their mother like they were an infant like Jill and Adrianne do. These characters insert themselves into every aspect of Diane's life, so much so that we started to wonder if they were going to chew her food and spit it out for her, too. C'mon Alicia, you thought we forgot? We'll NEVER forget. These characters are supremely irritating, but on the upside, we guess we have to call their performances "successful" since they were clearly instructed to go for "irksome." They certainly do a good job being just that.

"I just feel like it's worth living a little while we still can." (Image Source)

We're not going to lie. We laughed a lot during "Book Club," though I did laugh more than BigJ did. Like the rest of our viewing audience, I got a kick out of 3/4ths of this film. Unfortunately, the script is as predictable as can be. There are no surprises in the story. There's nothing new here, and while this movie won't win any awards, the cast is funny enough to make the experience both tolerable and moderately enjoyable.

My Rating: 6.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.3/10
RT Rating: ~57%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Movie Review: "Cocoon" (1985)

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Movie: "Cocoon"

Director: Ron Howard
Year: 1985
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 57 minutes

A group of senior citizens finds themselves revitalized after sneaking onto private property and swimming in a pool where visiting aliens have stored mysterious cocoons that they retrieved from the bottom of the ocean.

"The way nature's cheating us, I don't mind cheating her a little." (Image Source)

Hollywood has a penchant for making movies featuring older people acting young. They seem to be good for a giggle. "Cocoon" is directed by Ron Howard. He had directed movies like "Splash," "Gung Ho," and "Grand Theft Auto" previous to this sci-fi drama. It is written by Tom Benedek and David Saperstein. This film was their first time writing credit, and neither would go on to do much else. The story here revolves around a group of aliens disguised as humans who commission a boat captained by a man named Jack Bonner (Steve Guttenberg, because it was a legal requirement for him to be in all 80's comedies). Jack takes them to a remote part of the ocean where they retrieve several objects that looks like giant rocks. These aliens store these rock looking objects in a swimming pool at an estate they have recently leased. What they don't know is that a group of senior citizens from the neighboring retirement home have been sneaking onto the estate to swim in the pool. Once the cocoon-like objects are added to the water, the elderly folks start to feel the vim and vigor of their youth as their bodies magically heal and all of their health ailments begin to fade away. They strike a deal with the aliens to use the pool, but when other members of their community start to see their improvement, they want the same magic-cocoon-cure-all and threaten to ruin it for everyone.

"Age isn't everything." (Image Source)

This film starred quite the ensemble cast of veteran actors including Wilford Brimley, Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn, Maureen Stapleton, Jack Gilford, Gwen Verdon, and Don Ameche. Shockingly, Ameche took home a best supporting actor Oscar for his performance in this film back during when lighthearted family films could still gain consideration from Oscars voters.

Very early on in his career and before becoming an Oscar-winning director, many of Ron Howard's films were simple comedies. Such is the case with "Cocoon." It is a dramedy with a sci-fi fantasy twist that revolves around a group of senior citizens as its protagonists. You might compare this to how "Splash" was a simple rom-com, but with a fantasy twist. Most of this movie is about older people discovering a real-life fountain of youth, not one that makes them look younger on the outside, but one that makes them healthy and disease-free on the inside. With lots of newfound energy, these old folks hit the town and have fun in a lot of different ways. Don Ameche, or should we say his stunt double, even gets to have a break-dancing scene because, you know, the 80's. Suddenly, all of these old men feel more virile and want to have sex again. Stuff like that. As with most movies about mature adults acting youthful, "Cocoon" is very charming and fun, but has a hefty dose of 80's cheese as well. It also has some heart, though the narrative is as simple as it comes. This film also has Academy Award-winning visual effects that may be dated a little but still get the job done.

"I can't really remember the last time I took a risk." (Image Source)

Though "Cocoon" is not Ron Howard's best film, we still appreciate this simple, sweet tale and think it mostly holds up well over time.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.7/10
RT Rating: 77%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Feature Film Face-Off: "Ocean's 11" (1960) vs. "Ocean's Eleven" (2001)

Today, we are here with the first installment in our new series called FEATURE FILM FACE-OFF! In this segment, we will take two movies and pit them against each other in a cinematic battle for the ages! We will break down each film individually, compare and contrast them, and see which one will be crowned the winner.

"Ocean's 8" will be released this June. In honor of that spin-off, our first match-up features Lewis Milestone's "Ocean's 11" (1960), starring The Rat Pack (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr.), versus Steven Soderbergh's "Ocean's Eleven" (2001), starring George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and Julia Roberts. Is the original is always better than the remake? Let's examine each film and see if that's the case.

"Ocean's 11" (1960)

*ACTING/CHARACTERS*
+Stars The Rat Pack, who were very big at the time.

-The main actors are essentially playing themselves. They all stand around acting cool with their same Rat Pack characteristics (e.g. Martin and Davis Jr. get to sing multiple times).

+At least the actors look like they are having a good time filming the movie.

-Characters lack depth beyond "old army buddies."

-No real motivation for the crime apart from greed, with the exception of one character.

*DIRECTING/EDITING*
-The movie is poorly paced and constantly drags, is a bit of a slog to get through.

-Milestone spends too much time focusing on the least interesting parts of the story.

*NARRATIVE*
-Too much time is spent on rounding up members of the crew.

-There are several wasted scenes that never seem to serve any purpose. For example, there's a scene when one of the eleven meets his son and promises to take him to a ballgame that feels random and never comes back around.

-Not enough time spent on the heist itself.

-Their ultimate plan feels far too simple for a town as complex as Las Vegas (it was run by the mob, but they just leave safe doors open when there's a blackout?).

-The story also wastes too much time on the post-heist attempt to get out of Vegas with the money.

*MISCELLANEOUS*
-There's a good number of plot holes in their "perfect" plan, many of which rely on pure luck and/or convenience.

-We wonder why it's called "Ocean's 11" when the heist isn't actually Danny Ocean's idea.

-The humor hasn't exactly aged well.

"Ocean's Eleven" (2001)

*ACTING/CHARACTERS*
+Has a great cast featuring some of the biggest names in Hollywood like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Julia Roberts, etc.

-Most the actors play to type and do not go outside of their normal, charming personas beyond the fact that they are playing criminals.

+We get a real feel for each character's personality, abilities, and what their contribution is to the overall plan.

+Danny Ocean has a motivation beyond greed to pull off this particular job.

*DIRECTING/EDITING*
+The pacing is good, and it moves breezily through its runtime.

+The movie is put together well. Soderbergh presents information when it's necessary to make it more engaging and surprising for the audience.

*NARRATIVE*
+The story itself is interesting and has added personal stakes for Danny Ocean. Even if it is as trivial as fighting over an ex, it makes the audience root for him more.

+It doesn't spend too much time on scenes that feel unnecessary to the story.

+The heist itself is very complex. We believe this would be necessary to rob casinos in a security-heavy town like Las Vegas.

+The complexity makes the movie fun and adds tension because there so much could (and almost does) go wrong.

*MISCELLANEOUS*
+The cast looks like they had fun making this movie, and their fun makes the audience have fun, too.

-There are a couple of contrived moments and even a few plot holes.

+Unlike in the original, however, we have so much fun watching this version that we don't really notice these contrivances.

-It has lost a bit of its edge over the years. We find ourselves examining it closer and picking it apart more as techs have advanced.

With a more likable cast, properly fleshed out characters, a more engaging narrative, a much more fun atmosphere, and a faster-paced story that doesn't get bogged down in banal banter, we believe that Soderbergh's remake with George Clooney and company is far superior to Lewis Milestone's original Rat Pack showcase.

WINNER: "OCEAN'S ELEVEN" (2001)

Movie Review: "Show Dogs" (2018)

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Movie: "Show Dogs"

Director: Raja Gosnell
Year: 2018
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

An FBI agent and an NYPD police dog are forced to team up and go undercover at a dog show in Las Vegas to find out the identity of a panda smuggler.

"I'm not an expert in canine mental issues, I'm an FBI agent!" (Image Source)

If the phrase 'from the makers of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"' doesn't get you excited to see "Show Dogs," nothing will. We really mean that literally, nothing will. This "movie" is directed by Raja Gosnell, who has directed other "films" like "Home Alone 3," "Scooby-Doo" one and two, "The Smurfs" one and two, and the aforementioned "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." Needless to say, he has a lot of experience with talking dog "movies." This "movie" is written by Max Botkin, who was a writer on the film "What Happened to Monday," and Marc Hymen, who wrote "Osmosis Jones." It stars Will Arnett as FBI agent Frank, who is working on a stolen panda case. He is forced to team up with a New York K-9 cop named Max (Ludacris) and go undercover at a dog show competition in Las Vegas where they believe the panda thief will attempt to sell the baby panda he stole.

"I cannot polish a turd, but perhaps I can roll it in glitter." (Image Source)

When we saw the trailer for this "movie," we sat silently in our seats with our mouths wide opened. A "movie" like this could not possibly be released in the year 2018, right? Wrong. It's as if the producers thought to themselves: "what if we took the buddy cop scenario from 80's movies like "Turner and Hooch" and "K-9" and mixed it with the talking animal technology from "Cats & Dogs" and "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" from the 2000s? It will star Gob Bluth, aka the voice of Lego Batman, the prison inmate from "Orange is the New Black," and the rapper from "The Fast and the Furious" franchise. It can't possibly fail!" It does. It did. It will always fail.

"How did you get to be so alpha?" (Image Source)

If you assumed this "movie" was going to be dumb, you will not be shocked to discover that it is unbelievably stupid. Words cannot describe how painful it was to watch "Show Dogs." Many of the jokes involve standard kid's movie fodder and is ripe with toilet humor. Dogs fart constantly, there are jokes about pooping, and there are many innuendos and double entendres thrown in as well, one of which is more disturbing and unnecessary than others. There's a bit of self-aware humor that steps into meta territory as the "script" references Arnett's role as Lego Batman and the fact that Max is voiced by Ludacris. There's also a "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" reference and cameo, as well as a nod to "The Lady and the Tramp." There's a running gag about how it rules to be alpha and that there's no better way to be. We're sure Max wearing a MAGA hat will happen in the "sequel."

Let's get back to the disturbing joke for a minute. This is in reference to a running gag about how Max must learn to accept being grabbed by the private parts and go to find his "zen/happy place" so he doesn't react poorly so he can win Best in Show. Yep, fondling a dog's balls is a major plot point of this "movie." Many articles have been recently written about the sinister meaning of this content. We fully understand that it's actually part of the dog show process to do this to animals in competition, but our question is, why not just change the content of the story to make it more family-friendly and avoid any potential controversy? Let's face it, it's not as if this "movie" is striving for accuracy. THERE ARE TALKING DOGS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. It's almost as if this running joke was left in the movie to drum up online chatter to get more people to see the "film."

"I'm pretending to know what's going on right now." (Image Source)

Beyond these things, the rest of the humor in this "flick" involves sight gags about how the dogs aren't acting like canines since as they are given humanistic qualities. Just to make it clear, unlike some online summaries imply, this is not an alternate universe with anthropomorphic dogs that talk to humans. Dogs are still dogs and they only speak to other animals like they do in "Look Who's Talking Now" or "Homeward Bound," just with terribly CGI'edfaces.

"Show Dogs" is absolute trash. With that being said, this "movie" is so stupid that BigJ did wind up laughing, not at any of the jokes, more in an "Oh my god, I can't believe this got made" kind of way. This is a "movie" some kids will love when they are younger, but when they grow up, they will realize it is unconditionally horrible and will be forced to apologize to their parents for making them see it. This movie only gets points for the adorable looking dogs.

My Rating: 1.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: ~2.8/10
RT Rating: ~18%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Most Anticipated Movies of Summer 2018!

Oh, hey summer! You came out of nowhere! This month, we wanted to share a list of films we're looking forward to for the upcoming "summer" quarter, movies that will be released between June 1st, 2018 and August 31st, 2018! Please tell us what YOU'RE looking forward to in the coming months!

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1) "Adrift" (release date: June 1, 2018)
We have enjoyed Shailene Woodley and Sam Claflin in many of their past projects. This true-life story looks to be an intriguing and gripping film. Plus, we're looking forward to never having to see the trailer for this movie ever again (it has played before 16 out of 58 in-theater movies this year).

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2) "American Animals" (release date: June 1, 2018)
We have a feeling "American Animals" won't come to San Diego until a few weeks after its release, but we're looking forward to seeing this film because it's MoviePass's first venture into acquiring films for mass consumption. The cast is fantastic and the premise is super interesting.

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3) "Ocean's 8" (release date: June 8, 2018)
Does "Ocean's Eleven" need a spin-off? No, but we've been here for "Ocean's 8" ever since we saw the cast list: Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Mindy Kaling, Helena Bonham Carter, Sarah Paulson, and more. Uhhh, YES PLEASE.

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4) "Hereditary" (release date: June 8, 2018)
A24 has an impressive track record when it comes to putting out amazing movies. Though we have not seen the trailer for "Hereditary," it's hard to ignore the buzz that surrounds this film. We adore Toni Collette and are very much looking forward to seeing what she can do in this horror drama.

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5) "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" (release date: June 8, 2018)
BigJ and I both remember watching "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" as kids, so we're interested in learning more about the man behind the red jacket beyond the little we already know about him. This looks to be one of the year's best documentaries.

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6) "Incredibles 2" (release date: June 15, 2018)
Though we will fully admit that the trailers for "Incredibles 2" have given us only tepid expectations, we absolutely love the original and can't wait to see what Pixar does with these beloved characters in this sequel. We'll be there opening day but will approach it with cautious exuberance.

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7) "Tag" (release date: June 15, 2018)
We know what you're thinking: this is a movie about people who have played the same game of tag for decades, how could you be excited about it? We have our doubts, but the trailer made it look like it was right up our alley. There might be a lot more to this than just a simple schoolyard game of tag.

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8) "Sicario: Day of the Soldado" (release date: June 29, 2018)
The original "Sicario" was one of our top five favorite movies of 2015, and if this sequel is even half as good as the original, it will still be a great movie even if Denis Villeneuve is not involved behind the camera.

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9) "Ant-Man and the Wasp" (release date: July 6, 2018)
 Marvel keeps knocking it out of the park every time it steps up to the plate. Coming off the heels of "Avengers: Infinity War," we are super excited to see how the light comedic stylings of Ant-Man ties into to the dark tone set by its predecessor.

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10) "Sorry to Bother You" (release date: July 6, 2018)
"Sorry to Bother You" promises to be one of the most ambitious films of 2018. The hype behind this film is hard to ignore. With a cast featuring Tessa Thompson, Lakeith Stanfield, Armie Hammer, Terry Crews, Steven Yeun, and Danny Glover, we'll be there opening day if it comes to town.

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11) "Eighth Grade" (release date: July 13, 2018)
Another coming-of-age story from A24, who delivered the Oscar-nominated fan favorite "Lady Bird" last year. This film looks like a compelling story about a young, awkward teen growing up in the image-obsessed, social media age. It could be enlightening, and the trailer promises excellent performances.

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12) "The Equalizer 2" (release date: July 20, 2018)
The first "Equalizer" movie was a huge, unexpected treat. With both Denzel Washington and director Antoine Fuqua back for the sequel, we forsee a lot of name-taking and ass-kicking in this one.

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13) "Mission: Impossible - Fallout" (release date: July 27, 2018)
Ever since J.J. Abrams stepped in as a producer on this series, it has consistently delivered endless amounts of summer popcorn-movie fun. We have no doubt this trend will continue until Tom Cruise is no longer able to physically perform the role of Ethan Hunt. Plus, this one's got Henry Cavill and major arm-pumping!

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14) "Searching" (release date: August 3, 2018)
A late entry to our list, we saw the trailer for this film attached to "Book Club" the other day and were blown away by how gripping it looks. We've seen movies filmed via computer screens before, but John Cho looks to bring the intensity to a whole other level in this missing person mystery.

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15) "The Meg" (release date: August 10, 2018)
Full transparency, this movie looks stupid as hell, but it may be a case of "it's so stupid that it's actually fun," like in a "Sharknado" sort of way. We have to hope that's the case or else it will be insufferable.

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16) "A Prayer Before Dawn" (release date: August 10, 2018)
Another movie by A24? Awesome. It's a boxing movie? Awesome. It has a captivating premise? Awesome. And it's a movie featuring real-life prison inmates in Thailand? Whoa... that's crazy and awesome.

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17) "The Happytime Murders" (release date: August 17, 2018)
Melissa McCarthy teams up with some foul-mouthed muppets looking for a murderer. What could go wrong? Don't be fooled by the muppets: the only trailer released for this project thus far is "red-band," which means you should leave the kiddies at home for this one.

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18) "Crazy Rich Asians" (release date: August 17, 2018)
Representation matters. We haven't read the book yet, but we've heard good things about the stylish, fun looking "Crazy Rich Asians." This one promises to be an interesting romance. Read everything you need to know about the behind-the-scenes goings on about this movie here, there's a lot more than meets the eye.

Please be sure to check out Lolo Loves Films all over the internet!

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