Movie Review: "Let the Right One In" (2008)

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Movie: "Let the Right One In"
Director: Tomas Alfredson
Year: 2008
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 55 minutes

Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) is a young boy who is a loner. He has no friends and is regularly bullied at school. When an odd looking little kid named Eli (Lina Leandersson) moves in next door, the two bond very quickly, though Oskar doesn't know that Eli is actually a vampire.

"Let the Right One In" is a Swedish vampire drama directed by Tomas Alfredson. It has a screenplay written by John Ajvide Lindqvist, and it is based on his own novel. The movie revolves around a young boy named Oskar, played by Kåre Hedebrant, who is a bit of a loner and is regularly bullied at school. This bullying has caused a lot of pent up aggression, making Oskar fantasize about lashing out violently against his tormentors. One night while playing in the snow, he meets Eli, played by Lina Leandersson, who has just moved in next door with her guardian. Though Eli looks like a normal 12 year-old girl, she insists she's "not a girl," dropping hints to Oskar until she finally reveals that she is actually a vampire, and a rather androgynous one at that. Eli's guardian Håkan, played by Per Ragnar, spends his nights looking for victims for Eli. Håkan murders people and drains them of their blood to take home to Eli so she does not starve to death. He does this to protect her despite the fact she is fully capable and possibly even more capable of finding victims herself. Eli and Oskar become friends very quickly, and it seems Oskar has a romantic interest in Eli, though Eli is standoffish because she is a vampire and because she's not actually a girl.

In an odd twist, "Let the Right One In" is not only bloody and violent, but it's also a truly beautiful, touching story about two tormented, isolated souls finding each other in a world that rejects them. Eli gives Oskar the courage to fight back against his bullies and gives him a sense of acceptance he has never felt before, even among his own family. Oskar gives Eli companionship and friendship, which is something that is hard to come by for a vampire who has been 12 years old a very long time, especially considering her current companion is getting quite old. The film is visually delightful, shot against the frozen landscape of Sweden. The snow white background really makes the blood look that much more vivid as the rush of red comes bursting across the normally monochrome snow covered ground. The story is so compelling, so touching, yet so horrific at the same time. In the end, this is a beautifully told story that keeps us fully engaged and invested in the characters. This is a must see for fans of horror films that juxtapose beauty and terrifying.

My Rating: 10/10
BigJ's Rating: 10/10
IMDB's Rating: 8.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 98%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Night of the Living Dead"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "The Exorcist"

Movie Review: "I Saw the Devil" (2010)

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Movie: "I Saw the Devil" / "Ang-ma-reul bo-at-da"

Director: Jee-woon Kim
Year: 2010
Rating: NR
Running Time: 2 hours, 21 minutes

A secret service agent takes revenge on the serial killer who murdered his wife.

"I Saw the Devil" is directed by Jee-woon Kim, who has gone on to direct films like "The Last Stand" and "The Age of Shadows." It stars Byung-hun Lee as Kim Soo-hyeon, a secret service agent whose wife is murdered by serial killer Kyung-chul, played by Min-sik Choi. After learning of his wife's brutal murder, Kim sets out of a quest for revenge against her killer.

Jee-woon Kim does a brilliant, horrific job of crafting a compelling revenge thriller. Its premise might seem simple, but it is tremendously executed. It is horrific for many reasons. First, in the mind of Kim Soo-hyeon, simply killing his wife's murderer or seeing him behind bars is not good enough for him. Because of this, he sets out to capture him, beat him, and torture him, only to release him and do it all over again. As if that isn't disturbing enough, Kyung-chul tries to continue his raping and killing spree at the same time he is being hunted. At one point, he shacks up with a fellow serial killer who is also a cannibal. As Kim Soo-hyeon chases and stalks Kyung-chul, eventually, he is bound to slip up and give him the upper-hand, which will lead to a showdown of epic, terrible proportions.

"I Saw the Devil" is a bloody, ultra violent film. Beyond the graphic nature of its visuals, it manages to be an engaging drama about a man working through his grief using revenge as his method to cope. It is emotionally impactful, often very exciting, and at the same time, repellent, cringe-worthy, and difficult to watch. Byung-hun Lee puts on an amazing performance, not only offering a stellar showing in the action elements, but also in a very layered, nuanced performance. Min-sik Choi also does a fantastic job. He is no stranger to these types of movies containing extremely graphic and disturbing subject matters. We've seen him before on the other side of the revenge equation in "Old Boy," but here, he shows he can take a beating just as well as he can dish it out. Both of these men are convincing, but it's Min-sik Choi's tour-de-force performance as this psychopathic sadist that puts the film as a whole over the top in greatness.

We often say "XYZ movie is not for the masses," and we truly mean it when we say this about "I Saw the Devil." It is also not for the faint of heart, but for those who dare brave the journey into this shocking, repulsive, but enjoyable bloody mess of a drama, it is certainly a horrific treat.

My Rating: 9/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 80%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "The Exorcism of Emily Rose"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Feast"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Black Sunday"

Movie Review: "Tremors" (1990)

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Movie: "Tremors"
Director: Ron Underwood
Year: 1990
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 36 minutes

The small town of Perfection, Nevada is attacked by a group of carnivorous subterranean giant worm-like creatures.

"Tremors" is the feature film directorial debut of Ron Underwood, who would go on to direct hit films like "City Slickers" and celluloid dumpster fires like "The Adventures of Pluto Nash." This horror action comedy stars Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as Valentine and Earl, a pair of handymen working in the small town of Perfection, Nevada. They are growing a little tired of doing odd jobs for chump change in their small community and are getting ready to leave town to head to Bixby, where they can start a legitimate business with greater opportunity. Meanwhile, a graduate student named Rhonda, played by Finn Carter, notices some odd earthquake activity picking up random, frequent tremors on her seismograph. While Val and Earl drive to Bixby, they start running into obstacles that seem to stop them until they learn first hand what exactly is causing these obstacles and the unexplained tremors. It turns out, giant worm like creatures, eventually dubbed 'graboids,' are burrowing through the earth, bursting up from under the ground to catch their prey. The film never really explains where these hellish ground-beasts come from because as the movie states "It doesn't matter where they come from!"

The first thing we noticed about "Tremors" is the well made, cool looking monsters, of course. The design of the graboids is simply awesome. They are practically built creatures that use special effects to make them come alive, and boy do they come alive. They have wide three-piece jaws that open large enough to swallow a whole person, and a trio of tongues that are like eels slithering out of their mouths. These things are both grotesque and imposing. It would appear that the tongue movement is achieved through puppetry and maybe even with some stop-motion animation, and we really appreciate the time and effort it clearly took to make these beasts come to life. Director Ron Underwood is able to create palpable and exciting tension as these creatures sense vibrations in the ground, forcing the characters to stand still and be quiet because even the slightest noise or movement will give away their location. The geography of their isolated town also adds to the peril since everyone is trapped in the middle of the desert surrounded by mountains with no contact to outside civilization.

"Tremors" is a whole lot of fun. It has its fair share of splatter-fest gore and a lot of laughs to go along with it. Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward make up a really dynamic team and have excellent, quippy banter. It might be cheesy at points, but who cares? At least the special effects are awesome!

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 85%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Tourist Trap"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Hatchet for the Honeymoon"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Martin"

Movie Review: "Suspiria" (1977)

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Movie: "Suspiria"
Director: Dario Argento
Year: 1977
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

An American ballerina named Suzy (Jessica Harper) is invited to join an elite dance school in Germany. Upon arriving, things don't seem right from the get go, but when those associated with the academy start getting murdered, Suzy becomes determined to unravel the mystery of it all.

Directed by acclaimed Italian director Dario Argento, "Suspiria" is a horror mystery written by Argento along with Daria Nicolodi. It is based on the novel "Suspiria de Profundi" by Thomas de Quincey. It revolves around a prestigious German ballet school that has a rather sordid history. It stars Jessica Harper as Suzy Bannion, an American ballerina invited to study at the school. The first night she arrives, she notices strange things right off the bat, like a student leaving the school in the middle of the night in a torrential downpour rainstorm. The next morning, she discovers that very student has been murdered. Strange occurrences continue to happen throughout her stay at the academy as she tries to unravel the mystery of what is going on.

Dario Argento brings his unique visual style to this intriguing supernatural murder mystery. Argento is a master class horror director, and he has a great use of vivid and bright colors that sets an almost surreal atmosphere. The band Goblins comprises the soundtrack, which makes an even more unsettling tone throughout the movie (though the music is very loud and very jagged). There are a couple of super creepy and disturbing death scenes that are shown in extremely graphic detail, which will delight not just horror fans, but 70's horror fans as well. The blood in these murder scenes is really bright red, giving these gruesome acts an artistic look in their horror. We wouldn't say the acting is anything spectacular here, though it would be hard to tell anyways since it appears as if all of the dialogue has been dubbed in post production, which is often the case with Argento pictures.

"Suspiria" is a methodically paced, eerie, often gruesome supernatural horror mystery. The tension is sustained at a high level because of its pacing, soundtrack, and relentless string of gore and blood. This is definitely one of the best Dario Argento's films and worth seeking out for fans who don't mind old school Italian horrors.

My Rating: 8/10
BigJ's Rating: 8/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 93%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "Hostel"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Saw II"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "A Nightmare on Elm Street"

Movie Review: "Halloween H20" (1998)

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Movie: "Halloween H20: 20 Years Later"
Director: Steve Miner
Year: 1998
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 26 minutes

Michael Myers locates his sister Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) in California and tries to finish the job he failed to do 20 years ago. 

"Halloween H20" is directed by Steve Miner, who has directed many horror films including "Friday the 13th Part 2," "House," and "Warlock." He takes over the "Halloween" franchise 20 years after the release of the 1978 original. This installment seems to ignore the events of "Halloween 3" (which doesn't include Michael Myers anyway) through "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers." After a quick murder stop in Haddonfield, Myers is able to locate the new home of his sister Laurie, once again played by Jamie Lee Curtis. She is now the dean of a Northern California private school and has a 17 year old son of her own named John, played by late 90's heart throb Josh Hartnett. Due to her past, she is understandably a very protective mother. She is just now starting to gain the courage to give her son some slack and freedom. Of course, Myers heads her way to murder her and her son, and as expected, it all happens on Halloween.

This is yet another standard and expected Michael Myers slasher affair. He kills anyone who gets in his way, some in more fun, creative ways, and others in a more basic stabby-rip-stab-stab ways. The main focus of the film is Laurie's trouble getting past the incidents from 20 years ago and how it has affected her life and relationships with her son, her ex-husband, and even her current boyfriend. The best part of the movie comes towards the end when Laurie is forced to battle it out with her bro Michael mano-a-mano. Michael Myers has always been an imposing figure, and this long-oft sequel is really just more of the same. It is, however, a stark improvement over where the franchise was headed by the time "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers" came along. Those last few installments were really weak, so virtually *anything* would be better than those.

What makes "Halloween H20" work better than its few predecessors is not the fact that it's 20 years later, not the throbbing pectorals of Josh Hartnett, not the brief stint by Michelle Williams as Hartnett's girlfriend, or the relationships Laurie has with her new boyfriend, but Jamie Lee Curtis herself and her portrayal of this iconic character. She is fantastic actress returning to her roots in a by-the-book slasher and elevates it beyond what it otherwise would be because of her convincing portrayal and her clear passion for the part. The killing is fun, too, but it's not so amazing or new that we can honestly say we loved this film.

My Rating: 5.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 51%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Ju-On: The Grudge"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "The Cabin in the Woods"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Twixt"

Movie Review: "V/H/S" (2012)

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Movie: "V/H/S"
Director: Various
Year: 2012
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 56 minutes

A group of thieves hired to steal a VHS tape from someone's home end up watching a stack of them, hoping to find the right one. Each tape depicts a horrific event taking place in a variety of different manners and methods. 

"V/H/S" is an anthology horror movie comprised of six different short films made by six different directors. The first segment is called "Tape 56," which is directed by Adam Wingard and is written by Simon Barrett, best known for their amazing film "The Guest" and their sub-par horror "Blair Witch." This portion is the one that connects the rest of the installments, and as each tape ends, the group depicted in "Tape 56" are shown watching them in the present. This group is comprised of a bunch of thieves who stupidly and inexplicably record all of their crimes. They have been hired to steal a specific VHS tape from a specific house. Once inside, they find a huge stash of tapes, and each member of the crew sits down to watch a different one. Here's what they watch.

First up, someone watches "Amateur Night," written and directed by David Bruckner. A group of guys go out to a club with a pair of hidden camera glasses in the hopes of picking up women in order to film them having sex. Drinking ensues, and they don't want the night to end, so the guys invite a couple of gals back to their hotel room. Unfortunately for the bros, one of the girls they pick up isn't what she seems. This segment has its fair share of gore and nudity, and the make up work is decent as well. It's one of the better short films, but it's still not all that great.

From there, we move onto "Second Honeymoon," directed by Ti West. This is a small scale slow-burning horror featuring a couple on a road trip. As they argue more and more as the road trip progresses, the entire thing builds to an unexpected conclusion, though the majority of this short simply features the aforementioned bickering. Overall, this one is kind of dull until the very end.

After a quick jump back to "Tape 56," which happens between each segment, we move on to "Tuesday The 17th," written and directed by Glenn McQuaid. This short has a stereotypical scenario where a group of teens goes out camping in the woods, complete with a lot of shaky camera work, some shots of the ground, and a little bit of gore accompanied by a few cool deaths. That's about it, there's really nothing else to mention for this one.

Up next is probably one of the weirder segments, one of our favorites, "The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger," directed by Joe Swanberg. This short takes place entirely via an internet video chat between a woman and her boyfriend, who is away at school. The woman seems overly paranoid and a little clingy, and the boyfriend seems distracted and never really engrossed in their conversations. Suddenly, some weird things start to happen around the woman's house. As the days pass, things get progressively worse, and all is ultimately revealed in a very cool way. This short actually has genuine tension and a shocking ending that we really enjoyed. Seek this one out if you can.

Next up is "10/31/98," directed by Radio Silence. As you can tell by the title, it takes place on Halloween in 1998. This segment follows a group of friends on their way to a Halloween party. They arrive at party and discover more than they bargained for upstairs in the attic. This one has many, many shots of running, a lot of screaming, and some special effects that make objects float about in the air. Overall, we were not that impressed by this short and have seen exactly what happens here in other feature length films for decades.

Finally, "V/H/S" ends where it began with the idiots of "Tape 56" in a very underwhelming finale. This anthology is overall mediocre at best. The concept for a found footage anthology is great, but we really needed more than the expected and tired horror cliches to make this entire film interesting. Despite one or two decent shorts, the rest were not up to snuff, and we found ourselves mostly bored with this film as a whole.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 55%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "The Shining"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Dead Silence"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Saw"

Movie Review: "Re-Animator" (1985)

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Movie: "Re-Animator"
Director: Stuart Gordon
Year: 1985
Rating: UR
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

A medical student named Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs) has developed a serum he claims will bring the dead back to life, though it may still need some tinkering.

Directed by Stuart Gordon, "Re-Animator" is a dark comedy splatter-house horror film, loosely based on the H.P. Lovecraft story "Herbert West, Re-Animator." It stars Bruce Abbott as Dan Cain, a simple med student working to become a doctor. He is secretly dating the dean's daughter Megan, played by Barbara Crampton, whom he hopes to marry once he finishes med school. His life goes a little crazy when a transfer student from Switzerland named Herbert West, played by Jeffrey Combs, moves into his spare bedroom. Herbert is a bit eccentric and has developed a serum that can bring the dead back to life, though those resurrected are a bit psychotic when they return from the grave.

"Re-Animator" is a lot of fun to watch. It is a low budget dark comedy that has a lot blood and guts and gore, which is right up our alley. We found ourselves laughing quite a bit throughout the film, but we simultaneously found ourselves grossed out by some of its graphic, unsettling but cool visuals. Everything within the context of this film is over the top. It doesn't have a whole lot of subtlety or nuance, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. The acting isn't all that great, nor is the script for that matter, but what's important about this flick is its ability to creep and gross the audience out, which it does amazingly. The main villain isn't really Herbert West, but Herbert and Dan's lecherous professor Dr. Hill, played by David Gale, who has an unrequited love for Megan. This plot point plays a central theme, but again, it's more about the gross-out types of horror here. The makeup work is pretty good for such a low budget flick, though it's not perfect and is sometimes extremely cheesy.

Despite all its problems, "Re-Animator" is a good time because it's very aware of its shortcomings and fully embraces them. We thrive on movies like this. They only had so much to work with and made the most of it by going as over the top as possible.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Pet Sematary"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Blood Feast"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight"

Movie Review: "Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992)

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Movie: "Bram Stoker's Dracula"
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
Year: 1992
Rating: R
Running Time: 2 hours, 8 minutes

A law clerk named Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves) is sent to the home of Count Vlad Dracula (Gary Oldman) in the Carpathian mountains to close a real estate transaction. When Vlad sees a picture of Jonathan's fiancée Mina (Winona Ryder), he notices she bears a striking resemblance to his deceased wife Elisabeta. Vlad then decides to trap Jonathan in his castle while he travels to England in an attempt to seduce Mina and make her his own.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula" is directed by Francis Ford Coppola, who is best known for directing "The Godfather" trilogy and "Apocalypse Now." It is written by James V. Hart and is adapted from Bram Stoker's novel "Dracula." It stars Gary Oldman as the titular Dracula, who fits this part perfectly as he has an innate ability to move between crazy and cool with great ease. It also stars Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker, which has to be Coppola's worst casting decision since putting his own daughter Sophia in "The Godfather Part III." Reeves' accent and delivery are laughably bad. There are roles that work for an actor like him (stoner, surfer, hired gun, goofball, baseball coach), but a British law clerk from Victorian England? This role definitely isn't one of them. Joining them are Winona Ryder as Mina and Elisabeta, the love interests of both Jonathan and Vlad, Anthony Hopkins, who plays Van Helsing (and does so with great wit and charm), Sadie Frost as Mina's flirtatious friend Lucy, who is Dracula's main source of food while in London, as well as Cary Elwes, Richard E. Grant, Billy Campbell, and Tom Waits.

"Dracula" is a classic Gothic romance that has been brought to life decently in this offering. Being a Gothic romance, it has a strong emphasis on drama and relationships. This doesn't mean it's completely devoid of horror. There are many scenes containing genuine scares and horrifying amounts of blood and gore, though its real focus is on the dramatic aspects of the story. Oldman is the true standout in this picture. He is charismatic in his intoxicating appeal, and is dreadfully scary with his cloak and fangs. Ryder is charming as well, but in a very different, demure way. Reeves feels wholly out of place, and unintentionally garners laughs with his aforementioned bad accent and goofy look. Grant, Elwes, and Hopkins also return to the screen occasionally, but in much smaller capacities. From a technical standpoint, there is some really great makeup work in this film, and its costume designs, art direction, and visual effects are all top notch. The effects are almost entirely practical as the early 90's really didn't have the technology to make convincing CGI, which we appreciate and look back upon with great affection. This movie took home the much deserved Oscar for both makeup and costumes.

Unfortunately, "Bram Stoker's Dracula" is not without its flaws. The entire movie feels crowded, like there are too many characters and too many things going on at once. Though it is beautiful looking, it's overly opulent and thus, is overly dramatic at times. Oldman might be fantastic here, but he's no Bela Lugosi. Ultimately, this might be a somewhat flawed film because of some odd casting choices and a penchant for the lavish, stuffed story, but it's still a solid offering and is mostly enjoyable if you can get past its problems. There are so many versions of Dracula out there, this choice settles nicely somewhere in the middle.

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Frankenstein"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "White Zombie"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "MST3K - Manos: Hands of Fate"

Movie Review: "The Collector" (2009)

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Movie: "The Collector"
Director: Marcus Dunstan
Year: 2009
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

A handyman by day/thief by night breaks into the home of a wealthy customer in the hopes of paying off his wife's loan shark debt. Once inside, he finds out he is not alone as a psychopath has rigged the house with deadly booby-traps and has taken the family for his collection.

I guess we know what Kevin McCallister does now that he's all grown up.

"The Collector" is directed by Marcus Dustan. It is a disturbing slasher home invasion flick that is sort of like if "Home Alone" met "Hostel" and had a twisted, messed up baby. It stars Josh Stewart as Arkin, a handyman and burglar who breaks into the home of a wealthy customer he believes is on vacation. He hopes to steal a large jewel they have in their safe and use it to pay of his wife's loan shark debt. He breaks into the house and all seems good at first, but after a short time, he hears a noise and quickly realizes he isn't alone. Not only is he not alone, but he soon discovers the house is loaded with deadly booby-traps, a different one in every single room of the mansion he's robbing.

We honestly think the filmmaker watched "Home Alone" and wanted to take it to the nth degree. The ultimate result is "The Collector" has been given the full blown Eli Roth treatment. Marcus Dustan has managed to make an outrageously gruesome movie loaded with blood, guts, and gore. When we say guts, we mean it. There's literally a scene where one character is completely disemboweled and has their intestines pulled out onto the floor, you know, fun stuff like that. The character of the Collector himself is absolutely terrifying in its simplicity, super creepy with his twisted leather mask and horrible, sometimes glowing eyes. As Arkin tries to get out of the house, he faces obstacle after obstacle in this mansion rigged with all sorts of different things that can kill him in an instant. Eventually, we do get to see some of these booby-traps put to full use, and these scenes are horrific and really violent.

If you wanted to pick "The Collector" apart and point out all of the plot holes and unanswered questions outside of its sheer mayhem, it wouldn't be hard to do, but for what it's worth and for what it is, this movie is very successful as a hyper-slasher. It aims to gross out the audience with its overabundance of blood and gore and guts and gross, and that it certainly does this effectively. For fans of splatter-house slasher flicks, this is one worth checking out.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 30%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "The Devil's Rejects"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "The Monster Squad"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Jack Brooks Monster Slayer"

Movie Review: "A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night" (2014)

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Movie: "A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night"
Director: Ana Lily Amirpour
Year: 2014
Rating: UR
Running Time: 1 hour, 41 minutes

Arash (Arash Mirandi) is a young man trying to get by in Bad City while taking care of his junkie father. His life is changed when he falls for a young woman (Sheila Vand) who is really a vampire, who spends her nights walking the streets looking for her next victim. 

"A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night" is written and directed by Ana Lily Amirpour. This is her first feature length film. It stars Sheila Vand as the titular unnamed girl, a vampire who roams the streets of Bad City looking for her next victim. She doesn't seem to strike at random and tends to target exclusively bad people. Arash is a hard working gardener who has a junkie father. Arash does his best to make ends meet and keep his father out of trouble. His dad owes some money to a drug dealer and pimp named Saeed, played by Dominic Rains. Saeed takes Arash's prized classic car as collateral until he can get the money his dad owes. Lucky for Arash, Saeed winds up being the target of the girl, and in one bite, she changes Arash's life forever.

This film boasts an interesting take on the vampire mythology. It is very much a high art, beautifully executed horror film, though the deeds being perpetrated are very ugly. There is a bit of a romance as well between the girl and Arash, though there is always the underlying fear she could make him her next victim. The film is meant to take place in Iran, though oddly enough, it is actually shot in Taft, CA, which is a surprisingly convincing substitute for an Iranian ghetto. Side note: BigJ's dad actually went to Taft high school, so we know first hand. The visuals here are impeccably done and strikingly gorgeous, especially that of a haunting vampire girl in her striped shirt/chador combo.

"A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night" is an alluring film with an engaging story that is both romantic and eerie. It's unique in the way it executes its simple premise. We found ourselves enthralled by the characters and their motivations, as well as the look and aesthetic of the film, which is all shot in black and white. This is a wholly unique foreign flick you must see if you're into hidden horror gems.

My Rating: 8.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 8.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 95%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Zombie Lake"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Maniac"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Poltergeist"

Movie Review: "Phantasm" (1979)

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Movie: "Phantasm"
Director: Don Coscarelli
Year: 1979
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 28 minutes

After the death of his parents and a family friend, a young boy begins to be haunted by a strange tall man and his small hooded minions.

"Phantasm" is written, directed and produced by Don Coscarelli. This film revolves around a young boy named Mike, played by A. Michael Baldwin, who has dealt with a lot of loss in his young life. Both of his parents have passed away. Now, he lives with his older brother Jody, played by Bill Thornbury, who just lost a close friend and is thinking of leaving Mike with some relatives and heading out on his own. Mike then becomes haunted by the mysterious Tall Man, played by Angus Scrimm, who has a brood of hooded little monsters and floating silver balls that can bore deep holes in their victims' heads. Scrimm has a great presence as The Tall Man and is very unsettling and creepy to see on screen, even though he is just an older guy in a suit. Plus, the funeral home setting helps add to the scare factor.

In some ways, this seems like a simple horror mystery with a couple of sci-fi elements thrown in to add some zest. In other ways, it feels like a surreal and extreme allegory for loss and abandonment. Either way, "Phantasm" does not have a straight-forward narrative and the plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But, for some reason, that doesn't stop this film from being wholly enjoyable and even pretty scary at times. We get drawn in by the spectacle of it, as well as its intriguing visual style. Oh, and did we mention the silver balls that drill holes into the heads of their victims!? Yeah, those are so freaking awesome. We are never quite sure if what we are seeing is a dream or reality, but it sure is fun to watch. The performances aren't exceptional, but we don't really watch horror movies for Oscar winning performances. Check this one out if you haven't already seen it, it has just been remastered by none other than J.J. Abrams.

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 70%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Demons"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "A Bay of Blood"

Movie Review: "Holidays" (2016)

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Movie: "Holidays"
Director: Various
Year: 2016
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 45 minutes

An anthology of short horror films, each focusing on a specific holiday throughout the year. 

Halloween is usually the one specific holiday associated with the horror genre. "Holidays," however, brings this horror to every holiday of the year through a series of short films, each written and directed by different people.

It starts with Valentine's Day, written and directed by Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer. It revolves around a bullied girl's obsessive love for her swim coach. We enjoyed this segment as the bullied girl takes her coach's concern for her being bullied as a sign of affection. The tormenting builds to a head where revenge and a sign of love all happen in one grotesque climax.

From there, we move to the Saint Patrick's Day segment, written and directed by Gary Shore. It combines a teacher's dream of being a mother with some Celtic witchcraft and the legend of Saint Patrick into a weird, slow burning horror. There is some creepy tension throughout this short that culminates in a bizarre finale. This short won't be for everyone, but we sort of enjoyed its interesting take on the holiday.

Next up is Easter, written and directed by Nicolas McCarthy. This story tries to reconcile a little girl's question regarding what rabbits and eggs have to do with the resurrection of Christ. Rather than the simple explanation of Pagan vs.Christian tradition, we get a weirdly disturbing amalgam of the Christ Bunny, which we had hope for but weren't really sure we were going to ever see appear on screen. The visually unsettling nature of this short made it one of our favorites.

We then move to the Mother's Day short, written and directed by Sarah Adina Smith. This film revolves around a young woman who gets pregnant every time she has sex, regardless of whether or not she and her partner use a condom or other birth control. Because of this, she has had quite a few abortions. This woman is then lured to a retreat for women with fertility issues, who then kidnap her as their surrogate. We weren't big fans of this segment. It's pretty expected and not very entertaining or horrific.

We go from Mother's Day right to Father's Day in a segment written and directed by Anthony Scott Burns. A woman finds a recording from her estranged father explaining why he disappeared. This short is a bit of a mystery and tries to play up the slow burning psychological aspect, but it doesn't have much of a payoff. This short had a lot of promise, but is honestly kind of dull.

Next, we jump all the way down to Halloween, the holiday most associated with horror. This segment is written and directed by Kevin Smith and revolves around a group of phone sex workers who take revenge on their sexually abusive boss. This is a fun segment that has a payoff fitting of his crime. Kevin Smith seems to be getting more messed up as his career progresses, and this short film is no different.

From there, we move onto Christmas in a short written and directed by Scott Stewart. It stars Seth Green as a father who wants to get his son a great gift and does the unthinkable to get it. He is then haunted by his actions, but this short has a twist or two before it finishes. Overall, this segment was just okay and it could have been way more powerful than it was.

The final short is all about New Years Eve, which is written by Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer and is directed by Adam Egypt Mortimer. This segment tells the story of a serial killer who uses dating websites to find his victims. His latest date is almost a perfect match on the website. Maybe this killer will find love, maybe he will find more victims, or maybe he will meet a woman that is more than he can handle. This segment is entertaining in a twisted sort of way, and anyone who has seen it knows they're pretty messed up for enjoying it.

In the end, when you have an anthology of shorts, the entire series can be greatly marred by its weakest links, and that's what unfortunately happens in "Holidays." There are some well done segments, but the bad ones are a real struggle to get through. Try and seek the good ones out individually if you can.

My Rating: 5.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 52%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "I Drink Your Blood"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Final Destination"

Movie Review: "The Hills Have Eyes" (1977)

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Movie: "The Hills Have Eyes"
Director: Wes Craven
Year: 1977
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 29 minutes

A family en route to California takes a detour down a desert highway to check out an old silver mine one of them inherited. After taking a wrong turn, the car breaks down in the middle of the desert. They quickly realize they are not alone as a family of wild cannibals lives in the nearby hills and are looking to get a bite to eat.

Written and directed by Wes Craven, "The Hills Have Eyes" tells the story of a showdown between two families. One family are simply a group of travelers driving to California, and the other a family of crazy cannibals living in the desert hills near a military bombing test site. Like many horror movies, trouble starts when this family decides to leave the main highway and take a secluded desert road looking for an inherited family property, only to have their car break down. In the spirit of films like "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," a nearby family of cannibals attacks its unsuspecting victims.

This is a raw 1970's grindhouse-style horror film. It looks rough and has a very simple concept. It puts the family of victims in an isolated, unfamiliar location where they are forced to fight for their survival. It looks to be done on a micro-budget and is really stripped bare of any amenities other movies have like good lighting or proper sound editing. The film produces some good tension and moments of excitement as the cannibals break into the family's trailer to assault the people who have been left alone as they engage in a close-quarters battle for their lives. There are some grotesque visuals that will unsettle the audience. The casting of the cannibal family is really spot on, especially Michael Berryman, who has a very unique look as Pluto and has become a horror villain legend based on his unique appearance. We wouldn't go as far as saying the performances are anything spectacular, but they are solid enough for such a low budget grindhouse horror.

"The Hills Have Eyes" has enough happening in a very short amount of time to keep horror fans engaged and rooting for this family's survival as we hope they are eventually able to get the upper hand on their cannibalistic assailants. If you like pristine, polished horrors, you can check out the remake of this flick, though we almost always prefer watching gritty types of horror film like this one.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 64%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "The Brood"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Fido"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Evil Dead 2"

Movie Review: "Cujo" (1983)

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Movie: "Cujo"
Director: Lewis Teague
Year: 1983
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

A mother and son must fight for their lives when they get trapped in their broken down pinto by a rabid Saint Bernard.

"Cujo" is directed by Lewis Teague and is based on the novel by prolific horror writer Stephen King. It stars Dee Wallace as Donna Trenton, who is just an average housewife. She is married to Vic, played by Daniel Hugh Kelley, who works in marketing. They have a son named Tad, played by Danny Pintauro, who has been having a phobia of the dark and monsters lately, though his parents assure him monsters aren't real. Donna has been having an affair with a family friend named Steve Kemp, played by Christopher Stone. This subplot doesn't play a huge factor in the film other than a bit of character building and to add conflict between Dana and Vic. This gives Vic a reason to leave on his business trip angry and explains why he forgot to take the family's trusty Pinto vehicle into the shop. Now, Donna is forced to do it herself and takes Tad along for a ride. Upon arriving at the mechanic's home, they are greeted by the now-deceased mechanic's rabid Saint Bernard, Cujo. The makeup department does an amazing job making this once sweet looking fluffy, giant Saint Bernard look absolutely horrific as we see his fur covered in blood and dirt with a bit of a snotty looking secretion oozing from his eyes. Cujo traps Donna and Tad inside their broken down car, turning their simple errand into a fight for their lives and a battle of wills between Donna and this raging 200+ pound dog.

There is a lot of tension derived from the woman-versus-dog plot in this simple yet effective horror story. It has many moments of simultaneous excitement and horror as Cujo stands guard, waiting to attack the second Donna sets foot outside the car. With the sun blazing down on them from above and no water trapped inside what is essentially a sweat box, Cujo is not the only danger as dehydration and heat exhaustion become an ever-growing threat. Any time she thinks she has an opening, Donna goes for it, but is usually met by the gnashing teeth of this now vicious killing machine. They have no way to call for help (1980's and no cell phones for the win) and are left to wait it out in hopes someone will arrive to save them. This is why BigJ and I own a mini schnauzer because if our dog ever went crazy and turned on us, our odds of survival are much better against a 25 lb. mini schnauzer than they would be against a 200 lb. Saint Bernard. The fairly realistic scenario of man vs. beast makes "Cujo" extremely compelling. The closer a horror film can get to a plausible situation, the more frightening it can become, and it doesn't get much more realistic than a dog going crazy and trying to attack humans. The only real drawback of this movie is it does take a while to get going as it builds characters early on. Some may find the basic family drama tiresome and want to get on with the rabid Cujo trying to kill humans, but the entire thing is short enough that it isn't really a huge deal to us. More importantly, if you want a more realistic type of tense horror thriller, "Cujo" is a safe bet.

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "Aliens"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Frailty"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Return of the Living Dead"

Movie Review: "Candyman" (1992)

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Movie: "Candyman"
Director: Bernard Rose
Year: 1992
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

A pair of grad students writing their thesis on urban mythology start to look into the legend of Candyman (Tony Todd). He is said to be a hook-handed spectre who haunts the people of Cabrini-Green. He can be summoned by saying his name five times in a mirror. Being a skeptic, one of the students named Helen (Virginia Madsen) says his name five times, inadvertently summoning the murderous demon. 

"Candyman" is written and directed by Bernard Rose and is based on the Clive Barker short story "The Forbidden." It stars Virginia Madsen as Helen, a grad student working on a thesis about urban mythology with her partner Bernie, played by Kasi Lemmons. The story that intrigues Helen the most is the story of Candyman, played by Tony Todd, a spirit who torments the people of Cabrini-Green. It is said if you say his name five times in a mirror, he will appear and gut you with his hook. Don't believe in such things? Neither did Helen. To prove that Candyman was only a legend, she says his name five times into a mirror. Care to give it a try? What, he didn't appear? He didn't appear right away for Helen, either. It isn't until a short time later when bizarre things start to happen that Candyman shows his face. Helen's life begins to unravel around her as those closest to her start dying on Candyman's hook. Could she be next? Or will Candyman stop at nothing to kill everyone she knows?

This is a very effective supernatural horror film. Virginia Madsen is excellent as the ambitious Helen, who is trying her best to make her thesis extra special, which may even get it published. Madsen does an excellent job in portraying the eagerness and headstrong yet vulnerable nature of her character. Tony Todd's Candyman is a brilliant, iconic character and Todd fits the role perfectly. He has a very ominous presence being a tall man dressed in upper class clothing from the 1800's, including a fur-lined trench coat, shiny shoes, and a bloody stump with a hook shoved into it where a hand use to be. Then, of course, there are the bees pouring out of his mouth, which adds a whole extra level of horror to the Candyman package. The entire mythos surrounding Candyman is also very intriguing, as is the history of the housing project he is said to haunt. The Cabrini-Green housing projects in Chicago have an extremely sordid past in their own right without the help of a murderous spirit. There is a lot of graphic violent imagery in "Candyman" as this being tears his victims apart with his hook from crotch to neck. The visuals here are both disturbing and super cool to see. There is also a strong psychological aspect to movie as it starts to imply that maybe Helen is actually crazy as she starts to wake up in weird places and gets blamed for the murders of her friends.

This aspect, combined with all of the aforementioned aspects, makes "Candyman" an underappreciated, terrifying horror film that deserves more recognition than it gets. It is ultra-violent, loaded with gruesome imagery, and has excellent acting and a creepy plot. Horror fans must see this slasher!

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 69%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Chillerama"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Burnt Offerings"

Movie Review: "The Harvest" (2013)

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Movie: "The Harvest"
Director: John McNaughton
Year: 2013
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

Andy Young (Charlie Tahan) is very sick and is bound to a wheelchair most of the time. He is home-schooled and has no friends, only ever spending time with his parents Dr. Katherine Young (Samantha Morton) and Richard Young (Michael Shannon). When a girl named Maryann (Natasha Calis), who recently lost her parents, moves to a nearby home to live with her grandparents, she attempts to befriend Andy, but Dr. Young isn't too pleased about this and doesn't want Maryann around her son. Maryann starts to think everything is not as it seems with Andy's parents and tries to figure out why his mom won't ever let him play.

"The Harvest" is directed by John McNaughton, who is known previously for his true life horror film "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer." It is written by first time screenwriter Stephan Lancellotti. It stars Samantha Morton as Dr. Katherine Young, Michael Shannon as her husband Richard, Charlie Tahan as their chronically ill son Andy, and Natasha Calis as Maryann, the new girl next door who just wants to be Andy's friend. Dr. Young seems like a very controlling and overprotective mother, so she doesn't like Maryann coming around the house uninvited. Neither Maryann nor Andy really understand why she's so mean about Andy having friends, so Maryann and Andy defy Dr. Young's wishes as they start to secretly see each other. Maryann even goes so far as to bring Andy outside to play catch, something that hasn't happened in a very long time. Meanwhile, Andy's mother starts to become increasingly unstable, and the angrier she gets, the more she abuses her son. When she discovers Andy has been lying to her, she flips out completely, tearing his room apart, breaking his TV, taking away his toys, etc. When Maryann discovers the truth about Andy's mom, she tries to tell her grandparents, but unfortunately, they will not listen and she is forced to take drastic measures to ensure her friend is out of harm's way.

This dramatic horror/thriller takes a while to get going, and are first, we were a little nervous "The Harvest" was going to be a boring slog. It has a very slow build-up to its more frightening elements. The beginning feels a lot like an inspirational drama or a film about an unlikely friendship. Maryann just lost her parents, Andy is sick and confined to a wheelchair, neither of them had a friend until they found each other, all the while, his weird, controlling doctor mom and semi-absent father are there lurking in the shadows, not allowing Andy to have a life outside of their control. This is what makes it a psychological horror/thriller in that it doesn't use gore or violence to produce its frights. The scares come from the odd behavior of Andy's parents. The tension slowly mounts as it all moves along ever so slowly and then BAM, it reaches its ultimate height at the film's climax. Most the unnerving elements come from Samantha Morton and her seemingly irrational behavior as Dr. Young. What first seems like overprotecting moves quickly into controlling territory, then abusive territory, and finally, batshit crazy territory. Her husband Richard is the far more subdued of the two. Though complicit in Dr. Young's actions, Richard seems to be a far less willing participant, and Michael Shannon displays this more conflicted role with all of the emotions and behaviors that come along with it extremely convincingly. Shannon has become a favorite of ours over the years, and there's really nothing he can't do.

What starts off slow ends with a bang, and even though we knew what was up after a short time, "The Harvest" may surprise you if you let it. Some of the technical aspects of the film are a little rudimentary, especially the fade edits which just don't flow all that well or even all that naturally, though this is a minor complaint and only most noticeable during the slower early portion of the film. As long as you can stick out the mundane beginning, the twists and turns start to get revealed and the payoff is well worth it.

My Rating: 6.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 63%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "Hellraiser"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Rosemary's Baby"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Pieces"

Movie Review: "Children of the Corn" (1984)

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Movie: "Children of the Corn"
Director: Fritz Kiersch
Year: 1984
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

In the small town of Gatlin under the orders of religious zealot Isaac (John Franklin), the children of the town are convinced to murder all of the adults. A short time later, a couple on a cross-country drive have an accident and head to Gatlin looking for help or a telephone. They quickly realize something is not quite right about this town, and unbeknownst to them, they may become the next victims of these murdering children.

"Children of the Corn" is the feature film debut of director Fritz Kiersch, who would later go on to direct such wildly successful hits as "Tuff Turf" and "Gor." The screenplay is written by George Goldsmith and is based on a short story by horror writing master Stephen King. The film revolves around a small Nebraska town called Gatlin, where a boy named Isaac, played by John Franklin, leads a religious cult of children to murder their parents and all of the other adults of the town. A couple named Burt and Vicky, played by Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton, are driving through Nebraska on their way to Seattle where Burt has a job as a physician waiting for him. While driving down this remote stretch of road, a child trying to escape Gatlin runs out into the road and is struck by their car. Burt jumps out to examine the boy and notices he had his throat slit prior to being hit. The two gather up the boy's body and look for help or a phone. Unfortunately, their search lands them in Gatlin where they have to deal with Isaac and his brutal red-haired enforcer Malachai, played by Courtney Gains.

Horror movies like to turn things on their head. They enjoy taking what is typically perceived as innocent and turning it into something sinister. In "Children of the Corn," the children of Gatlin have been turned into murdering little psychopaths. There is little reasoning with this cult of children as they believe they are doing the will of a higher power as spoken through Isaac. Another great source of horror is the religious cult, and Isaac and his killer kids also check that box as well. Religious murder tots...genius! There is a little bit of gore here and there, as well as some brief moments of tension, but overall, this movie is pretty damn cheesy. It's very, very dated and hasn't exactly held up very well over the past 30+ years. Even though it is somewhat fun, it isn't all that engaging and the story itself is a little ridiculous. The narrative isn't as cohesive as it should be, but still, look at all of these freaky religious kids killing adults! Without this insane premise, "Children of the Corn" would have nothing. We can't even say the performances are all that great because they are also pretty bad, but still, if you can look past its dated exterior, you may find enjoyment in this movie.

My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 38%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "The ABCs of Death"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "The Mist"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "The Convent"

Movie Review: "They Live" (1988)

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Movie: "They Live"
Director: John Carpenter
Year: 1988
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

A homeless roamer comes to Los Angeles looking for work. After the homeless camp he is staying at is raided by police, he stumbles upon a pair of sunglasses that open his eyes and free his mind to the truth of what is really going on in the world.

"They Live" is a sci-fi action thriller written and directed by famed director John Carpenter. It is based on the short story "Eight O'Clock in the Morning" by Ray Nelson. This lower budget B-movie stars professional wrestler 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper as Nada, a homeless drifter recently laid off from his job in Colorado who has come to Los Angeles looking for work. Joining him is the ever fabulous Keith David, who plays Frank, a man in a similar situation who had to leave his wife and kids back in Detroit to come out west to look for good, honest blue collar work. Nada seems to be the more optimistic of the two and thinks things will work out just fine, whereas Frank sees the world as a place where the odds are stacked in favor of the privileged and wealthy. It isn't until Nada finds a pair of sunglasses that his eyes open to the truth: that we are actually being controlled by capitalist aliens who use subliminal messaging to keep us in a hypnotic state, blind to their existence and are exploiting humans for their financial gain. These aliens move from planet to planet plundering them of their natural resources, not through violence, but through mindless assimilation of the masses. Now, Nada, Frank, and the rest of the alien resistance must try to open up the eyes of the world before the alien capitalist completely take over earth.

In many ways, "They Live" is a cheesy B-style sci-fi movie about an alien invasion and nothing more. In many other ways, however, it's a satirical indictment of Reganomics and the 80's yuppy culture. Oddly enough, the issues explored in this film are just as relevant today, possibly even more so than they were back then. With an ever increasing wage gap and an increasing lack of high paying blue collar jobs, it's as if nothing has changed. Hey, can we get a pair of shades, please? The acting isn't what you'd call "good" (after all, what do you expect from a professional wrestler leading the choir?), and the dialogue is not top notch, but its serviceable and gets the message across just fine. We don't say this to disrespect Roddy Piper, because even though he was not an actor first, he manages to be charismatic and charming in his dry, dopey delivery. Keith David was a little more seasoned at the time, though he tends to stick to the same kind of authoritative badass role in every film.

The premise of "They Live" is sufficiently creepy, as is the display of the subliminal messaging that is enough to make one at least a little paranoid. Hell, we're sure there's a section of the population that really believes pod people or aliens or whoever from above are really controlling us via subliminal messages. You listening, Illuminati? Once a person is wearing their sunglasses, the design of these aliens comes into full effect and is rather brilliant. In many ways, they look like decaying human corpses, a very intentional metaphor according to director John Carpenter. Of course, the climax is loaded with action as humans take on their alien overlords with repeated and frequent close-ups of muzzle fire and plenty of blood squibs to satisfy the audience.

Though it's really sort of silly, overall, "They Live" is a very fun movie, one that remains relevant even today. Rest in peace, 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper.

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 83%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!
~~~~~~~~~~

One year ago, we were being scared by: "Deadheads"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Hell's Ground"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "The Changeling"

Movie Review: "The Relic" (1997)

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Movie: "The Relic"
Director: Peter Hyams
Year: 1997
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 50 minutes

A mythical creature from Brazil makes its way to the Chicago Natural History Museum where it wreaks havoc on its staff and patrons.

"The Relic" is a horror film directed by Peter Hyams and is based on a novel by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. It stars Penelope Ann Miller as Dr. Margo Green, an evolutionary biologist who works at the Chicago Natural History Museum. Joining her is Tom Sizemore, who plays Lt. Vincent D'Agosta of the Chicago police department, who is investigating a series of murders where the victims have been dismembered. Each of these victims have also had their hypothalamus removed. Hypothalamus is the buzz word for this movie and is repeated over and over, primarily by Sizemore's D'Agosta. We are not exaggerating in the slightest, this word is probably uttered more times than the characters call each other by their own names.

"The Relic" is the most basic kind of monster movie. A scientist working in Brazil ships something back from the Amazon to Chicago and it turns out to be a violent creature with an insatiable hunger for specific hormones found in the hypothalamus. The acting and story surrounding this premise are both pretty poor. It takes an awful long time for the movie to get going, and the entire first portion is downright dull. Watching bad actors speak bad lines only gets exacerbated by this slow pace. There isn't a whole lot of tension, and watching scientists punch numbers and letters into a computer randomizer program is not the least bit enthralling. When the gore finally does come later in its run time, the dismembered bodies and the blood they create are pretty well executed, but are still not satisfying enough to justify such a long tease for next to nothing. The monster itself looks pretty cool, and at first, we thought it was just a practically made, good looking creature in what we assumed was a low budget monster movie. After a little research, we found out the budget for "The Relic" was between $60-70 million back in 1997. Keep in mind, "Jurassic Park" had a budget of $63 million just a few years earlier and it looks a thousand times better. Knowing this was actually a fairly big budget monster movie, it makes the quality of the creature far less impressive, and the low budget look and quality of the rest of the film is rather inexplicable.

With characters we don't really care about, dialogue that is not enthralling, and a story that is not very gripping, all "The Relic" is left with is one decent looking creature combined with a few instances of good blood and guts effects implemented in an overall forgettable film. We wanted to like this movie, but just couldn't get past these glaring missteps.

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
~~~~~~~~~~
One year ago, we were being scared by: "Creep"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Black Sheep"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Halloween"

Movie Review: "The Den" (2013)

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Movie: "The Den"
Director: Zachary Donohue
Year: 2013
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 21 minutes

Elizabeth Benton (Melanie Papalia) has just received a grant for a research project about online video chatting. She plans to record all of her video chat interactions for the next few months so she can study the interactions of all the people she encounters online. Things go to hell when she believes she witnesses a murder during one of these online video chats, and now, she and her friends seem to be the targets of some crazy killer from the internet.

"The Den" is directed by Zachary Donohue, who also wrote the screenplay along with Lauren Thompson. This is currently the one and only feature film he has directed. It stars Melanie Papalia, who plays Elizabeth Benton, a research student studying the habits of random people who use video chat services. The title "The Den" refers to the video chat program used by the characters in this film. At first, Elizabeth meets a couple of cool people online, but it's mostly perverts showing their penises or kids looking to screw around and cuss at adults. After a few times weeks, Elizabeth begins chatting on The Den with someone behind the photo of a very pretty girl, but this person never uses a webcam. This all changes one day when the picture of this woman suddenly changes to video, and with Elizabeth watching, she witnesses her murder. All of the events after this horrifying day are soon set to destroy her.

This entire film takes place on the webcams of one type of device or another, be they the ones on laptops, phones, or hidden spy cameras. The movie starts out with a pretty solid concept, which seemed to be at least somewhat influential on the surprisingly not terrible "Unfriended" from 2015. Someone witnesses a murder online, and in turn, becomes a target of some random internet person's rage. Unfortunately, director Zachary Donohue fails to build tension throughout the rest of the film. It has fleeting moments of intensity and the occasional grizzly imagery, but the vast majority of the time, we are simply watching Elizabeth fart around on her computer and doing innocuous things around her house. That being said, there are a few worthwhile instances that happen in the first two acts when Elizabeth is mostly isolated to her home and the film is primarily taking place on her monitor. By the time the third act rolls around, "The Den" winds up devolving into the pretty standard found-footage slasher flick with a less than worthy ending.

Donohue and co. seem to spend a whole lot of time building a mystery in "The Den," but it isn't willing to give viewers a satisfying or even plausible answer. The only gratifying build-up we get comes from the first portion of the film, but anything worthwhile from the beginning is completely undone by the time we get to the end of it all. We could think of ten other more fulfilling endings to what could have been a solid horror mystery, but the ball really gets after the first murder occurs. There are a few pretty gruesome, bloody, and shocking scenes for horror fans, but this initially good concept just doesn't deliver the way it could have.

My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.
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One year ago, we were being scared by: "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

Two years ago, we were being scared by: "Bad Milo"

Three years ago, we were being scared by: "Evilspeak"