Movie Review: "Collateral Beauty" (2016)

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Movie: "Collateral Beauty"

Director: David Frankel
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 37 minutes

Howard is the owner of an advertising firm. He has fallen into a deep depression since the death of his daughter a few years prior. The three co-owners of the company and Howard's best friends, Whit, Claire and Simon , want toSimon,ce the board that he is mentally incompetent in order to sell the company and save everyone's jobs. Their solution is to hire three actors to create a ruse to convince Howard he is talking to three abstracts, Death, Time, and Love, and film him while doing so so they can use the tapes to prove their case.

"Collateral Beauty" is directed by David Frankel, who is known for directing films like "Marley & Me" and "The Big Year." It is written by Allan Loeb, who has written movie such as "The Switch" and "Just Go With It." It stars Oscar nominees Will Smith, Edward Norton, and Keira Knightly, and Oscar winners Kate Winslet and Helen Mirren, as well as Michael Peña, Jacob Latimore, and Naomie Harris. The question is, with such a cast ripe with talent and with a release date in the right season for supreme heartstring-tugging, how the hell did Hollywood produce such a sappy, contrived, melodramatic, manipulative donkey fart of a movie like "Collateral Beauty"?

We saw the trailer for this film several months ago and thought, "this looks like the standard emotional Oscar bait and/or inspirational magical holiday film about overcoming grief. We could be into this if it's done right." We're here to tell you it is absolutely not any of this. If you've seen the trailer (honestly, if you've been to the movies anytime in the past 6 months, you've probably seen the trailer for this film), forget what you saw because whatever you think "Collateral Beauty" is about is wrong. The trailer is so far from the plot of the movie itself, those responsible for this bomb should sue the trailer making company for misleading the public.

What this film is actually about a group of coworkers, Whit, played by Norton, Claire, played by Winslet, and Simon, played by Peña, who hire three actors so they can convince the board of their company their boss Howard, the majority stockholder, and THEIR BEST FRIEND, is crazy, mentally unstable, and incapable of making rational decisions. They do this so they can sell the company, which has been floundering since Howard fell into a depression after the loss of his young daughter. Selling it will save the jobs of all of the employees and earn the three of them a big ol' fat payday. MERRY F*CKIN' CHRISTMAS!!! Of course, there's more than meets the eye with these three actors, named Brigitte, played by Mirren, Raffi, played by Latimore, and Amy, played by Knightley, who are chased down by Whit while looking for some tail. Whit, Claire, and Simon all have problems of their own, and though they think what they are doing may be for a solid reason in favor of the greater good, it's still a pretty humongous dick move.

This is a movie that thinks it's deeper and smarter than it is. David Frankel and co. try to create twists and turns in the story, but ultimately, it is so clumsily handled that we see these "gotcha!" moments coming from miles away. What's worse is when we see the movie heading towards these turns, we are forced to sit there silently and think to ourselves, "how dumb would it be if such and such were to happen? There's no way they would do something this obvious, right?" By the end of the film, of course, such and such has happened, and the minute the other 3 patrons left the theater in front of us, the time to stew in our anger began. The longer we think about it, the more pissed off we get at whatever idiot writer thought such a direction could have possibly made for an entertaining, redemptive film. Each and every moment meant to shock the audience left us rolling our eyes at how intentionally emotionally deceptive it all is. It's all done for money (and this applies to both real life and within the movie itself), and given how carelessly facile the plot it, it is clearly made by people who have never truly grieved a day in their lives. The more you think about how much potential is truly squandered here, the more you'll wind up hating this movie.

Let us reiterate. Oscar winners Helen Mirren and Kate Winslet. Oscar nominees Will Smith, Keira Knightley, and Edward Norton. Soon to be Oscar nominee Naomie Harris (we're projecting here, but hopefully). Drink it in, folks. Five to six people who, at one point in their respective careers, have been at the top of their game, and none of them, not one of them, make "Collateral Beauty" anything better than a vindictive, bitter, steaming pile of disingenuous, flawed garbage. This film is the definition of "click-bait." It's shallow, a terrible waste of precious movie watching minutes, and if not even Helen Mirren can make it better? You know you're screwed.

**CLICK HERE to pre-order this movie on Amazon!**

My Rating: 2.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 13%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

10 Movies From 2016 You May Have Missed, Part 2!

As 2016 comes to a close, we wanted to share some of our favorite, brilliant, underseen films from 2016, ones you may have missed. All of these movies made less than $25 million domestically. If you didn't already see our list from the first half of the year, please check it out here!

Let us know your favorite hidden gems from 2016 in the comments, or hit us up on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

10) "Captain Fantastic" - Balancing personal emotional hardships with the never-ending task of parenting, Viggo Mortensen puts on one of the finest performances of his career as a father who has to learn to put what he thinks is best for his children aside in order to give them a more stable life in "Captain Fantastic." This thought-provoking, oddball indie film also challenges the notion of what it means to educate, parent, and live in a society so fixated on things over relationships. 8.5/10

9) "American Honey" - A unique coming-of-age story that looks at the lost youth of middle America. Director Andrea Arnold makes a bold choice to shoot the film in a 4:3 aspect ratio, creating a very intimate experience against the expansive, gritty backdrop of Heartland, USA. Breakout star Sasha Lane gives a riveting performance. 8.5/10

8) "Queen of Katwe" - This film didn't get much notoriety or marketing, especially for a Disney movie. This is a touching, inspirational underdog story bolstered by brilliant performances from Lupita Nyong'o, David Oyelowo, and newcomer Madina Nalwanga. It shows that greatness can come from anywhere if only given the opportunity, even from the slums of Uganda. 8.5/10

7) "The Edge of Seventeen" - "The Edge of Seventeen" givea a darkly humorous and honest look at a modern day coming-of-age story. It manages to be charming, smart, and mature, even in its vulgarity. Imagine what "The Breakfast Club" could have been if they had social media, and you've got this film! 8.5/10

6) "Swiss Army Man" - Be aware from the start that "Swiss Army Man" is about a suicidal man who drags around a farting corpse. If you can get past this plot, what you will find here is a deceptively deep comedy that examines the nature of love, life, and friendship, aided by two spectacular performances by Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe, a unique soundtrack, and a whole lot of humor. 8.5/10

5) "Moonlight" - Taking previously uncombined subject matters and flawlessly integrating them in such a seamless manner, director Barry Jenkins has created something truly unique and special with his powerhouse film "Moonlight." Even the way the story is told is different. The acting is stellar all around, the cinematography is magnificent, and it is extremely compelling. 9/10

4) "The Handmaiden" - Park Chan-wook is a master South Korean director with an eye for stunning visuals and engaging stories featuring lots of twists and turns. "The Handmaiden" is an erotic drama full of scandal and intrigue that builds and builds until its ultimate intentions are revealed. A must see for fans of foreign cinema! 9/10

3) "Loving" - Who would have thought a court battle that occurred in the 50's & 60's could be so relevant in 2016? "Loving" takes two breathtakingly subtle performances by Ruth Negga and Joel Edgerton and combines them into a heartbreaking, powerful, and pertinent film about two real life people who wanted a chance to love each other just like everyone else. Jeff Nichols's masterclass directorial efforts and a simple but important premise makes this film one of the best dramas of the year. 9/10

2) "Nocturnal Animals" - Talk about a wild ride! Tom Ford's "Nocturnal Animals" is intoxicatingly dark and twisted, bleak but captivating, extremely well acted, and visually striking. This one will leave you thinking long after the credits role, but go in knowing as little as you can. 9.5/10

1) "Hunt for the Wilderpeople" - One of the best movies of 2016, "Hunt for the Wilderpeople" is immeasurably funny, supremely witty, deeply emotional, and expertly directed by Taika Waititi. With great performances by Sam Neill, Rachel House, and a breakout performance by Julian Dennison, your life will be a little less bright if you don't watch this gorgeously shot gem of an indie film from New Zealand. 10/10

Movie Review: "The Good Neighbor" (2016)

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Movie: "The Good Neighbor"
Director: Kasra Farahani
Year: 2016
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 38 minutes

A pair of teens conduct an experiment to attempt to convince their old, reclusive neighbor that his house is haunted, all while documenting the whole experiment on video.

"The Good Neighbor" is the feature film debut for director Kasra Farahani, as well as writers Mark Bianculli and Jeff Richard. The thriller stars Logan Miller and Keir Gillchrist as Ethan and Sean, a pair of teens who are conducting a 6 week long scientific experiment to try and convince their neighbor his house is haunted. They do this by rigging their neighbor's house with gadgets that cause strange things to occur. They mount multiple hidden cameras to document it all on video with the ability to tune in anytime they want remotely from Ethan's house across the street. Joining them is James Caan, who plays the aforementioned neighbor Harold Grainey. He is a bit of a recluse and is not very friendly. He would rather keep to himself and doesn't like anyone else in his business. While the two study him, they find that he doesn't react how they expected he would. As their paranoia sets in, they wonder what he is hiding in areas where they don't have surveillance, like his padlocked basement.

The movie runs through three different time periods that are woven together. The main time period involves the experiment itself, the second involves a trial surrounding an incident that takes place during their experiment, and the third features flashbacks of Harold Grainey's life. These flashbacks occur because of the present events of the teens' experiment, causing trigger memories for Harold. Director Farahani slowly doles out information as the story unfolds. Most of the primary storyline is shot found-footage style through the use of surveillance equipment and hand-held cameras, while the rest is all shot like a standard movie. The reason for this is that the found-footage stuff is being shown as evidence at the aforementioned trial, which is sort of a unique take on the found-footage genre.

James Caan offers a solid performance and shows he can still be very intimidating, even as an older actor. We start to wonder at some point what he's really hiding, or if he's being played like the rest of us, a cruel byproduct of Ethan and Sean's experiment gone terribly wrong. Speaking of Ethan and Sean, Logan Miller and Kier Gillchrist do decent jobs playing jaded teenagers looking to poke a potentially sleeping bear. At first, Sean is apprehensive to take part in the experiment, but when prodded by Ethan to play along, he agrees to take part.

"The Good Neighbor" is very reminiscent of movies like "Rear Window" and "Disturbia," which deal with voyeurism, paranoia, and perception. Though this film is certainly flawed and won't rewrite history when it comes to crime dramas, it still manages to be a mostly engaging thriller with a few intense and stunning moments.

**CLICK HERE to buy this film on DVD!*

**CLICK HERE to buy and/or rent this movie on Amazon!**

**CLICK HERE to buy "Rear Window" on Blu-ray!**

For more movie reviews or to review movies yourself, visit filmfed.com

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 18%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Jackie" (2016)

Movie: "Jackie"

Director: Pablo Larraín
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 40 minutes

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Jackie Kennedy (Natalie Portman) recounts the events following the assassination of her husband from her point of view.

"Jackie" is directed by Pablo Larraín, who is known for his films "The Club" and "Neruda." It is written by Noah Oppenheim, who prior to this had written only young adult novel adaptations like "The Maze Runner" and "Allegiant." It stars Natalie Portman as the titular Jackie Kennedy, and is centered around an interview between her and an unnamed reporter, played by Billy Crudup, as she tells the events following her husband's assassination. The film also touches slightly on the fact that Jackie was the first real television-era first lady of the United States, and how the media played a large role in not only her marriage to and the death of her husband, but the public persona and perception of the Kennedy family as a whole.

This film is all about Natalie Portman as she attempts to crack the shell of Jackie Kennedy with her performance as this deeply layered character. Not only was Jackie mourning the loss of her husband, but she was also concerned with cementing his legacy and comforting her children, all while doing her best to remain strong and poised for a watching, waiting, judging nation and world. It really is a powerful portrayal, and Portman nails the part perfectly, from the iconic look aided by Madeline Fontaine's costume design, to the elegant walk and the accent. She truly becomes Jackie, so much so that at times, she is unrecognizable and indistinguishable. This is the type of role actors live for, allowing her to display a full range of emotions as well as deep level of simultaneous vulnerability and strength. Joining Portman are Peter Sarsgaard as Bobby Kennedy, Greta Gerwig as the first lady's assistant and confidant Nancy Tuckerman, Caspar Phillipson as John F. Kennedy, who was likely chosen for his striking resemblance to the late president, as well as John Hurt, Richard E. Grant, John Carroll Lynch, Beth Grant, and Max Casella. Though all of them are fine in their respective roles, no one really come close eclipsing Portman in terms of greatness. She even rises above the movie as a whole, helping elevate what, without her, would be a rather conventional biography. Unlike past films about the Kennedy family, it does try to crack through and go beyond who Jackie was perceived to be and tries to show the complex woman she was past all of the pearls and dinnerware.

Pablo Larraín has created quite a film in "Jackie." Some will love it, others will hate it, but either way, it provides a very in-depth look at a woman concerned with image and power while being doused in vanity and sorrow. It is very documentarian in its execution as the camera stays close and tight on Portman's person almost at all times. The middle of the frame is used often and is done with purpose. Real life footage is also used and spliced in with the movie seamlessly to create an even more realistic feel. While it's mostly subtle, the film as a whole can venture into a little bit of a frenetic pace while the actual assassination is occurring. At its core, "Jackie" is a character sketch about a fascinating, layered character held up by the strong, weighty performance by Natalie Portman. She is vulnerable and sympathetic, but is also commanding and strong. The rewatchability factor might not be there, but it will sure as hell stand for decades to come as a lesson in brilliant acting.

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 85%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

Movie Review: "Turbo Kid" (2015)

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Movie: "Turbo Kid"
Director: François Simard & Anouk Whissell
Year: 2015
Rating: UR
Running Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

In a post-apocalyptic 1997, a young kid finds a special glove and adopts the persona of a comic book superhero to battle the evil Zeus (Michael Ironside) and his minions.

"Turbo Kid" is written and directed by François Simard, Anouk Whissell, and Yoann-Karl Whissell. This is a film that was made in 2015, but is meant to look like it was made in the 1980's, but takes place in a post-apocalyptic 1997. There is only one goal for everyone in this universe, and that's to survive. Doing so is a difficult task as the pursuit of clean water is nearly impossible given that a ruthless tyrant uses his gang of steampunk-looking madmen to gain control of this world. Everyone rides around on bikes because it's the apocalypse and gas isn't readily available, and also because in the 80's, BMX style bikes were a common trope in films...think "The Road Warrior" meets "BMX Bandits" meets "Stranger Things."

We were not quite sure what to expect when we began this film, but we had heard a recommendation or two from several cinephiles we know and trust to take a chance on "Turbo Kid." It is pretty damn amazing! From the overall look, to the oddball story, to the cool characters and the radical soundtrack, it is truly something that needs to be experienced if you're into this sort of film. There is a massive abundance of over-the-top gore that is taken to cartoonish levels. Really, there is far more gore in this sci-fi comedy than in many horror movies churned out on the regular. Excess is not a word in these filmmakers' dictionary. It has a great cast of characters like The Kid, played by Munro Chambers, who has managed to survive on his own and is a comic book enthusiast; Apple, played by Laurence Leboeuf, who bears a strange resemblance to Rainbow Bright; Frederic, played by Aaron Jeffrey, the token Australian badass because in the 80's, there was nothing more badass than Australia, and of course, the evil Zeus, played by Michael Ironside, because who better to play an 80's villain than Michael Ironside?!

"Turbo Kid" is a wonderful homage to 80's B-movie filmmaking. It is fun and outrageous, and for those who are fans of 80's exploitation cinema, this is a movie you can really geek out on and have a good time watching, but try to go in knowing as little as possible and let the film take you where it does on its own. It's pretty cheesy, but it's meant to be, and the cheese really only enhances its charm. We loved the characters, the kickass soundtrack, and the excessive nature of it all. This is a must see!

**CLICK HERE to buy this movie on Amazon!**

**CLICK HERE to buy the limited edition Blu-ray steelbook of this film here!**
For more movie reviews and to start reviewing films yourself, visit filmfed.com

My Rating: 9/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "Eight Crazy Nights" (2002)

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Movie: "Eight Crazy Nights"
Director: Seth Kearsley
Year: 2002
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 16 minutes

A delinquent with a tragic past gets in trouble all too often. After yet another run-in with the law, Davey (Adam Sandler) finds himself possibly facing jail time. Luckily for him, the judge shows mercy and sentences him to community service, but one more screw up means he will receive a mandatory prison sentence.

"Eight Crazy Nights" is an animated holiday film directed by Seth Kearsley. It stars Adam Sandler, who voices multiple characters in the movie. Sandler also partially wrote this Hanukkah tale. There aren't exactly a lot of films that focus on the Hanukkah holiday, and unfortunately, this is one of the more prominent ones. Sorry to any of our readers who are also Jewish...we're so, so sorry.

"Eight Crazy Nights" revolves around an unsavory character named Davey, one of the many characters voiced by Sandler, who has become a local drunk asshole due to a tragedy in his past. Despite numerous run-ins with law enforcement, he typically gets off with a warning because of the small town atmosphere and because of his sad past. This most recent altercation, however, the judge is ready to throw the book at him. Luckily for Davey, the local youth basketball referee named Whitey, also voiced by Sandler, speaks up for him in court and convinces the judge to give him community service and release him under his supervision. The judge agrees, though Davey doesn't seem to appreciate what has been done for him as he continues to treat people like trash. Whitey, being the splendid person that he is, maintains hope that Davey can find redemption.

This film is your typical Adam Sandler film, only this time, it's animated. Being animated, it allows Sandler to show his "diversity" (and we quote this very, very loosely) by performing all three of the silly signature voices he has been working to perfect over the years, you know, the ones that all still sound like Sandler but in an array of pitches. Also, it has all the crude humor we have come to expect from Sandler found in each and every single one of his flicks since the early 2000's. There are a bunch of burp, fart, and crapping reindeer jokes, the usual. They also have a running gag about Whitey's epileptic seizures because, you know, those are always super funny!!!1~! This joke is probably the main reason why this terrible monstrosity of a movie is animated because seizures don't look all that humorous when executed in live action. Beyond these cliches, "Eight Crazy Nights" doesn't have any other reason to be animated other than the fact that the filmmaker thought he could get away with more silly stuff when it's animated. Hopefully someone will make a better Hanukkah movie one day because this is really a steaming pile of trash masqueraded as a holiday film.

**CLICK HERE to buy this movie on DVD!**

My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 12%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "Dead Draw" (2016)

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Movie: "Dead Draw"
Director: Brian Klemesrud
Year: 2016
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

A crew of thieves has just stolen millions from a drug cartel's safety deposit box. Their paranoia starts to get the best of them when it appears someone has leaked their plans and their escape route is blocked. Accusations start to fly as they believe there must be a rat in their midst.

"Dead Draw" is written and directed by Brian Klemesrud. This film was a selection at the San Diego International Film Festival, but unfortunately, it did not fit into our schedule when we attended. It stars Gil Bellows, Michael Eklund, Andy Ahrens, and Faust Checho as a crew of bank robbers. The crew's latest job involves stealing millions of dollars from safety deposit boxes owned by a drug cartel. The job itself goes smoothly as they are in and out quickly without a trace. Upon arriving at an airport hanger where they plan to catch a small plane out of the country, they find their pilot dead. The circle of people who knew about the job is very small, so they figure there must be a rat amongst them. As their paranoia takes over, the crew begins to fall apart.

Boy, we wish we had gotten to see this film on the big screen! It is a tense crime thriller mystery with a lot of "whodunit" thrown in for good measure. The film seems to be strongly inspired by the works of Quentin Tarantino, or at least by the same films that inspired Tarantino himself, which is not a bad thing in the slightest. This movie, in particular, has a very "Reservoir Dogs"-esque feel, and there are even some thematic elements reminiscent of "Pulp Fiction." Ultimately, Klemesrud does do his own twist on the paranoia-drenched heist gone wrong, one we think is both new and old at the same time. This is a fairly low budget film with a small cast, but it is mostly well acted with a very compelling story. It kept us thoroughly engaged throughout its run time, especially as we unfurl the mystery of who the rat is as each character is developed through a series of flashbacks and eliminated one by one.

"Dead Draw" may not be crafted by a well-known director, but it is absolutely worth watching. As friends turn into enemies and every person remains a suspect, this movie quickly unfurls with intrigue, great acting, and plenty of bullets.

*We were lucky enough to be given the chance to review this excellent film, and we want to give special thanks to the crew of "Dead Draw" for allowing us the opportunity to screen the movie. If we hadn't gotten sick, the review would have been out much earlier, and for that, we sincerely apologize.

My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 9.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ---%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House" (2016)

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Movie: "I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House"
Director: Oz Perkins
Year: 2016
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 27 minutes

A hospice nurse moves into the haunted home of an aging author suffering from dementia.

Written and directed by Oz Perkins, "I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House," besides having an absurdly long title, is a Gothic-style ghost story. It is about a hospice nurse named Lily, played by Ruth Wilson, who takes a job working for the estate of an aging author with dementia named Iris Blum, played by Paula Prentis. One of Iris's novels was about a girl named Polly, played by Lucy Boynton, who once lived in and now haunts the house. It isn't long before Lily starts to be tormented by Polly's ghost.

This film is meant to be a slow burning haunted house movie. Most slow burners build tension to an ultimate payoff. Unfortunately, there is no payoff in "I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House." Often times, movies that try to be unhurried and methodical like this one wind up being poky and boring, which is absolutely the case here. The vast majority of the story is told through voice-over narration by Lily. One of the first things she says is that she is 28 years old and she won't live to see 29. OK THEN! Turn the movie off and pack up the snacks, it's over before it begins! Because of this, we have to hope the ultimate payoff is something more than just her death, but nope. There are only one or two moments of genuine creepiness in the whole movie, and there isn't much tension to be had.

Director Oz Perkins is trying to offer an artistic perspective, but nothing really works. Long, sustained shots of characters doing nothing isn't really artistic, it's just dull as hell. There isn't anything really visually striking about this flick either, nothing that makes it unique. Everything about it feels so conventional, so done before, so tired. There are far better slow burning horror films out there choose from, pick literally any other one and you'll be more satisfied than you would be watching "I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House." This winds up being mundane and forgettable.

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My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" (2016)

Movie: "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story"

Director: Gareth Edwards
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 13 minutes

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When the Rebel Alliance discovers the Empire is building a planet-destroying super weapon, much hope is lost. The daughter of an imperial engineer who helped construct the weapon, an imperial defector, and a rogue group of rebels defy orders and try to locate and steal the plans for this Death Star. With these plans, the Alliance will be able to discover its weakness and hopefully destroy it. 

"Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" is the first spin-off into the Star Wars expanded universe. This is a new story with an almost entirely new cast of characters that fills the time gap between episodes III and IV. The film is directed by Gareth Edwards, who is best known for directing 2014's "Godzilla." It stars a tremendous cast including Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Donnie Yen, Wen Jiang, Ben Mendelsohn, Forrest Whitaker, Riz Ahmed, Mads Mikkelsen, and Alan Tudyk.

"Rogue One" tells the story of how the rebels acquired the plans to help them destroy the Death Star. It revolves around Jyn Erso, played by Jones, who is the daughter of Imperial engineer Galen Erso, played by Mikkelsen. He is a key figure in the development of the Empire's super weapon. He also secretly supports the Alliance and sends a pilot, played by Ahmed, attempting to defect with a message for militant separatist Saw Garrera, played by Whitaker. Though Ahmed, Mikkelsen and Whitaker don't get a whole lot of screen time, they are excellent when they gets the chance. Felicity Jones and Diego Luna are equally as captivating as Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor.

"Rogue One" sure as hell puts the war in "Star Wars" and is simply amazing, and not just for fans of the franchise as a whole. This story contains some breathtakingly brilliant visuals with some of the best visual effects we have seen implemented in any film to date. In addition to its stunning look, the movie takes audiences on a roller coaster of emotions from sorrow, to laughter, to pure elation, and even a little hope thrown in for good measure. It fits in seamlessly with episode IV, including a few cameos from familiar characters, particularly the universe's most bad ass villain Darth Vader, again voiced by James Earl Jones. Vader finally gets a scene that truly displays the awesome fear and brutality of his character as we've never seen before. The battle scenes are epic, some of the best ever depicted in a Star Wars movie. "Rogue One" also serves to add layers to the Alliance and shows that not everything they do is perfectly moral. They have assassins and spies and are willing to do immoral things in the fight for what they believe is the greater good.

Though we believe "Rogue One" is a movie for Star Wars fans first, it's never too late to get invested. This film can actually be seen as both: it is a good starting point for beginners, and seasoned vets of the series will get the many references and ties to other movies in the franchise. This is the prequel we have always wanted and have been waiting for. It really serves to show what potential was wasted in episodes I, II, and III. Though some scenes are elongated for dramatic emphasis and there could have been a teensy bit more character development here and there, "Rogue One" is damn incredible.

**CLICK HERE to buy episodes IV-VI on Blu-ray!**
**CLICK HERE to buy "Rogue One" on Blu-ray!**

**CLICK HERE to buy and/or rent "The Force Awakens" on Amazon!**

**CLICK HERE to buy "The Force Awakens" on DVD!**
**CLICK HERE to buy "Rogue One" on DVD!**

My Rating: 9/10
BigJ's Rating: 10/10
IMDB's Rating: 8.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 85%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause" (2006)

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Movie: "The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause"

Director: Michael Lembeck
Year: 2006
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour, 37 minutes

Tired of being just a seasonal enhancer and jealous of the other mythical beings, Jack Frost (Martin Short) devises a plan to take Scott's (Tim Allen) place as Santa Claus.

"The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause" is directed by Michael Lembeck, who has directed films like the previous installment of this franchise, "The Santa Clause 2," as well as "Tooth Fairy." Lembeck has managed to drive what started out as a halfway decent series right into the ground. The majority of the cast returns, including Tim Allen, who has now come back a third time to play Scott/Santa. Joining him is Elizabeth Mitchell as Carol/Mrs. Claus, Eric Lloyd as his son Charlie, Wendy Crewson as his ex-wife Laura, Judge Reinhold as Wendy's husband Neil, and Liliana Mumy as their daughter Lucy. New to the cast are Martin Short, who plays Jack Frost, as well as Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret as Bud and Sylvia Newman, the parents of Mrs. Claus, who have not seen their daughter since she moved to "Canada" with her "toy maker husband." Now that she is pregnant, Scott has decided they should come to visit for the holiday, but has to get around the pesky fact that they are actually in the North Pole, not Canada.

This is one of those instances where Disney should have quit while it was ahead. Back in 1994, "The Santa Clause" came out with an entire premise based on a pun. It had its heart in the right place and made a bunch of money. We don't fault them for that, and it's a pretty good film. It remained that way for nearly eight years, and then, Disney decided it needed to cash in on the franchise once more, so they slapped together "The Santa Clause 2." In this sequel, Santa would lose his powers if he didn't get married. This entry was already a stumble for the franchise, but still, it made money. Another four years came and went, and now, the inevitable "The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause" exists, though we really wish it didn't. We love Martin Short, but this film is an absolute mess, so much so that this sequel's entire plot goes against the premise of the first installment. The first film was all about Scott reluctantly becoming Santa with no way to undo it. However, the escape clause existing entirely makes that movie's plot pointless, thus negating all three pictures. The escape clause has time travel, which of course means a billion plot holes, including the fact that it ignores the "Mrs. Clause," which was established in part two. This film also lacks focus. Part of it seems like a wacky 'meet the parents' type of scenario where Scott tries to hide the fact that he's Santa by attempting to convince his in-laws that they are actually in Canada. The other half is some shoehorned in plot about Jack Frost being jealous of Santa Claus with a very quick resolution and a very silly purpose in the first place. It seems this entire movie banked on the comedic ability of Martin Short, and though Jack Frost is the best character by far, it isn't nearly enough to carry an entire 90ish minutes worth of screen time.

"The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause" is a clear cut example of a corporate cash grab that simply shouldn't exist. Even the gag reel reeks of unfunny, awkward interactions between the actors, so it's no wonder this film has no spirit, no magic, no chemistry, and no cohesion.

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My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 15%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~
Last Christmas, we were watching: "Christmas in Connecticut"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "Joyeux Noel"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "It's a Wonderful Life"

Movie Review: "Surviving Christmas" (2004)

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Movie: "Surviving Christmas"

Director: Mike Mitchell
Year: 2004
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 31 minutes

A wealthy ad executive who is going to be alone for Christmas hires the people who live in his childhood home to pretend be his family for the holidays. 

"Surviving Christmas" is directed by Mike Mitchell, who has directed several live action films such as "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" and "Sky High," and recently has switched his focus to animated movies, such as the box office hit "Trolls." This movie stars Ben Affleck as wealthy advertising executive Drew Latham, who after a fight with his girlfriend Missy, played by Jennifer Morrison, is now going to be alone on Christmas. With nowhere left to go, Drew returns to his childhood home and pays the Valco family, who are now living there, $250,000 to pretend to be his family for Christmas. While Drew tries to create his perfect family holiday the Valco clan are doing their very best to survive the tornado Drew has inflicted upon them in an attempt to tolerate his many yuletide demands.

This is another one of those bullshit Hollywood movies where everything that goes on could have been solved with one simple conversation. All Drew had to do was tell his girlfriend why he doesn't see his family on Christmas, and everything would have been over. There would be no need for such an insipid mess of a movie. Lord knows we knew from the first 5 second of the film why Drew spends his Christmases alone, which means we can see the big reveal that's coming from 800 miles away. There is no charm in this movie, no wit, and hardly anything about it is funny. We maybe laughed once or twice throughout the whole thing, and even those felt like pity laughs at the expense of a deranged millionaire who is so out of touch with reality that he feels like he can throw money around to get his way...sound familiar?

The whole concept of "Surviving Christmas" is actually quite depressing. Drew is so lonely and has so few real friends that he actually has to pay a family a quarter of a million dollars to be willing to spend time with him. He constantly flaunts his wealth unabashedly and uses it to attempt to capture the Norman Rockwell-esque middle American Christmas he feels he has missed out on in the past. He wants to go buy a tree, sing Christmas Carols, have his faux-dad wear a Santa hat, and go tobogganing, but his fake family fights it every step of the way, even though they are getting paid. He is allowed to do what he does because he is rich, and the family only tolerates him because they want his money. Without bucks, this movie would cease to exist.

"Surviving Christmas" is the antithesis of what Christmas is all about. Even when a tacked-on ending is added to give it a bit of heart, the contrived, expected nature of it all, the forced sentiment added to the story makes us even more mad. You can't take horrible people doing horrible things, throw on a stupid ending and just expect the audience to be in the Christmas spirit instantly. If you want to get in the spirit of the holiday, steer clear and avoid this one. This movie only serves as a reminder of why people used to hate Ben Affleck.

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My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 7%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~
Last Christmas, we were watching: "Happy Christmas"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "White Christmas"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "A Christmas Story"

Movie Review: "Holiday Inn" (1942)

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Movie: "Holiday Inn"

Director: Mark Sandrich
Year: 1942
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 40 minutes

A singer and a dancer compete for the affections and services of a woman they want as their partner.

Directed by Mark Sandrich, "Holiday Inn" is a musical comedy about two men who regularly battle for the affection of the same woman. It stars Bing Crosby as Jim Hardy, a singer who is tired of being on the road 365 days a year. He buys a farm in the hopes of a simpler life and is expecting his fiance Lila, played by Virginia Dale, to join him. She, however, has other plans, which involve staying with Jim's soon-to-be former partner Ted Hanover, played by Fred Astaire, whom she has been having an affair with, and so they can continue working together. Jim shakes off the betrayal and heads up to his farm, but finds the work far more taxing than he expected. He decides to convert his farm into an inn that is only open on holidays. He plans to perform there and hires a singer/dancer named Linda Mason, played by Marjorie Reynolds, who soon becomes his fiance. Things are going swimmingly until Ted shows back up again looking to recruit Jim's fiance for his act and steal her away for himself.

This is often listed as a Christmas movie, which is why we watched it during this holiday's marathon. However, this is more of a 'holiday in general' movie. Though it does begin and end on Christmas, it also covers New Years Eve, Valentine's day, Lincoln's Birthday, Washington's Birthday, Easter, Independence Day, and Thanksgiving. Jim's Holiday Inn has a special performance each holiday, including a performance of a song titled "Abraham" with Bing, Marjorie and all the back up performers in blackface. In 2016, needless to say, it's extremely jarring to be poking along a film's run time and all of a sudden, BAM!, minstrel show, but we guess those were the times???? (Not to excuse it...it's still pretty jarring within the plot as well and brings the movie to a screeching halt). Still, it does certainly date the film to have a sincere blackface performance that goes on for far too long. At its core, "Holiday Inn" is really little more than a series of song and dance numbers strung together with a loosely constructed love triangle to fill in the gaps. None of the relationships seem all that genuine. It's almost laughable with how easily these women switch fiancés on a whim, and how quickly the men fall in love with any woman who makes a halfway decent performance partner. Jim also gets over being betrayed by his friend on multiple occasions very, very quickly because real life! In this world, it doesn't seem possible to have a song and dance partner without them being a romantic interest.

As we mentioned, "Holiday Inn" covers a vast time span of holidays, so the Christmas segments are kept short to make room for everything else. This movie is more about the singing and dancing, though, and those performances are entertaining for the most part. It's always fun to watch Fred Astaire, Virginia Dale, Marjorie Reynolds, and Bing Crosby do their thing. We know some readers will call us "triggered" for mentioning the blackface performance, but we have to be honest, it was extremely jarring to see from a movie in 1942.

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My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 100%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
~~~~~~~~~~
Last Christmas, we were watching: "The Santa Clause 2"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "Fred Claus"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York"

Movie Review: "Léon: The Professional" (1994)

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Movie: "Léon: The Professional"
Director: Luc Besson
Year: 1994
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 50 minutes

Professional hit-man Léon (Jean Reno) takes in a 12 year-old girl named Mathilda (Natalie Portman), whose family was recently murdered. He teaches her the tricks of his trade in order to help her get revenge. As time passes, the two grow close and form a very unlikely bond.

Luc Besson's "Léon: The Professional" is an dramatic action thriller about a hit-man and a 12 year-old girl's unlikely relationship. Jean Reno plays the titular Léon, who doesn't seem like the most emotionally mature or mentally developed person in the world. However, when it comes to killing people, he has a unique gift for it. He is essentially a murder savant. Léon lives in a run-down apartment complex, and just down the hall living with her family is a 12 year-old girl named Mathilda, played by a very young Natalie Portman in her feature film debut. After a dispute with a man named Stansfield, played by Gary Oldman, over some missing drugs, Mathilda's entire family is murdered, including her four year-old brother. Against his better judgment, Léon takes the girl in even though it means putting himself in danger. With initial hesitation, he also takes Mathilda under his wing and starts to teach her the hit-man game.

Léon and Mathilda have a bit of an odd relationship, one that may make some viewers uneasy. There is definitely a romantic undertone to it as Mathilda seems to view Léon more amorously than fatherly. To combat the feelings that Léon is somehow taking advantage of Mathilda, Jean Reno does a brilliant job portraying the character like he has a diminutive capacity and the emotional maturity of someone closer to Mathilda's age despite the fact he is more than 30 years her senior. Reno is also very believable as a ruthless killer who is not to be trifled with, and we don't think he gets enough credit for his tremendous performance in this film. Natalie Portman also does an equally outstanding and convincing job, especially considering this was her debut role. Portman is able to convey a whole myriad of emotions, as well as displaying a maturity and ability far beyond her years. Of course, these two antiheroes need their antagonist, and that comes in the form of Gary Oldman's crooked cop Stansfield. Oldman has an amazing ability to go from somber to psychopath in 0.345572 seconds, making him the perfect choice for villainous roles of this type.

"Léon: The Professional" is a film with strong emotion and even some darkly humorous comedy, as well as outstanding action scenes and a simple but well implemented premise of revenge, devotion, and friendship. For those who haven't seen it, this is a classic absolutely worth checking out at least once.

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My Rating: 9/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: 8.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 71%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "Trading Places" (1983)

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Movie: "Trading Places"

Director: John Landis
Year: 1983
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 56 minutes

Randolph and Mortimer Duke (Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche), the owners of Duke & Duke commodities brokerage firm, conduct an experiment testing environment versus genetics. Randall bets Mortimer that he can take an underprivileged criminal named Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) and turn him into a top manager at their firm and have him excel at the job, while simultaneously driving former manager Louis Winthorp III (Dan Aykroyd) to a life of crime by changing their environments and financial situations.

"Trading Places" is directed by John Landis, who is known for directing films like "The Blues Brothers" and "An American Werewolf in London." It is written by Timothy Harris and Herschel Weingrod, who have worked together on other comedy movies like "Kindergarten Cop" and "Brewster's Millions." It stars Dan Aykroyd as Louis Winthorp III, the manager of Duke & Duke commodities brokerage firm, which is owned by brothers Randolph and Mortimer Duke, played by Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche. Joining them is Eddie Murphy as streetwise conman Billy Ray Valentine, who gets falsely accused of a crime when he accidentally bumps into the aforementioned Louis Winthorp III outside of the office. After their little run-in, he is jailed, and the two Dukes get an idea for an experiment. They want to switch Winthorp and Valentine's lives to see if Valentine can succeed given the proper advantages, and if Winthorp will turn to crime if he loses everything. So, the Dukes bail Valentine out of jail, set him up in Louis' house with Louis' personal butler and his car, give him Louis' job, and swap the situations of these two men as a fish out of water comedy ensues.

There are a lot of laughs here as this film showcases Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd at the top of their comedy game. We get to see Winthorp's devolution from a posh Harvard graduate to a rambling, scruffy bum being forced to shack up with a hooker with a heart of gold named Ophelia, played perfectly by the immeasurable Jamie Lee Curtis. Aykroyd does a fantastic job playing a disheveled soul at the end of his rope. Eddie Murphy, of course, goes the opposite route with his character as he turns from poor panhandler hanging out with drunks to a bougie broker hobnobbing with other wealthy people. Murphy is charming, witty, and hilarious with an infectious smile and laugh. Though he seems to be brought into the fold, the Dukes are still traditional old racists who would never let a black man run their company if it weren't for their experiment. There is a lot of satirical humor when it comes to the racist tendencies of the Dukes as Bellamy and Ameche sell these parts well with their dry delivery and snobbish cadence.

"Trading Places" is a fantastically funny comedy that pokes fun at 80's consumer culture. It is definitely one of the best comedies of Eddie Murphy's career, and is a film we could never get tired of watching. It's awesome to revisit these comedy legends at the very pinnacle of their careers in a film where they are so clearly each other's equal in terms of greatness. As far as Christmas movies go, if you're okay with situational Christmas flicks, this is definitely an excellent choice as it spans the time from Christmas to New Year's, always in the background and sometimes even blending into the zaniness.

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My Rating: 8/10
BigJ's Rating: 8/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 68%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
~~~~~~~~~~
Last Christmas, we were watching: "Ernest Saves Christmas"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "The Muppet Christmas Carol"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "The Polar Express"

Movie Review: "A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas" (2011)

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Movie: "A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas"

Director: Todd Strauss-Schulson
Year: 2011
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

Harold (John Cho) sets out on a quest to replace his father-in-law's perfect Christmas tree after it is accidentally burned down when a joint sparked by his old friend Kumar (Kal Penn) gets caught in its branches, even after Harold asked him not to smoke in his house.  

"A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas" is the third installment in the "Harold & Kumar" comedy franchise. It is directed by Todd Strauss-Schulson and is his cinematic directorial debut. He would also go on to direct the horror comedy "The Final Girls." Of course, this film stars John Cho and Kal Penn as the titular Harold and Kumar.

The two former besties have grown apart since we last saw them. Harold is a married, successful business man, and Kumar still sits around in his trashy apartment smoking copious amounts of weed and not doing much else. Harold is having trouble earning his father-in-law's respect, but since Mr. Perez, played by Danny Trejo, loves Christmas, Harold is trying to make it the best possible by going all out in heart and home. Mr. Perez grows his own Christmas trees, and Harold takes it upon himself to decorate it so the extended family can go to midnight mass in the city. Just then, Kumar receives a package for Harold at the apartment, so they are forced together once again. In the package is a giant spliff which, when sparked, burns down Mr. Perez's perfect tree, and Harold's hopes for respect and approval from his father-in-law along with it. A new crazy quest begins as Harold and Kumar search to find another tree on Christmas eve to replace the one that burned. In the same vein as the original "Harold & Kumar," their quest is constantly thwarted as they are sent down wild and crazy tangents, even into a world of clay-mation, all with the help of a little 3D technology along the way.

Of course, this movie is ripe and chock full of stoner humor. There is a whole running gag about a toddler inadvertently getting high on a multitude of drugs, so if that offends you, don't even consider this sequel as an option because the joke seriously runs throughout. the. entire. movie. It also has a lot of toilet humor. For example, several cars get pissed on and pelted with feces, and as always, there are a couple of dick jokes for good measure. They are not completely devoid of holiday spirit as one penis pun is an homage to the classic "A Christmas Story," which is not exactly fun if you can guess which scene it's mimicking. This film definitely doesn't tap dance around any subject and pulls no punches when it comes to its signature brand of raunchy humor. Some of it works and manages to make the audience laugh, but there is the occasional groan as well, and not little groans, either, big, full-fledged groans.

As far as adult-oriented Christmas comedies go, "A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas" isn't the best option out there, but it's certainly not the worst. If you liked "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle," there is a strong chance you will enjoy this sequel as well.

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My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 68%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
~~~~~~~~~~
Last Christmas, we were watching: "A Christmas Carol"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "Christmas With the Kranks"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "Scrooged"

Movie Review: "La La Land" (2016)

Movie: "La La Land"

Director: Damien Chazelle
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 8 minutes

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An aspiring actress (Emma Stone) and struggling jazz musician (Ryan Gosling) find love and chase their dreams in the city of Los Angeles. 

"La La Land" is written and directed by Damien Chazelle, who burst onto the directorial scene in 2014 with his award winning film "Whiplash," one of our favorite films from that year. It stars Emma Stone as Mia, an aspiring actress who spends her time going to crappy auditions for crappy parts and working as a barista at a coffee shop on the Warner Bros studio lot. Joining her is Ryan Gosling as Sebastian, a struggling jazz musician who dreams of one day opening his own club in the city. He is a talented musician, but his traditional views on jazz music make him difficult to work with. Mia and Sebastian don't have the greatest start to their relationship, but after running into one another at a party, they strike up a friendship, begin dating, and eventually, after many months, their relationship endures hardships along the road to reaching their dreams.

We have been looking forward to "La La Land" for many, many months, and it certainly did not disappoint us in the slightest. This film features both a love letter to and a scathing review of the city of Los Angeles. It is also an ode to all of the people out there who have the courage, or foolishness, to chase their dreams. It is a modern tale of love wrapped in an homage to old Hollywood films and studio musicals, and it is damn near perfect. The film bubbles and bursts with vivid colors and stunning imagery as it captures a nostalgic look in a modern era. There may very well be undiscovered colors created here, that's how spectacular of a color palette Chazelle is working with from start, with a 'presented in Cinemascope' marquee, to finish, with a look at dream versus reality. It is an utterly splendid experience to look at as a member of the audience. It's not all sunsets, flashy dresses and cool cars. Rather, it's a vast display of proficient technical prowess as the playing of light and shadows, sounds and mood, and various camera shots come into play to make this a standout picture from scene to scene. "La La Land" is not only beautiful, but extremely well made and delicately captivating due to the attention to detail and effort put into each and every frame. The tunes also aid in its brilliance. Some are simple songs, but there are a wide range of them. Several numbers are tender and intimate, others are toe-tappingly fun and supremely catchy, and there are even a few that could elicit a laugh.

Knowing that Ryan Gosling really learned to play the piano and that he and Emma Stone are singing all of the music only makes it that much more special and personal. Speaking of Gosling and Stone, they offer two magnificent performances here. Stone is absolutely brilliant as Mia, who goes from audition to audition chasing her dream of being an actress, and Gosling is excellent as Sebastian, who has to succumb to pressures of playing modern music, even as a jazz purist. Together, they share a truly palpable, realistic, smoldering, spectacular chemistry. Both actors are absolutely charming, as is the film as a whole.

Words cannot express how much I truly loved "La La Land," and not just because of the chemistry between its actors, the fantastic music, and its technical achievements. This is what we want to experience when we go to the movies, to be immersed in a story, to be captivated by the screen from start to finish, and to feel something when we leave the theater. We want to watch movies that inspire us, that make us believe, that make us smile, or cry, or laugh, or be happy, that nudge us to take a chance. Though BigJ was a little less moved by the film, we both agree "La La Land" is a truly gorgeous piece of cinema with beautiful costumes, vibrant sets and colors, brilliant music, dynamic camerawork and flawless cinematography. You are doing yourself a disservice if you do not see this stunning movie.

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My Rating: 10/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: 8.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "Four Christmases" (2008)

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Movie: "Four Christmases"

Director: Seth Gordon
Year: 2008
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 28 minutes

A couple who typically spend each Christmas in a tropical paradise are forced to spend Christmas with their families when their plane is grounded due to bad weather.

Ahhhh...another year, another crappy Christmas comedy. "Four Christmases" is directed by Seth Gordon, who has gone on to direct films like "Horrible Bosses" and "Identity Thief." It stars Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon as Brad and Kate, a 30-something year old professional couple who like to spend their holidays every year having fun in a tropical paradise rather than with their pesky, annoying families. Because, you know, the holidays generally mean being selfish assholes! This Christmas, however, bad whether grounds their plane and forces them to spend the holiday with their families. Both Kate and Brad have divorced parents, which means four families, four houses, and four Christmas celebrations all in one day.

From there, the film devolves into a basic dysfunctional family comedy chock full of sibling rivalries, disapproving and/or embarrassing parents, and unruly children. Oh, and speaking of children, Brad and Kate start out the film staunchly against having kids. This being your standard Hollywood fare with no balls to speak of, we know this is going to change because as soon as Kate holds a baby, that biological clock of hers starts ticking! God forbid a woman hold a child and not want one of her very own! *~sO rEaLisTiC!*~ Now, despite the fact she and Brad are harassed, assaulted, puked on, and defied by numerous kids throughout the course of the day, somehow, they come out of the experience wanting to create their own little hell spawn to harass them, assault them, puke on them, etc. Just like real life! The notion that people instantly change their minds about having kids when they are in the presence of a child is absolutely mind-boggling and wholly unrealistic, even for Hollywood. As two people who don't plan on having their own children, no amount of kids is going to change our minds, even if they aren't puking and cursing at us while putting used pregnancy sticks in their mouths. And speaking of used pregnancy sticks in their mouths, this is an actual plot point in this movie oh god what have we done to deserve this????

"Four Christmases" is full of unlikable characters in over-the-top, completely unfunny situations that are devoid of humor, chemistry, and joy. There are maybe one or two laughs in the entire movie, and everything feels entirely phony, generic, and forced. All of this comes before the ridiculous tacked-on ending, which is totally unearned, inorganic, and just plain stupid...this series of words can actually be used to describe the entire picture itself. Avoid this one.

My Rating: 2.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 25%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
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Last Christmas, we were watching: "One Magic Christmas"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "Jack Frost"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "Miracle on 34th Street"

Movie Review: "The Ref" (1994)

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Movie: "The Ref"

Director: Ted Demme
Year: 1994
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 36 minutes

A cat burglar takes a married couple hostage while he hides out from the police. It turns out, he couldn't have picked a worse couple to kidnap. The two have an extremely volatile marriage and a bunch of disagreeable relatives coming over for Christmas eve dinner, making his easy task much more difficult than he expected.

"The Ref" is a Christmas crime comedy directed by Ted Demme. It stars Denis Leary as Gus, a cat burglar who gets in a bit of a pinch when he sets off an alarm at the house he is robbing. Pursued by the police, he takes a married couple hostage. Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis play Lloyd and Caroline, the aforementioned couple, but unbeknownst to Gus, the two are having serious problems and are on the brink of a divorce. To make matters worse, their juvenile delinquent son, Jesse, played by Robert J. Steinmiller Jr., and their extended family who they don't really get along with, are coming over for Christmas eve dinner. Gus was hoping to hole up until his partner Murray, played by Richard Bright, could get them an escape route, but this task is far more difficult than expected.

This is a darkly humorous holiday crime caper. Denis Leary does his specific brand of profanity-laced rage comedy that has made him so famous, but he does so in a way that's wholly entertaining and even slightly endearing at times. He winds up playing therapist to a feuding couple who clearly don't even want to be in the same room as one another. Kevin Spacey shows his ability to deliver a nasty, snide remark with enough wit and charm to make it always hilarious. Of course, the vast majority of this film consists of people arguing and insulting each other, so if that's not your cup of tea, it's might be best to avoid this movie. We, however, like this kind of offbeat, unconventional humor in our Christmas movies, so long as it's executed well, which is is here. That being said, there are some aspects of the film that are a little contrived as it all wraps up too neatly. The ending doesn't feel like it is earned and doesn't come about organically...well, all of it except for the big blowout where Spacey finally tells off his mother, played by Glynis Johns, off in a spectacular fashion. Really, it seems like the writers were running out of material, so they suddenly decided to end it the way they did. We don't hate the ending, it's just too convenient.

If you like dark comedies mixed with holiday cheer and a heck of a lot of arguments, "The Ref" is the snarky, sarcastic, grimly funny film for you.

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My Rating: 6.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 71%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?
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Last Christmas, we were watching: "Edward Scissorhands"

Two Christmases ago, we were watching: "Gremlins"

Three Christmases ago, we were watching: "Die Hard"