Movie Review: "Noelle" (2019)

Image Source

Movie: "Noelle"

Director: Marc Lawrence
Year: 2019
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour, 40 minutes

Santa's son Nick, who is poised to take over the role of the Jolly Gift Giver, disappears the week before Christmas. Now, his sister Noelle sets off to look for him so he can return in time for the holiday and save Christmas.

Movie Review: "Silent Night, Bloody Night" (1972)

Image Source

Movie: "Silent Night, Bloody Night"

Director: Theodore Gershuny
Year: 1972
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 21 minutes

When a wealthy but reclusive man dies, his grandson, who is his last living relative, inherits the home but is unable to sell it because it was his grandfather's dying wish to leave it standing. After the house sits empty for 20 years, the grandson is in need of some quick cash and decides to sell the mansion, but those involved in the sale start to get murdered one by one.

Movie Review: "Babes in Toyland" (1961)

Image Source

Movie: "Babes in Toyland"

Director: Jack Donohue
Year: 1961
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 46 minutes

When the evil Barnaby interferes in the wedding of Tom Piper and Mary Contrary, it sets off a chain of events that lead Tom, Mary, and her siblings to Toyland where they must help the toymaker build things for Christmas.

Movie Review: "The Bishop's Wife" (1947)

Image Source

Movie: "The Bishop's Wife"

Director: Henry Koster
Year: 1947
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 49 minutes

An angel comes to earth to offer guidance to a bishop and his wife who have been praying for help. Though it may not be the guidance they want, it is the guidance they need.

Movie Review: "The Preacher's Wife" (1996)

Image Source

Movie: "The Preacher's Wife"

Director: Penny Marshall
Year: 1996
Rating: PG
Running Time: 2 hours, 3 minutes

An angel comes to earth to help a preacher and his wife who have prayed for aid during the holiday season as the mounting stress of a church that is falling apart and other community issues cause this preacher to neglect what is really important in his life.

Movie Review: "Lost Christmas" (2011)

Image Source

Movie: "Lost Christmas"

Director: John Hay
Year: 2011
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 29 minutes

After a young orphan boy loses his dog, he gets help from a mysterious man who is there to help right wrongs and find things that have been lost or stolen.

Movie Review: "Just Friends" (2005)

Image Source

Movie: "Just Friends"

Director: Roger Kumble
Year: 2005
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 36 minutes

A once overweight high school loser has turned into a hot, successful womanizer in the last decade and inadvertently must returns to his hometown with one of the pop singers he works with. Once there, he reunites with his childhood crush, the girl who kept him in the 'friend zone.' He now thinks he has a shot with her because of his new looks and success. Unfortunately, being around her turns him into the bumbling failure he was when he was a kid.

Movie Review: "The Holiday Calendar" (2018)

Image Source

Movie: "The Holiday Calendar"

Director: Bradley Walsh
Year: 2018
Rating: TV-PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 35 minutes

A photographer named Abby has just inherited an antique advent calendar from her grandmother, who recently passed away. As its door opens each day, whatever is inside starts to relate to strange occurrences in Abby's life, and she begins to believe this calendar may have magical powers.

Movie Review: "Christmas Inheritance" (2017)

Image Source

Movie: "Christmas Inheritance"

Director: Ernie Barbarash
Year: 2017
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

Wealthy socialite Ellen Langford travels to her father's hometown to deliver a box of letters to her uncle. To prove she has what it takes to run her dad's business, and without relying on her social status and credit cards, Ellen is instructed that she must go to the town incognito, and she can't spend more than $100 dollars while she's there.

Movie Review: "The Christmas Chronicles" (2018)

Image Source

Movie: "The Christmas Chronicles"

Director: Clay Kaytis
Year: 2018
Rating: TV-PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

On the first Christmas after the death of her father, Kate is going through some old home videos where she thinks she caught Santa Claus on tape. She and her older brother Teddy set up a trap to get definitive proof that Santa exists, which leads them on a wild Christmas adventure they never expected.

Movie Review: "A Christmas Horror Story" (2015)

Image Source

Movie: "A Christmas Horror Story

Director: Steven Hoban, Brett Sullivan, and Grant Harvey
Year: 2015
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

An anthology of four loosely connected Christmas-themed horror stories.

Nothing says Christmastime quite like a good holiday-themed horror flick. The movie "A Christmas Horror Story" tells four tales from three different directors named Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, and Brett Sullivan. One story is about a trio of teens named Dylon, Ben, and Molly, played by Shannon Kook, Alex Ozerov, and Zoe De Grand Maison, who are investigating an old murder at their high school. Next, there is a tale about a couple, played by Adrian Holmes and Olunike Adeliyi, who go to cut down a Christmas tree but lose their son in the process. When they find him, he looks the same as always, but there is definitely something different about him. Then, there's a story about a family going to visit their wealthy aunt for Christmas. Instead of a nice, sweet visit, they are really going to see her to try and butter her up for some money. Grandma tells the family about the legend of Krampus, who this naughty family may soon meet. Finally, there is a story about Santa, played by George Buza, who must face down an army of zombie elves at the North Pole. Oh yeah, all of these stories go on while William Shatner plays a radio DJ who is supposed to connect the tales more than they already are.

"A Christmas Horror Story" does not tell each story individually in order, but rather jumps between them giving viewers a little snippet of each at a time. This might be alright if every story was super engaging and well constructed. Unfortunately, we only liked one of the stories. This break-up in the narrative causes the pacing to drag to a halt. We wind up sitting through a long, boring stretch of time only to jump to a dull piece of a different story until we finally jump to the interesting piece of the movie, only to be thrust back into a bland story just as the good one was getting interesting. If the film featured four narratives told in a linear fashion, it may give the audience more time to invest in and focus on each of the characters from each of the stories and not rip us out of it just as it was getting good. The stories really aren't connected enough to justify this broken storytelling, especially since none of them even wind up fully connecting. The only part of "A Christmas Horror Story" worth watching is when Santa faces off against the zombie elves, which is fun, wholly entertaining, and has a brilliant, twisted ending. As only one-fourth of the movie is really great, that leaves three-fourths of it to wallow in mediocrity. This could have been a lot better, but apart from the zombie elves, none of it is even that memorable.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "The Long Kiss Goodnight" (1996)

Image Source

Movie: "The Long Kiss Goodnight"

Director: Renny Harlin
Year: 1996
Rating: NR
Running Time: 2 hours, 1 minutes

A teacher with amnesia is confronted by her mysterious and dangerous past when she appears as the belle of a local Christmas parade. After footage of her gets on TV, old enemies who thought she was dead come to find her.

A deadly assassin with amnesia who has to unravel the mystery of their past and face off against the government agency they once worked for. Of course, we are talking about "The Bourne Identity," ...wait, actually, we're not. We are talking about a movie that came out six years before "The Bourne Identity," and that is "The Long Kiss Goodnight." This film is written by the Christmas-obsessed Shane Black, who is known for writing and/or directing films like "Lethal Weapon," "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," and "The Nice Guys." It is directed by Renny Harlin, who has helmed action movies such as "Die Hard 2," "Cliffhanger," and "Cutthroat Island." The film stars Geena Davis as Samantha Caine, a school teacher who can't remember anything before eight years ago. She has a daughter and a live-in boyfriend and leads a normal life. All that changes after she is seen on television in a Christmas parade by some old enemies, bringing danger right to her front door. Samantha has also recently been in a car accident, which starts to unlock a few past memories and unknown skills. Now, with the help of a private investigator named Mitch Hennessey, played by Samuel L. Jackson, she tries to unravel the mystery of her past, who she is, and why people are trying to kill her.

Quite a few of Shane Black's movies take place during the Christmas holiday. Either he really loves Christmas or he hates it considering all of these films are action movies with plenty of bullets, blood, and death. That's exactly what we get with "The Long Kiss Goodnight." This is an action-packed "who am I?" mystery that has its fair share of witty one-liners and a bit of goofiness as well. One question this movie asks is, how well can Geena Davis carry an action flick as the lead? She does a decent enough job and her 6-foot frame gives her the proper imposing stature of an action badass. That being said, there is something about her personality that doesn't have a hard enough center like Sigourney Weaver in "Alien" and its sequels or Linda Hamilton in "Terminator 2." Samuel L. Jackson is as hilarious as always, offering up numerous quips with his ever-present charm that almost always hit their comedic mark. Davis and Jackson have fantastic chemistry as partners. The story itself is a bit ridiculous and a little unbelievable. It can be contrived at times, but this still winds up being a fun popcorn action flick. How can you hate a movie where the protagonist ice skates after a car to gun down the driver? That's right, you can't.

If you're into circumstantial Christmas movies with lots of chases, blood, and torture, "The Long Kiss Goodnight" is the film for you.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Please be sure to check out Lolo Loves Films all over the internet!

Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest | Snapchat | Twitter

Movie Review: "Pottersville" (2017)

Image Source

Movie: "Pottersville"

Director: Seth Henrikson
Year: 2017
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 25 minutes

After finding out his wife wants to leave him to pursue an exciting life as a furry, neighborhood nice guy Maynard Geiger gets drunk on Moonshine and goes tromping around town dressed as a gorilla. This leads to a string of Bigfoot sightings which puts their small, troubled city of Pottersville on the map.

Nothing says Christmas quite like a bankrupt town, a furry fetish, and a Bigfoot hoax. These are the themes of the straight-to-VOD film "Pottersville," written by Daniel Meyer and directed by Seth Henrikson. This is the feature film debut for both of them. For a movie with such an odd premise, one might assume it stars likes of Pauly Shore or even John Cusack, the VOD king as of late. Surprisingly, this film boasts a great cast including Michael Shannon, Ron Perlman, Judy Greer, Ian McShane, Christina Hendricks, and Tom Lennon. "Pottersville" revolves around a local general store owner and an all-around nice guy named Maynard Geiger, played by Shannon. His shop is one of the few businesses left operating in town since the local lumber mill shut down. One day, Maynard decides to leave work early to surprise his wife, only to find her dressed as a giant rabbit and frolicking in bed with a man dressed as a wolf. The shock of the situation leads him to get drunk and dress up in a makeshift gorilla costume while traipsing and stomping through town. This leads to a slew of Bigfoot sightings, which brings fame, tourists, and reality television to their small town.

"Pottersville" has an absolutely absurd premise. The idea of a drunk guy in a gorilla costume getting mistaken for a Sasquatch, or "Squatch" as Tom Lennon's character Brock Masterson calls it, has some opportunities for humor already built into the plot. The question is, do the writer and director execute it well? There are some things about this movie that are so insane, they can and most likely will make the audience giggle. Overall though, most of the humor, unfortunately, brings only minor chuckles. This may be because Tom Lennon is meant to be the principal source of comedy, and for the most part, his shtick as a fake Australian outdoorsman just doesn't work and most his jokes are wildly bad.

In some ways, there is a little bit of joy in thinking, "oh my god, I can't believe they made this movie and got all these people to do it." Was this because of contractual obligations? Was it a bunch of people doing favors for friends? Or was it, as Ron Perlman put it on his Twitter page, purely a labor of love? Michael Shannon playing the town nice guy is honestly a questionable choice, even though we love and appreciate him so much as an actor. He very well may be a nice guy in real life, but he has spent most his career playing villains and has a resting look on his face that says "if you aren't careful, I will slit your throat while you sleep and I might even hum a ditty while I do it." There's a reason he plays baddies: because he does it so well. Don't get us wrong, he's fine here, but we think he's just a bit miscast. Bigfoot being real we can believe, but Michael Shannon being the town sweetheart may be asking us to suspend our disbelief a little too much.

This movie is quite literally all over the place. We never thought we'd have to review a Christmas movie where furries play a central part of the theme, but here we are, reviewing "Pottersville." We're not kink-shaming in the slightest, but the topic doesn't exactly scream "yuletide cheer," now does it? It's truly a wonder how this movie got made, but we certainly cannot say we hated it. It's got its problems and its goofiness, but if you can set all of that aside, you might enjoy this movie.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ---%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

Movie Review: "The Star Wars Holiday Special" (1978)

Image Source

Movie: "The Star Wars Holiday Special"

Director: Steve Binder
Year: 1978
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 37 minutes

Han Solo tries to get Chewbacca home to Kashyyyk so he can spend 'Life Day' with his family.

We are huge "Star Wars" fans. If you've ever wondered if there's a "Star Wars" movie that the fans of the series should avoid at all costs, look no further than "The Star Wars Holiday Special," a made-for-TV movie that aired around Christmastime in 1978. The main cast appears in the film including Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Peter Mayhew, Anthony Daniels, and the voice of James Earl Jones, who all reprise their roles from "Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope." This movie is directed by Steve Binder, who directed many television specials prior to this one. What this movie is supposed to be about is Chewbacca trying to return to his home planet of Kashyyyk to spend "Life Day" with his family. Life Day is what we assume to be the Wookie version of Christmas. What this movie actually winds up being about is Chewbacca's family sitting at home waiting for him to get back while they watch various things on various screens as a few famous-at-the-time stars who weren't too busy doing anything else perform skits that have nothing to do with "Star Wars." A few of the other big names that appear in this special are Art Carney, Harvey Corman, Bea Arthur, Diahann Carroll, and Jefferson Starship because you know, STAR Wars, spaceSHIP... that's seriously the closest thing we could come up with to connect any these people to a galaxy far, far away.

We had heard that this movie was bad. We figured, how bad could it really be? We have watched countless bad movies like "Manos: Hands of Fate," "Heaven's Gate," and "Catwoman" all in the name of cinematic masochism. Hell, we just saw "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" for our Christmas marathon! But, nothing could have adequately prepared us for what we were about to witness. We hoped this would be a "so bad, it's good" type of experience like what happened when we viewed "Troll 2" or "Samurai Cop," and at first, this was almost the case. The feature starts out with Han Solo trying to get Chewbacca home before cutting to Chewie's family hanging out waiting in their tree house. They are 'talking' to each other, and as fans of "Star Wars" know, Wookies often sound like wounded animals struggling to survive. So here, we have a room full of Wookies screaming at each other. At first, it was a little funny, until we realized at some point about 20 minutes into the film that this was going to be continuing the whole movie. Sometimes Chewie's father Itchy, his mother Malla, and his son Lumpy watch some form of entertainment. For example, Chewbacca's son watches some weird precursor to Cirque du Soleil, and Chewbacca's father uses what seems to be a VR porn fantasy machine where Diahann Carroll sings a song about his inner fantasies. And speaking of songs, there are a lot of them, performed by Carroll, Jefferson Starship, Bea Arthur, and even Carrie Fisher. These tunes are interwoven with little interludes of Chewbacca's wife having a video call with Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Art Carney. The charm wears off really quickly and it's clear nobody was happy to be participating in this thing. Harrison Ford had no intent on hiding his disdain. The only thing that sticks with us about this movie is that Chewbacca was a terrible father who abandoned his family to smuggle illegal goods, to fight in the Rebellion, and to fight for the Resistance without ever mentioning them ever again. It's easy to understand why people HATE this movie, and it's easy to see why Chewie never mentioned his family ever again. "The Star Wars Holiday Special" is atrocious.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 1.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 1.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 2.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 43%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964)

Image Source

Movie: "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"

Director: Nicholas Webster
Year: 1964
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 21 minutes

When the Martian leader notices something wrong with the children of his home planet, upon the advice of the Ancient One, he leads a mission to Earth to bring Santa Claus to Mars in order to make the children of Mars have a happy childhood.

Yes, this movie exists. Most people who are familiar with "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" most likely became aware of it after it was subjected to some riffing for an episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" back in the late 1980's. For the sake of this review, we watched this film in its original glory, without the aid of commentary from Crow, Tom Servo, and Joel. The film is directed by Nicholas Webster and is written by Glenville Mareth, based on a story by Paul L. Jacobson, both of whom only have this writing credit to their name. It stars John Call as Santa Claus, who is captured and taken to Mars so he can bring joy to the unhappy children who reside there. Martian children are never really afforded a childhood, and now, it's up to Santa to let them experience what it's like to be a kid. The majority of the cast consisted of relatively unknown actors, though it does feature Bill McCutcheon, who would have a small role in "Steel Magnolias" and a reoccurring appearance on "Sesame Street" as Uncle Wally. Also in the film playing a Martian child named Girmar is Pia Zadora, who would eventually have the honor of winning a Golden Globe and a Golden Raspberry for the same performance in the 1982 film "Butterfly."

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is a really low budget, cheesy sci-fi Christmas kids movie. Costumes involve snorkel masks painted green and mounted upside-down on helmets, a copper gas line, some green tights, a couple of radio antennas, and a Whammo air blaster as the martian's weapon of choice. This movie is ridiculous from top to bottom, including a poorly written script and dialogue, a heavy reliance on and overuse of military stock footage, and mediocre acting, though John Call is really giving his performance as Santa his all and seems to be enjoying himself. From an acting, directing, story, and character standpoint, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is a bad movie. That being said, there is a little bit of joy to be found in how absurdly bad it is. It is probably a much better choice to let the MST3K guys help in aiding the outrageous comedy of it all. It would certainly make it a more tolerable experience. In the end, it is probably best to avoid this film in its original form.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**
**CLICK HERE to buy "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" on Blu-ray!!**

My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: 2.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 24%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" (2014)

Image Source

Movie: "A Merry Friggin' Christmas"

Director: Tristram Shapeero
Year: 2014
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 28 minutes

Boyd hates his father and hasn't seen him in years. He is forced to head home for Christmas when he learns his brother Nelson he wants him to be the godfather of his son. Nelson is having the baby's baptism on Christmas eve, and he wants Boyd and his family to be there to spend Christmas with their entire family.

We have said it before and we will say it again, we are suckers for a good Christmas movie. There are two different kinds of Christmas films: the ones that put you in the spirit of the holiday and make you feel warm and toasty inside, and the ones that do the exact opposite. You know the kind, the ones that are all about how families suck and how spending time with them is the worst thing imaginable. "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" is a movie that embodies these latter sentiments. The film is directed by Tristram Shapeero, who mainly directs episodes of various television shows but seems to have a pretty good track record there. It is written by Michael Brown, who has never written anything else... and now we know why. The movie stars Joel McHale as Boyd Mitchler who, despite being raised by a mean, alcoholic father, played by Robin Williams, manages to become a successful businessman who tries his best to be a great father. Boyd's brother Nelson, played by Clark Duke, wants Boyd to be the godfather of his son (even though the kid is not really his son) and wants to have the baby's baptism on Christmas Eve. This means Boyd is forced to take his entire family home to his parent's house for the holiday. To make matters worse, Boyd has forgotten his son's Christmas presents at home, and now he has to make an eight-hour road trip to go back and get them. With his father. And his brother. In a truck that's hauling porta-potties. A Merry Friggin Christmas indeed.

This movie is atrociously awful and mean-spirited as hell. It's one of those movies that's meant to be a slightly dark comedy but fails on every conceivable level. It winds up being a torturous, horrendous task to try and get through. "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" is an utterly nasty mess with no charm, wit, or humor to be found. The characters aren't likable in the slightest, and we really don't care about any of them or their task(s) at hand. The plot is predictable, cliche, and has an unearned, completely contrived ending that we saw coming before the movie even started. We are huge fans of the late great Robin Williams, but even he fails to bring the laughs here. Joel McHale can often have a sarcastic wit and self-deprecating appeal about him, but these traits are nowhere to be found in this messy turd of a movie. Lauren Graham and Candice Bergen are also in the film and hardly have anything to do except to get drunk and fall over while talking about their non-existent sex lives. The comedy involves the lowest hanging fruit jokes imaginable and never, not once, hit their mark. Running jokes include a drunk hobo Santa, a son-in-law who is a sex offender, and Nelson having PTSD after falling off a truck during basic training. Happy Holidays! The only part of "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" that made us happy is the end, not because it has a cheerful conclusion, but because it finally friggin' ended, meaning we would be able to shit talk this piece of crap garbage movie and discuss how much we hated it.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 16%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

Movie Review: "A Christmas Prince" (2017)

Image Source

Movie: "A Christmas Prince"

Director: Alex Zamm
Year: 2017
Rating: TV-PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

A reporter trying to get a story on the Prince of Aldovia poses as a tutor for his little sister so she can get the inside scoop on the prince. As the reporter gets closer and grows more fond of the prince, she has to decide what's more important, her story or her feelings for the prince and the royal family.

Just when you think the Hallmark channel has the market on sappy Christmas romances cornered, Netflix swoops in with "A Christmas Prince" and tries to snag yet another movie market. This film is directed by Alex Zamm, who seems to specialize in directing crappier sequels to already crappy kid's movies. A few examples of his work are "Inspector Gadget 2," "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2," "The Tooth Fairy 2," "Jingle All the Way 2," and "Dr. Doolittle: Million Dollar Mutts," which is shockingly the fifth installment in that franchise. It's really quite the resume. "A Christmas Prince" stars Rose McIver as Amber, a junior editor at a celebrity gossip and style magazine who is getting her first assignment as a journalist. She is sent to Aldovia to cover the coronation of Prince Richard, played by Ben Lamb, who has a reputation for being a bit of a playboy. Her boss hopes she can get a scandalous story as it's rumored Richard might abdicate the throne. Determined to get the inside scoop, Amber winds up posing as Princess Emily's new tutor. She becomes friends with Emily, played by Honor Kneafsy, and catches the eye of Prince Richard. Now, she must choose: does she do her job and get a scandalous story, or does she see where her blossoming relationship with Richard and friendship with Emily go? What's a woman to do?! IT'S JUST SO RELATABLE!!!!!!

As one might expect, "A Christmas Prince" is cliche, predictable, and loaded with endless amounts of schmaltz. Amber is about as boring and bland as Wonder Bread with no seasonings. She is like a female Alexander Skarsgård. The prince is thought to be a jet-setting playboy that leads an exciting and adventurous life, but he's secretly just as boring as good ol' Amber. Why travel the world with all the privileges of a prince's life? No, no, he prefers practicing archery and riding his horse to his father's secluded hunting cabin so he can sit and be along and do nothing. This makes them perfect for each other! If at the outset of "A Christmas Prince" you guessed Amber would fall for the prince and vice versa, you are probably right. If you guessed that there would be a conflict and a big secret reveal, you are probably right. If you guessed she would fall off her horse while riding in the woods and be attacked by wolves so the prince can save her "Beauty and the Beast" style, you're surprisingly probably right. This movie literally does nothing different with the genre, and frankly, we didn't expect it to reinvent the wheel. For many viewers, this sappy bit of joyful schmaltz is just what the doctor ordered to get you in the Christmas spirit. In many ways, this contrived mess does do the trick, even though every bit of emotion is forced and we see the ending coming from a light year away. In the end, "A Christmas Prince" isn't a good movie, but it may be one you can have a little fun with if you like something with this much mawkishness or are drunk enough to appreciate it.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ---%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

Movie Review: "Get Santa" (2014)

Image Source

Movie: "Get Santa"

Director: Christopher Smith
Year: 2014
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 42 minutes

After Santa crashes his sleigh and loses his reindeer, he is arrested trying to steal his reindeer back from the local animal shelter. Now, it is up to an ex-con and his son to save Christmas by breaking Santa out of prison.

Well, it looks like Christmas needs to be saved once again. Whether it be Scott Calvin, Buddy the Elf, or Ernest P. Worrell, Christmas sure needs a lot of saving. This time, it is up to an ex-con named Steve and his son, played by Rafe Spall and Kit Conner. "Get Santa" is written and directed by Christopher Smith, who is more known for directing R-rated horrors and dramas than family films. When Santa, played by Jim Broadbent, crashes his sleigh and loses his reindeer, he goes to get help from Steve because Steve saw him once as a child. Random. Steve blows him off at first, but after Santa winds up in prison trying to steal his impounded deer back from an animal shelter, Steve finally decides to help after his son insists on it. So, what else is there to do? They must break Santa out of prison. You would think that Santa would have had an opportunity to post bail, but we guess that wouldn't be much of a movie now would it?

"Get Santa" is an entirely formulaic family Christmas comedy. It is a very disposable holiday film that has just a bit a silliness and not much else. It will be quickly forgotten by all who watch it. Some of the jokes in this film do work well within the context of the story, mainly those involving dry and witty one-liners and a few situational moments. The rest of the humor consists of the typical toilet humor that will appeal to the children in the crowd such as reindeer who communicate through farts and Santa fighting off the police by shooting a machine gun that shoots reindeer poop at them. "Get Santa" also seems to borrow a couple jokes from a few of the more well known Christmas comedies. The film has a good cast and the acting is serviceable. Unfortunately, the story doesn't really make a whole heck of a lot of sense and the narrative seems a bit all over the place. The pacing certainly drags at some points, and though this movie isn't very long, it could have certainly been shorter by cutting out a bit of filler (maybe five or six less farting reindeer jokes?). In the end, there are many better holiday films out there, and you may be better off re-watching one of those instead of subjecting yourself to a low-level family flick like "Get Santa."

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 77%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

Movie Review: "Prancer" (1989)

Image Source

Movie: "Prancer"

Director: John D. Hancock
Year: 1989
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour, 43 minutes

A little girl finds an injured reindeer that she believes to be Prancer, a member of Santa's sleigh team. She nurses it back to health and unintentionally revives the Christmas spirit in her entire town.

Christmas is all about love, believing in the impossible, and approaching the holidays with the heart of a child. These are also the themes of John D. Hancock's film "Prancer." It is written by Greg Taylor, who has spent a good chunk of his career writing Christmas movies, films like "The Christmas Box," "The Christmas Wish," and "Santa and Pete," among others. The film stars Rebecca Harrell Tickell as Jessica, a young girl who really, truly believes in Christmas and in Santa Claus. She finds an injured reindeer she believes to be the actual Prancer from Santa's sleigh team. She takes it home to her family's farm to nurse it back to health, unbeknownst to her father John, played by Sam Elliot, who is having a few issues of his own as he struggles to keep their farm afloat. When Jessica's secret gets out, it reignites the spirit of Christmas in her entire small town.

"Prancer" is a film that focuses on the innocence of a child and their faith in Christmas that inspires others. It is a cute family drama that ventures into schmaltzy territory on several occasions. Rebecca Harrell Tickell is adorable enough, though some of the things that are supposed to make her cute and endearing get a little grating and annoying over time, at least to us. Sam Elliott plays a stereotypical Sam Elliott-style role: a gruff cowboy type who doesn't take kindly to emotion because he needs to work to keep his mind off of the tragedy in his life. And speaking of tragedy, what's up with dead parents during Christmas movies? It's so the opposite of everything that's good and Christmasy. But we get it, family and togetherness and appreciation and all that jazz. As these characters go through the story, they are each changed in some way and learn valuable life lessons about love, family, togetherness, and most importantly, the spirit of the season.

"Prancer" has a few goofy moments that fit into the family film formula, but it also deals with a few more mature themes as well. The pacing of the movie can be a bit slow and it definitely drags and gets repetitive in a couple of places. It also has some little gags that are charming and made us chuckle. In the end, there is enough Christmas jolly to go around, and "Prancer" can leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy. Any movie that will put you in the proper state of mind at Christmastime is worth a watch during the yuletide season.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 67%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "I'll Be Home for Christmas" (1998)

Image Source

Movie: "I'll Be Home for Christmas"

Director: Arlene Sanford
Year: 1998
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 26 minutes

A student named Jake is attending the Palisades Academy in California. He has promised his dad he'll come home to New York for Christmas for the first time since his mother passed away. In exchange for coming home, his father promises to give him his old classic Porche if he makes it back by 6:00 pm on Christmas Eve. When Jake gets left in the middle of nowhere without a ride, this task becomes seemingly impossible.

Sometimes, late at night, usually after a half-dozen margaritas, one's mind may drift to thinking about life's big questions. Does God exist? Is there life on Mars? Whatever happened to one-time child actor Jonathan Taylor Thomas and why didn't he ever go on to bigger and better things? Then, one evening, you find yourself searching for stuff to watch on Hulu and stumble across a movie like "I'll Be Home for Christmas" and it all becomes very clear. You realize, even without a half-dozen margaritas, that JTT really wasn't a very good actor and that having a baby face and a voice that matched it is probably why his career didn't have any longevity.

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" is directed by Arlene Sandford, who is best known for directing "A Very Brady Sequel," as well as a bunch of television shows. The film stars the aforementioned Jonathan Taylor Thomas who plays Jake, a student attending the Palisades Academy in California, far, far away from his hometown in New York. He hasn't been back for Christmas since his mother passed a few years earlier. His father wants to see him, but Jake doesn't think he can make it home... that is until his dad promises to give him his classic Porche if he makes it home for Christmas Eve dinner by 6pm. Unfortunately, after upsetting a group of football players, Jake gets dumped in the middle of the desert in a Santa costume with no ride and no way to get home. Joining JTT is Jessica Beil as his girlfriend Allie, Adam LaVorgna as his rival Eddie, and Gary Cole as his father.

We love Christmas movies, but in our effort to find all of the good ones, we have certainly come across plenty of bad ones. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" definitely falls into the latter category because it is simply a bad Christmas movie. There are many holiday films that aren't great but still manage to be charming enough with likable enough characters that make for a schmaltzy, festive viewing. This, however, is a movie about a selfish, unlikable little shit of a main character who is meant to learn a lesson and have a real character arc, but never comes about one naturally. He remains his old selfish self until the contrived script needs him to learn whatever lesson he is supposed to learn. Most of the comedy here just doesn't land and consists mainly of pratfalls and dog farts. Maybe the stuff discussed in this movie was more humorous and relevant in the 1990's, but in 2017, nah dawg. Though there is an occasional double-entendre that does work, these moments are a bit surprising to be found in a PG-rated kids movie (though the 90's were certainly more lenient time). As we mentioned, the acting is really bad but not from just Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Nobody gives a good performance. Everyone's acting feels stiff and forced. Nothing at all feels natural in the slightest. Maybe we should cut them a break because it was early in their careers.

Many kids who grew up in the 1990's will love "I'll Be Home for Christmas," but we thought it was a waste of time. It's one of those movies that are better off forgotten unless you have some misplaced nostalgia because of your crush on teen heartthrob Jonathan Taylor Thomas. It's a little bit cheesy, but it has terrible writing, terrible acting, and an unearned ending.

**CLICK HERE for a FREE 30 DAY TRIAL of AMAZON PRIME!!**

**CLICK HERE to ORDER the ALL NEW Amazon Fire HD 10 Tablet!!**

My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 23%
Do we recommend this movie: No.