Saturday, July 29, 2017

Movie Review: "The Emoji Movie" (2017)

Director: Tony Leondis
Year: 2017
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 26 minutes

Emojis are only supposed to be one thing: their designated emoji. A "meh" emoji named Gene, who can change his emotions, seeks out help from a hacker in order to make him a normal "meh." Meanwhile, the head of the emojis, Smiler, sees Gene as a glitch and wants him deleted.

"The Emoji Movie" is the latest attempt at a blatant cash grab from Sony Pictures Animation. It stars the voice "talents" of T.J. Miller, Anna Faris, James Corden, and Maya Rudolph. All of these "actors" received a paycheck for their "efforts," and we hope said paychecks were substantial because they may be the last ones they ever get. These actors all play emojis, who are only supposed to do their assigned emoji thing, everyone except for Gene, played by Miller, who is essentially Divergent and has all of the emoji emotions. Just like in "Divergent," "The Emoji Movie" has a plot that revolves around the notion that if someone is more than one thing, they are a danger to society and must be eliminated until they discover their true selves, blah blah blah.

This movie is πŸ’© and we're not exaggerating. We sat in the theater looking like this 😐, then like this 😑, and finally like this 😠. We really wanted to be like πŸ˜‚, but we couldn't even muster a πŸ™‚. Please don't waste yourπŸ’²on this piece of πŸ—‘.

This movie (if we can actually call it a movie) is criminally unfunny and unbearably boring. It is so poorly written that a whopping zero of the jokes land. The animation is ugly. The editing is terrible. There is almost no enthusiasm in the voice over work. It has the same generic message about being true to yourself, even if you're different. We've seen this message hundreds of times in hundreds of other films. The only reason this feature exists is to deliberately separate moviegoers from their money. It offers little in return, just 90 minutes worth of app commercials. We kid you not: it's basically one long extended advertisement for apps like Dropbox, Spotify, Twitter, Candy Crush, and Just Dance.

The 20+ people in the crowd during our screening had no reactions to anything during this movie. None. Zero. Zip. We all sat in relative silence, except for the two annoying kids directly behind us who talked its entire run time. If we're being honest, we preferred their chatter to "The Emoji Movie" because it was far less painful. This movie sucks. It truly is one of the worst movies of 2017. Please do not give this piece of πŸ’© movie your money or your time, and if you have young children, don't subject them to this torture. Our YouTube video says it all:

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: ~1.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~6%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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