Monday, December 18, 2017

Movie Review: "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" (2014)

Director: Tristram Shapeero
Year: 2014
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 28 minutes

Boyd hates his father and hasn't seen him in years. He is forced to head home for Christmas when he learns his brother Nelson he wants him to be the godfather of his son. Nelson is having the baby's baptism on Christmas eve, and he wants Boyd and his family to be there to spend Christmas with their entire family.

We have said it before and we will say it again, we are suckers for a good Christmas movie. There are two different kinds of Christmas films: the ones that put you in the spirit of the holiday and make you feel warm and toasty inside, and the ones that do the exact opposite. You know the kind, the ones that are all about how families suck and how spending time with them is the worst thing imaginable. "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" is a movie that embodies these latter sentiments. The film is directed by Tristram Shapeero, who mainly directs episodes of various television shows but seems to have a pretty good track record there. It is written by Michael Brown, who has never written anything else... and now we know why. The movie stars Joel McHale as Boyd Mitchler who, despite being raised by a mean, alcoholic father, played by Robin Williams, manages to become a successful businessman who tries his best to be a great father. Boyd's brother Nelson, played by Clark Duke, wants Boyd to be the godfather of his son (even though the kid is not really his son) and wants to have the baby's baptism on Christmas Eve. This means Boyd is forced to take his entire family home to his parent's house for the holiday. To make matters worse, Boyd has forgotten his son's Christmas presents at home, and now he has to make an eight-hour road trip to go back and get them. With his father. And his brother. In a truck that's hauling porta-potties. A Merry Friggin Christmas indeed.

This movie is atrociously awful and mean-spirited as hell. It's one of those movies that's meant to be a slightly dark comedy but fails on every conceivable level. It winds up being a torturous, horrendous task to try and get through. "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" is an utterly nasty mess with no charm, wit, or humor to be found. The characters aren't likable in the slightest, and we really don't care about any of them or their task(s) at hand. The plot is predictable, cliche, and has an unearned, completely contrived ending that we saw coming before the movie even started. We are huge fans of the late great Robin Williams, but even he fails to bring the laughs here. Joel McHale can often have a sarcastic wit and self-deprecating appeal about him, but these traits are nowhere to be found in this messy turd of a movie. Lauren Graham and Candice Bergen are also in the film and hardly have anything to do except to get drunk and fall over while talking about their non-existent sex lives. The comedy involves the lowest hanging fruit jokes imaginable and never, not once, hit their mark. Running jokes include a drunk hobo Santa, a son-in-law who is a sex offender, and Nelson having PTSD after falling off a truck during basic training. Happy Holidays! The only part of "A Merry Friggin' Christmas" that made us happy is the end, not because it has a cheerful conclusion, but because it finally friggin' ended, meaning we would be able to shit talk this piece of crap garbage movie and discuss how much we hated it.

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 16%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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