Movie Review: "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" (1971)

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Movie: "Bedknobs and Broomsticks"

Director: Robert Stevenson
Year: 1971
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour, 57 minutes

Three siblings who have been displaced from London because of WWII are sent to live in a more rural part of the country. They are re-homed with a woman who turns out to be a witch and is looking for a specific spell to help the war effort.

War, witches, and toe-tapping jingle jangle songs. That's what you can expect in the family adventure musical "Bedknobs and Broomsticks." It is directed Robert Stevenson, who was a go-to director for many live-action Disney classics like "Old Yeller," "Darby O'Gill and the Little People," "The Absent-Minded Professor," "The Love Bug," and "Mary Poppins," just to name a few. The screenplay is written by Bill Walsh and Don DaGradi and is adapted from the books "The Magic Bedknob" and "Bonfire and Broomsticks" by Mary Norton. It stars Angela Lansbury as Eglantine Price, a woman who lives by herself out in the country and is learning witchcraft through a correspondence course from Professor Emelius Browne (David Tomlison). With World War II in full swing, many children from the city are being displaced, and Miss Price has reluctantly accepted three siblings, Charlie (Ian Weighill), Carrie (Cindy O'Callaghan), and Paul (Roy Snart), into her home. Miss Price has been hoping to receive a spell that will help with the war effort, but when it doesn't arrive, she takes the children on an adventure to track it down.

This is a fun and magical adventure that may be closely equated to "Mary Poppins." It has the same kind of look and the same kind of feel, right down to a mid-film animated sequence. This makes more sense when you realize not only are both titles from Disney, they are also both from the same writers and directors. In that aspect, you could call this a little formulaic. Angela Lansbury herself said that her performance was constrained by the by-the-numbers approach Stevenson and Disney took in creating this film. That being said, we still feel like there is enough different stuff here to offer up a good, worthwhile viewing experience. Most the music is enjoyable and catchy, though, like most musicals, there is an act two dance sequence that carries on for far too long. The sequence starts with the song "Portobello Road" (one of the better numbers in the movie) until it carries on four and half minutes more with its associated and unnecessary dance number. Of course, this may be limited to the reconstruction cut which is about 20 minutes longer than the theatrical version. To us, it seems a bit unnecessary for the story that's being told here. The performances are solid, the music is good, and we love the final showdown that puts Miss Price and her magic against a recon group of Nazi soldiers in one of the most Disney-friendly war scenes imaginable.

"Bedknobs and Broomsticks" may not be as iconic as "Mary Poppins," but it still provides a fun experience for viewers young and old.

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My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 63%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Movie Review: "7 Days in Entebbe" (2018)

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Movie: "7 Days in Entebbe"

Director: José Padilha
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 47 minutes

A group of terrorists hijack an Air France plane and fly it to Entebbe, Uganda where passengers are taken hostage as the "revolutionaries" demand the release of their fellow "freedom fighters" from Israeli prisons.

Apparently, the best way to explain serious sociopolitical issues like terrorism, the Israel/Palestine conflict, and the Holocaust is through interpretive dance. That appears to be the belief of "7 Days in Entebbe" director José Padilha. Padilha is best known for directing the 2014 remake of "Robocop," as well as a couple episodes of the Netflix series "Narcos." The screenplay is written by Gregory Burke, who was nominated for a BAFTA for his work on the film "'71." "7 Days in Entebbe" is based on true events that took place in 1976, though it admittedly fudges a few facts, conversations, and characters for dramatic effect. The film stars Daniel Brühl and Rosamund Pike as German terrorists Wilfried Böse and Brigitte Kuhlmann. They have joined a terrorist group (though they call themselves "freedom fighters") who fights against Israel's occupation of Palestine. They claim Israel is a fascist government that is doing to the Palestinian people what the Nazis did to the Jews during WWII. These two Germans, along with fellow terrorists from Palestine, hijack an Air France plane that initially took off from Tel-Aviv (though they personally boarded in Greece). They take the plane to Entebbe, Uganda where they keep the passengers as their hostage (thanks to dictator Idi Amin's hospitality) and demand that the Israeli government negotiate for their release. Meanwhile, the Israeli defense minister (Eddie Marsan) is planning a risky military operation that could free the hostages and kill the terrorists as well as prevent negotiations.

 Even if you have a decent political message, hijacking a plane full of people and taking them hostage automatically puts you on the wrong side of the argument. (Image Source)

We have seen our fair share of movies about terrorism and hostage situations. These types of films are naturally very intriguing and can even be a little thrilling. Unfortunately, this is not true for "7 Days in Entebbe." This movie is a complete slog. It is flat out boring. There's nothing the actors can do to make it better despite giving solid performances. We were never pulled into the story at any point. It's an interesting take to dedicate so much time to trying to let the audience understand the point of view of the terrorists. Burke and Padilha are of the mindset that stories aren't always so black and white, that there are valid points to be made on both sides. Still, one side involves kidnapping civilians and threatening people's lives, which automatically puts them on the shit side of the equation. Any retaliation against these awful people would be justified and applauded no matter what their motivations or point of view. The intended message seems to be that without negotiation, there can be no peace. What plays out on the screen, however, is that military force and strategic planning, along with shooting terrorists in the head, is what actually saves the day, not peace talks and negotiations.

Training, sans dancing. (Image Source)

Another big problem we have with "7 Days in Entebbe" is its constant use of interpretive modern dance as an unnecessary plot device. It is used multiple times throughout the movie. In the first few seconds, we are greeted by a dance that includes a female dancer falling on her face repeatedly as part of its choreography. Meanwhile, there is important text on the screen that sets up the political climate and situations that led to the hijacking of the Air France plane. BigJ nearly forgot to read this information because the dancing was so damn distracting. Later, this same dance sequence is interwoven with the climactic assault as Israeli soldiers ambush the terrorists under the cover of night. This juxtaposition never works. It serves no purpose and is grating and irritating to sit through over and over.

Oh yeah, Idi Amin plays a minor role in this movie, but he comes and goes infrequently. (Image Source)

Daniel Brühl and Rosamund Pike, hell, just about every actor in this movie is better than this. We almost feel like there's a better movie hidden somewhere on the cutting room floor but this final version is so bad that we don't care enough to see it. If there is a documentary about this subject matter, watch that instead of the boring slog that is "7 Days in Entebbe."

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My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: ~5.4/10
RT Rating: ~23%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Movie Review: "Pacific Rim Uprising" (2018)

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Movie: "Pacific Rim Uprising"

Director: Steven S. DeKnight
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

Jake Pentecost, son of Stacker Pentecost, makes a living stealing Jaeger parts from scrap yards and selling them on the black market. After being caught by the Pan Pacific Civil Defense Corp (PPCD), he is given an ultimatum by his sister Mako: he must either rejoin the PPCD or go to prison. Jake resumes his position as a Jaeger pilot and must help train a group of new recruits that may have to face off against any new threats should they arise.

We really liked the first "Pacific Rim" and enjoyed seeing giant robots facing off against big Kaiju in hand-to-hand combat interlaced with the imaginative visual stylings of Guillermo del Toro. "Pacific Rim Uprising," however, is not directed by Guillermo del Toro. It is directed by Steven S. DeKnight. This is his first time directing a feature film as all of his previous work has been for television shows like "DareDevil," "Spartacus," and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." DeKnight also helped write the film with T.S. Nowlan (author of "The Maze Runner" series) and Kira Snyder and Emily Carmichael, who have only written television or short films. This sequel picks up several years after the events of the original. The Kaiju have not returned after they were killed off and many cities around the globe are thriving once again. The most notable exceptions are a few coastal communities, which have never recovered. These communities are populated by squatters, many of whom steal retired Jaeger parts and sell them on the black market. One of these squatters is Jake Pentecost (John Boyega), the son of famed Jaeger pilot Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) and brother of the legendary Mako Mori (Rinko Kikuchi). Jake is caught salvaging Jaeger parts by the Pan Pacific Civil Defense Corp (PPCD) and is given a choice by his sister, who is now a high ranking official: he can either rejoin the corp or go to jail for his crimes. Jake must now help an old rival named Nate (Scott Eastwood) train new recruits in case of another Kaiju threat.

LET'S! NAME! ROBOTS! (Image Source)

We were sort of looking forward to this movie but approached it with very tepid expectations. None of the trailers pulled us in, and quite honestly, we didn't think there needed to be a sequel at all. Sadly, "Pacific Rim Uprising" fails to reach our very low bar. We will say John Boyega has a good screen presence and offers the best performance he can with the material he is given. The visuals and CGI are super cool looking. The Jaegers and the Kaiju look awesome and have many new gadgets and bells and whistles, however unnecessary they may be. The final climactic battle is entertaining and is well constructed.

The camera is almost always tilted in this movie for no purpose whatsoever. (Image Source)

Beyond that, the story itself is awful. It's not that we expected a completely enthralling story with punchy Sorkin-esque dialogue, but we did at least hope to get a coherent narrative with a clear thread that runs through the whole thing. The acting outside of Boyega isn't good at all. When Scott Eastwood first appears, he is trying so desperately to play a hard-nosed badass, but his performance just comes off as forced and effortful. We don't believe him in this role for one second despite sharing his father's piercing, intimidating eyes. Also, what they have done with Burn Gorman and Charlie Day's characters in this second movie makes absolutely no sense. They have forsaken their core principles as characters. In fact, it's like every single plot point that was set up in the original is entirely abandoned in this new movie.

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The best phrase we can use to describe "Pacific Rim Uprising" is "mindless chaos." Some people will be pleased with the final product because all they want to see is cities getting wantonly destroyed by giant monsters beating up mecha robots. For us, that's all well and good, but when there are characters we don't give a shit about, a mystery that is extremely stupid, and a story that's an absolute clusterfuck on every conceivable level, said mayhem is just not enough. For the majority of the movie, we found ourselves bored. This is a useless sequel that is the cinematic equivalent of banging large spoons against a pot that you put on your head for just about 2 hours. It's clamorous noise with no life and no purpose. It's hard to say this sequel is a letdown since we didn't want it in the first place, but we love to be surprised when we go to the movies and we hoped that we would be wowed while watching this flick.

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My Rating: 4.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.0/10
RT Rating: ~45%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

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Movie Review: "A.I. Artificial Intelligence" (2001)

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Movie: "A.I. Artificial Intelligence"

Director: Steven Spielberg
Year: 2001
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 26 minutes

A robotics company has built an android child called David. It is said that it has the capability of love. David is a prototype and is given to a family whose son is in a medically induced coma. David bonds with his human mother, but when her biological son suddenly recovers, it causes strife in the house. As she increasingly fears for her son's safety, she abandons David in the forest and leaves him to fend for himself alone.

A passion project over 20 years in the making, "A.I. Artificial Intelligence" is directed by Steven Spielberg. It is based on the short story "Supertoys Last All Summer Long" by Brian Aldiss. This film was originally brought into conception by Stanley Kubrick in the late 1970's. Steven Spielberg was asked to direct the movie in 1985, but had a very busy schedule and convinced Kubrick to shoot it himself. The project got stuck in development hell, waiting for the day when technology would catch up with Kubrick's vision. It didn't officially start filming until August 2000 with Spielberg back at the helm more than a year after Kubrick's death in 1999.

This film stars Haley Joel Osment as David, an artificially intelligent android designed to unconditionally love whatever person it imprints on forever. The Swinton family has faced a horrible tragedy. Their young son is in a coma, and they have had to endure the possibility that he may never recover. Henry Swinton (Sam Robards) works for Cybertronics, and the company has given him a prototype 'David' to test out at home. His wife Monica (Frances O'Connor) eventually imprints David to herself, causing him to love her unconditionally. A short time later, Monica and Henry's biological son Martin (Jake Thomas) comes out of his coma and is returned home. This causes a sibling rivalry between the two boys who are constantly at odds and fighting over Monica's affection. Fearing for her son's safety, Monica goes to return David to Cybertronics where he will be destroyed, but can't bring herself to do it. Instead, she releases David into 'the wild' to fend for himself. Due to his imprinting, David's only hope is to one day be reunited with the human mother he loves so dearly.

"A.I. Artificial Intelligence" is probably best described as a cyberpunk version of "Pinocchio." David strives to be a real boy and longs to be loved by his human mother. The film asks philosophical questions about humanity and what it means to be alive. All of the artificially intelligent beings are designed with a certain purpose, but David's sole purpose is to love. As such, he can feel hatred and jealousy. This is by far the most interesting aspect of the film, and Haley Joel Osment gives a tremendous performance in this role. The movie is also visually stunning with special effects that look every bit as good today as the day they were shot, which is quite impressive considering it was made in 2001. Keep in mind, this is the same year "The Mummy Returns" was released and had a ridiculously gigantic CGI Dwayne "The Digital Scorpion" Johnson, which was dated before it ever hit theaters. Some movies that are released now don't look nearly as striking as "A.I." did almost two decades ago.

"A.I. Artificial Intelligence" is a little slow to start, but it gets really interesting in the second act. In fact, it becomes a borderline great movie as the third act reaches its climax. It would have remained great if it weren't for its happy, sappy ending during the coda. In some ways, this ending takes away David's humanity and shows a lack of capacity to grow beyond his initial programming. We may feel differently if and when we watch this in the future, but as it stands right now, we found the ending to overly schmaltzy despite its stunning visuals. While the acting, directing and cinematography are all very well done, the movie's final moments add a major flaw in an otherwise solid movie.

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My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~73%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Movie Review: "Sherlock Gnomes" (2018)

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Movie: "Sherlock Gnomes"

Director: John Stevenson
Year: 2018
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 26 minutes

Sherlock Gnomes investigates a series of garden gnome thefts across London with the help of his assistant Watson, Gnomeo and Juliet.

The formula for any Rocket Studios production is as follows: take a public domain character from British literature, slap the word 'Gnome' somewhere in the title, and turn it into a relatively inexpensive children's animated feature with no less than eight Elton John songs. "Sherlock Gnomes" is directed by John Stevenson, who also directed "Kung Fu Panda." The story is written by a committee of people, though sole credit for the screenplay belongs to "Tooth Fairy 2"-scribe Ben Zazove. It features the voice talents of Johnny Depp as the titular "Sherlock Gnomes," the greatest lawn ornament detective in the world. Joining him is Chiwetel Ejiofor as his underappreciated assistant Watson, as well as James McAvoy and Emily Blunt who reprise their roles as Gnomeo and Juliet from, well, "Gnomeo & Juliet." Gnome thefts plague London. Entire gardens worth of ornamental gnomes keep getting stolen home by home, including both Gnomeo and Juliet's families. With the help of Watson, Juliet, and Gnomeo, Sherlock must locate the missing gnomes before it's too late.

The original "Gnomeo & Juliet" had a surprisingly respectable box office return, earning $193 million on an estimated $56 million dollar budget. With gains like this, it's obvious to us that a sequel was inevitable. Not that we were clamoring for more gnomes, but why, pray tell, did it take seven years to produce a follow-up if the first flick was so successful? It may be because there was a switch in production and distribution companies. The first film was produced by Touchstone, and this sequel is produced by Paramount/MGM.

Let's start with the good. The best part of "Sherlock Gnomes" is the animation. It's extremely sharp for a movie with a modest $59 million budget. Some of the animated backgrounds and the people in them look almost photorealistic. We did manage to chuckle a couple of times, but that is about it. Pretty much everything else in this movie is bad. The story is predictable and unimaginably dull. If us adults were hardpressed to find any aspect of this movie interesting, then we'd imagine most children will find it tedious to watch as well. In fact, out of all the other people in the theater watching it with us, there was only one kid there with her mom, and they left about 15-20 minutes before it ended. Minus the few times we chuckled, most of the jokes are complete duds. Jokes get delivered left and right, and our audience remained absolutely silent (as they should). Most of the story consists of Gnomeo and Juliet arguing over and over and over and over, and if we know one thing about kids, it's that they love to see and hear adults arguing. All that arguing sure makes for a pleasant viewing experience!

We weren't expecting much from "Sherlock Gnomes," so we can't say we are disappointed. However, it even failed to live up to our very, very low expectations. We have to wonder what gnome-themed movie Rocket Studios will make next. Will it be "FrankenGnome"? "The Invisible Gnome"? "Gnomlet"? "Gnomthello"? "Sweeney Todd the Demon Gnome of Fleet Street"? "A Christmas Carol but With Gnomes"? What could it be!? To be honest, we don't care now, and we won't care in the future.

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My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 3/10
IMDB's Rating: ~4.7/10
RT Rating: ~19%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Movie Review: "Midnight Sun" (2018)

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Movie: "Midnight Sun"

Director: Scott Speer
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 31 minutes

Katie suffers from Xeroderma Pigmentosum. Because of her illness, she's only allowed to leave the house at night. The nights she does go out, she goes to her local train station and plays guitar outside. It is there that she runs into the boy of her dreams and falls in love with him, but over time, she is apprehensive about telling him about her condition.

Teardrops on poor, poor Katie's guitar. (Image Source)

Romance movies are par for the course in Hollywood, but romantic dramas featuring characters with terminal illnesses or rare diseases have become a genre unto themselves. We have seen this recurring theme for some time now. Whether characters are battling cancer like in "The Fault in Our Stars," SCID in "Everything, Everything," or Xeroderma Pigmentosum in "Midnight Sun," the latest film in this sub-genre, these stories are meant to make the audience "ooooh" and "awwwww" at their fairytale romances. The primary objective of films like these is to elicit a few tears out of the audience due to the mere thought of someone dying tragically young. Every so often, they get us hook, line, and sinker...not so much this time.

This is us thinking about all the things we could have been doing instead of watching "Midnight Sun." (Image Source)

"Midnight Sun" is directed by Scott Speer, who has helmed films like "Step Up Revolution" and "Status Update." The screenplay is written by first-time screenwriter Eric Kirsten, who adapted the story from the Japanese film "Taiyô no Uta." It stars Bella Thorne as Katie, a recent high school graduate who suffers from Xeroderma Pigmentosum (X.P. for short). This means any sunlight exposure could have fatal consequences for her. She has been homeschooled by her father Jack (Rob Riggle) her entire life and only has one friend named Morgan (Quinn Shephard). Katie has a crush on a boy named Charlie (Patrick Schwarzenegger), who she has watched skate by her window for years. ~*IF ONLY HE HAD LOOKED UP.~* On her graduation night, Katie heads to the train station where she plays her guitar and sings. By pure coincidence on that very night, Charlie happens to walk by, hears her singing, and immediately falls in love. After a few awkward interactions, they hit it off and start dating. Still, Katie doesn't want to tell Charlie about her illness which, *~shocker,~* will likely cause problems for them down the line.

You know what Katie's *not* telling Charlie? That she has to be home before sun-up or she will DIE. (Image Source)

We have seen dozens of movies with the same general premise as "Midnight Sun," including but not limited to the ones we mentioned in the above paragraph. Some of them are good ("The Fault in Our Stars," "Me Before You"), and others are awful. "Midnight Sun" definitely falls into the latter category. Movies about teenagers who have illnesses or diseases that are successful and well-made manage to be both touching and emotional. These films handle their protagonist's ailment with honesty and sincerity. "Midnight Sun" fails to do this on every conceivable level. It merely uses X.P. as a plot device to create conflict and drama between the two main characters. It doesn't actually convey the real problems and pains those who suffer from X.P. deal with on a daily basis. None of the emotions feel earned because of the terrible script and the stiff, unnatural acting from the two lead actors. It is painfully obvious that Bella Thorne and Patrick Schwarzenegger were only chosen to star in this film because of their looks, not for their acting abilities. Bella Thorne sounds drunk/stoned as she delivers most of her lines, and Patrick Schwarzenegger attempts to rival Alexander Skarsgård as "most Wonder Bread-iest actor" of all time. The movie's one saving grace is Quinn Shephard, who manages to give a halfway decent performance as Katie's (frequently discarded) friend Morgan.

Seriously, there is so much awkward singing in this movie. (Image Source)

"Midnight Sun" hits every romantic drama cliche in the book. It is completely predictable. Within the first few minutes, we knew exactly how it was going to end. We don't mean in general. We mean down to specific, exact plot points. It is that expected. This is a very sanitized story that just barely holds together so a couple of beautiful looking teenagers who would have an otherwise perfect existence can experience a little tragedy in their lives. A bad script, its awful dialogue, some stiff acting, and a predictable plot makes this teen drama a wet fart of a movie. You should absolutely skip this one if you are anywhere outside of its exact target audience demographic.

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My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.1/10
RT Rating: ~21%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Movie Review: "Cry-Baby" (1990)

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Movie: "Cry-Baby"

Director: John Waters
Year: 1990
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 25 minutes

A 'Drape' juvenile delinquent named Cry-Baby Walker falls for a 'Square' goody two shoes named Allison Vernon-Williams, who is tired of being good. The 'Square' community is not keen on the idea of a 'Drape' dating one of their girls.

He's the king, king Cry-Baby! "Cry-Baby" is written and directed by John Waters, who is responsible for films like "Hairspray" and the controversial "Pink Flamingos." It stars Johnny Depp as the titular Cry-Baby, a 'Drape' juvenile delinquent and poor orphan who can't help but be bad. Joining him is Amy Locaine as Allison, a 'Square' girl who likes bad boy Cry-Baby and is tired of being so good all the time. Cry-Baby also falls for Allison, but the two come from very different worlds and her Square friends and family will not accept Cry-Baby and his crew. Also in the film are Ricki Lake, Traci Lords, Polly Bergen, Iggy Pop, and Kim McGuire, just to name a few.

I grew up watching "Cry-Baby," so shout out to my parents for exposing me to the awesomeness that is this film. The weirdness of John Waters is definitely not for everyone. To tell you the truth, it isn't always for us. On this occasion, however, his writing and directing work out just fine. Like many of John Waters' films, "Cry-Baby" deals with class warfare, racism, and embracing people who are outsiders, people who live lives outside of socially common/acceptable norms. This story is all about the delinquent Drapes, who look like Rockabilly greasers from the 1950's. Despite their tendencies towards petty crime, they are more socially accepting of minorities, other groups, and people who look and act differently. Just be sure to ignore all of those Confederate flag decorations draping their events and parties. The Drapes face off against the Squares, the standard, wealthy W.A.S.P. college prep future frat boy/sorority girl crowd. Squares are not at all accepting of minorities and prefer segregation between people of different races and different income classes. When Allison and Cry-Baby get together, all hell breaks loose for these two groups.

Did we mention "Cry-Baby" is a musical? Because it is! Well, sort of. None of the actors actually sing (though Johnny Depp would go on to not only sing in a band but star in the movie version of Stephen Sondheim's musical "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"). All of the actors here are lip-syncing to music sung by other people, though this was actually common practice in many classic musicals. Some of the tunes are forgettable, but a good portion of them are catchy, memorable, and fantastic, especially our favorite song "Please, Mr. Jailer." This is not only the best song but also provides one of the best moments of the film including an enthusiastically dancing Polly Bergen. Despite the lip-syncing, all of the actors are wonderful in their roles as this rag-tag group of Drapes and Squares. Johnny Depp gives a fabulous performance in a role many decades before he hit his peak and sold out to the Disney machine.

"Cry-Baby" boasts a lot of offbeat humor and wit, as well as a solid though intentionally over the top performance by a young Johnny Depp. Like most of John Waters' films, this movie won't be for everyone, but we sure as hell love it.

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My Rating: 8/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.5/10
RT Rating: 73%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

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Movie Review: "Tomb Raider" (2018)

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Movie: "Tomb Raider"

Director: Roar Uthaug
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

Lara Croft has chosen to live a modest life despite being the heiress to an immense fortune. After receiving some new information, she goes on an adventure in search of her missing father, who vanished seven years earlier.

Movies based on video games have a ghastly reputation. We'd be hard-pressed to find more than one example that appeals to a general audience beyond the niche of hardcore gamers predisposed to like the final product. Will the new "Tomb Raider" film be any different? Let's see!

This film is directed by Roar Uthaug, a Norwegian director who has helmed the action films "Flukt" ("Escape") and "Bølgen" (aka "The Wave") in his home country. It is written by first-time screenwriter Geneva Robertson-Dworet, as well as Alastair Siddon (writer of the Michael Fassbender-led independent film "Trespass Against Us") and Evan Daugherty (writer of "Snow White and the Huntsman," "Divergent," and the Michael Bay-produced "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"). It stars Academy Award winner Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft and tells the origin story of this iconic video game heroine. Lara has spent the entirety of her adulthood living a modest lifestyle as she tries to make her own way in the world. She works as a bicycle courier and spends most of her free time training at a local MMA gym. Despite her simple lifestyle choices, she is actually the heiress to a massive fortune. Her father Lord Richard Croft (Dominic West) vanished seven years ago and is now presumed dead. Lara will receive his fortune if she signs the paperwork admitting that he is no longer living. Just as she's finally going to admit he's gone, Lara discovers a new piece of information that may lead her to the last known location of her father. Instead of accepting her inheritance, she scrounges up what little money she has and sets out on an adventure in search of her missing father.

We've always imagined "Tomb Raider" would be one of the easier materials to adapt from video game to feature film. It has been nearly two decades since either of us has played "Tomb Raider," game, but if we remember correctly, it's a simple adventure game about finding artifacts and unraveling mysteries with an occasional shootout/action scene. It sort of sounds like a modern-day Indiana Jones if Indiana Jones were a wealthy British woman. These games were adapted previously into the movies "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" and its sequel "Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life," both of which starred Angelina Jolie. These movies are extremely goofy and super over-the-top in their execution, dialogue, and storylines. In this take on the material, director Roar Uthaug and his team of writers take a more grounded approach to the franchise and slowly build Croft and her backstory while trying to develop her into a layered character who feels a little more human. Though there is a lot of talk of myths and legends, they do their best to keep the themes grounded in science and reality. This new version of "Tomb Raider" still ventures into over-the-top territory when it comes to its action sequences, which are still video game-esque but look much more polished than the ones seen in the 2001 and 2003 films. Lara often performs larger than life feats and survives deadly situations relatively unscathed, though she is not entirely uninjured or unmuddied, which we appreciate for the sake of believability.

This movie had a lot of built-in potential. There are glimmers of what could have been something good, not just "video game good," mind you, but actually "fun adventure movie good." Alicia Vikander is an Oscar-winning actress, so she can pretty much act well in anything. She does a fine job with what she's given, but what she's given ain't great. The biggest problem with the story is that it drags way too much and is needless over-dramatic. There are times when we were flat out bored with what was going on in the story. We also don't feel like the relationship between Lara and her father is developed enough for us to care if she found him or not. The main evil organization, Trinity, still remains mostly a mystery when the credits roll, and its intended purpose and interests are left purposefully vague in the hopes that this film would make enough money to get a sequel. We hate that shit. Make a movie, explain important things, and don't assume in this day and age you're going to automatically get a sequel if you make even a little bit of money (we're looking at YOU, Dark Universe). The main sub-boss villain, Mathias Vogel (Walter Goggins), is developed just enough where we can understand his motivations for doing the things he does. He is even a little sympathetic at times, though he is clearly off his rocker. Unfortunately, Goggins doesn't get much to do here, which is a shame because he has been such a menacing presence elsewhere.

In the end, "Tomb Raider" does have a couple moments of fun and excitement. It flirts with the idea that it could have been better than it is. Unfortunately, a cringe-worthy script, unanswered questions, and a mundane premise we've seen dozens of times before makes this movie pretty dang dull and derivitive. The narrative isn't quite strong enough to move it over the finish line and into "good" territory.

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My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.9/10
RT Rating: ~50%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

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Movie Review: "Love, Simon" (2018)

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Movie: "Love, Simon"

Director: Greg Berlanti
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 49 minutes

A closeted gay teenager who leads a simple life but is struggling with coming out connects with another gay teen online who grapples with the exact same issue.

Simon has a secret. (Image Source)

High school is hard enough as it is, but when you have a secret, and that secret is that you're gay, we can imagine it would be infinitely more difficult, especially if you're ever faced with people who aren't accepting. "Love, Simon" is directed by Greg Berlanti, who really doesn't direct movies all that often. He directed "Life as We Know It" back in 2008, and before that, "The Broken Hearts Club." The screenplay is written by Elizabeth Berger and Isaac Aptaker, who are both writers on the television drama "This is Us." It is based on the book "Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda" by Becky Albertalli. It stars Nick Robinson as the titular Simon, who describes himself as a normal high school senior. He has lots of friends (Katherine Langford, Alexandra Shipp, and George Lendeborg Jr.) and they do regular ol' high school things like drinking way too much coffee and binging on carbs at the Waffle House. Simon even likes his parents (Josh Duhamel and Jennifer Garner) and his little sister Nora (Talithia Eliana Bateman), who is an aspiring chef. There's just one thing. Simon has a huge ass secret: he is gay, nobody knows it, and he's not out. He's afraid to tell the people he loves about his secret because he doesn't want anything in his life to change.

Simon and his friends, sans coffee and carbs. (Image Source)

We can see a lot of people criticizing "Love, Simon" for being a little too John Hughes in its execution. The glossy upper-class suburban school with teachers who are unlike any you would encounter in real life. It's a bit overly sentimental and maybe even a little formulaic. Lucky for us, we can deal with sentimental and we love John Hughes movies. Beyond the glossiness, this teen romantic comedy is also a coming-of-age story that really hits at the spirit of its subject. It's one of the best coming-of-age stories we have seen in recent years.

It's true, you CAN like your family! (Image Source)

Through Greg Berlanti's direction and Nick Robinson's expert, mature, layered performance, we empathize with what Simon is going through and see how difficult it is for him to hide who he really is out of fear of change, judgment, or both. We feel for Simon and his struggle even though we have never had to experience something like this ourselves. Nick Robinson continues to impress us with his acting and he always offers such nuance in the characters he plays. We have no doubt he will continue to do amazing things in his career. We fell in love with Simon, as well as his friends, thanks to a wonderful supporting cast as well. Though Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel are limited to an occasional quip or a moment of charm, both of these actors get a monumental, powerhouse moment to shine that will bring the waterworks and make you wonder who's cutting onions in the back row. There are actually many instances that certainly brought tears to our eyes.

We sat through "Love, Simon" completely enthralled by its joy and humor. We were touched by its heart. We remembered what it felt like to fall in love. This is a movie that should be seen by people everywhere. Please don't let this movie slip by you. Please give it a chance.

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My Rating: 8.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 8/10
IMDB's Rating: ~8.0/10
RT Rating: 91%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

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Movie Review: "The Hurricane Heist" (2018)

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Movie: "The Hurricane Heist"

Director: Rob Cohen
Year: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 43 minutes

A group of thieves robs a Federal Reserve facility in Gulfport, Alabama during a category five hurricane, and only a treasury agent, meteorologist, and a repairman can stop them.

We've got a GREAT idea! Let's rob a Federal Reserve facility during a hurricane! It's the perfect plan! There is absolutely no variable within this that situation that could possibly cause a problem in our master scheme!

"The Hurricane Heist" is directed by Rob Cohen, whose more recent directorial efforts have been films like "Stealth," "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor," and atrocious "The Boy Next Door." It has a story written by the guys who brought us "Drop Dead Fred," including Scott Windhauser, who wrote "Cops and Robbers," and Jeff Dixon, whose biggest writing credit is "Zombies!" for Xbox Fitness. A force five hurricane is about to crash into the small town of Gulfport, Alabama, which just so happens to be the location of the most poorly protected Federal Reserve facility in the world. A group of well-trained and highly organized thieves plans to rob it during the hurricane. The only people who can stop them are Federal Treasury Agent Casey (Maggie Grace), a meteorologist named Will (Toby Kebbell), and his brother and repairman Breeze (Ryan Kwanten).

This is the second film we've seen in 2018 about a group of criminals who intend to rob a Federal Reserve bank. The first was "Den of Thieves," a crime thriller heist film that was much better than we expected it to be. Now, it's time for "The Hurricane Heist," the dumbed-downed, more action-based natural disaster heist movie no one asked for but we sure as shit got anyway. It's probably not a good sign when a script is a dumbed-down version being compared to a Gerard Butler movie. As we said above, this is the most unbelievably insecure Federal Reserve in existence. It seriously only has a dozen employees at most, and only a handful of these employees are security guards. They allow all kinds of outside contractors in and out of the building and not one of them appears to get a security check. This is honestly the least of our complaints, but it's a good start.

"The Hurricane Heist" knows it's a completely stupid, mindless, ridiculous action film because idiotic movies are director Rob Cohen's specialty. You know what you're in for when a gigantic skull appears within the clouds of a storm like it's a goddamn "Harry Potter" movie. The fact that the heisters' plan requires a hurricane in the first place is beyond bonkers. The plan will only work if there's a hurricane. Just let that notion truly sink in for a second. Toby Kebbell's Will frequently talks to the hurricane as if it were a real person. Will has a dedicated drawer in his humongous armored truck tank for his daily peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Characters engage in a shootout during a category five hurricane with gale force winds and shoot guns at trucks as every single bullet hits the said truck with precision-point accuracy. People tether themselves to objects and get sucked out of rooftops, dangling mid-air for several seconds and then peacefully landing without a scratch. Characters stop off at random houses to leave their young children IN THE MIDDLE OF A HURRICANE in order to tend to their trucks and make sure they are safe on the road. It's so goddamn dumb, and it makes no effort to hide this fact. Still, we weren't into it like we were with 2017's "Geostorm." DUTCHBOY OR BUST.

"The Hurricane Heist" is the perfect storm (GET IT?!!) of bad movies. The acting is bad, the accents are worse, and the story is downright terrible and riddled with plot holes. There are a couple of action scenes that are decent at best, though most of them will bring unintentional laughs rather than intrigue or excitement. We can absolutely see this being a cult classic and/or guilty pleasure movie for some people due to its wretchedness, but we couldn't even get to that point. There's no real need to see this movie in theaters (especially since the CGI is awful and will add little to no enjoyment on any type of screen or device), but judging by its box office totals thus far, most of you have already passed on it or probably don't even know it exists.

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My Rating: 3/10
BigJ's Rating: 2.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~4.8/10
RT Rating: ~43%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

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Movie Review: "Gringo" (2018)

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Movie: "Gringo"

Director: Nash Edgerton
Year: 2018
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

A middle-management employee of a pharmaceutical company who is in the midst of a personal crisis gets caught in the middle of a conflict between his bosses and the Mexican drug cartel over the formula for a marijuana pill.

Marijuana gummy bears, pot brownies, cannabis candies, dope vape fluid, and herb soft drinks (among other things) already exist in the world, so we can't possibly imagine that the formula for a weed pill would be all that valuable. "Gringo" is directed by Nash Edgerton, who has mostly directed short films and music videos up to this point. The screenplay was written by Anthony Tambakis, who wrote the excellent film "Warrior" and the not-so-excellent movie "Jane Got a Gun." It is co-written by Matthew Stone, no, not the co-creator of "South Park," but the writer of "Big Trouble," "Man of the House," and "Soul Men." It stars David Oyelowo as human doormat Harold Soyinka, who has recently learned that he is about to be bankrupt and will likely lose his job due to an upcoming merger with his firm. Harold has also just discovered his wife has been unfaithful. He works for a pharmaceutical company that has developed a weed pill called Cannabax. He and his bosses Richard (Joel Edgerton) and Elaine (Charlize Theron) are heading down to Mexico to check up on the operation. Unbeknownst to Harold, Richard and Elaine have been supplying the Mexican cartel with marijuana. When they try to cut the cartel off and Harold disappears, they start to worry that their upcoming merger is in serious jeopardy.

"Gringo" is an all over the place action crime dark comedy. The marketing for this movie played up the crazy comedy misadventures of marijuana angle, but unfortunately, the film isn't all that funny. This is not to say it is entirely devoid of humor because every so often, an occasional joke lands properly. We laughed a couple of times here and there, but it's not side-splittingly hilarious like we hoped it would be. The biggest problem with "Gringo" has to do with the characters, particularly Richard and Elaine, who are wholly unlikable in every manner of speaking. Nothing they do comes across as darkly humorous and their actions are only ever perceived as crass and full of dickishness. The story has a lot of threads and they don't exactly come together all that well. There is a storyline for Richard and Elaine, one for Harold and his problems, one for the ongoing threat from the cartel, one for a storyline featuring a random couple named Sunny and Miles (Amanda Seyfried and Harry Treadway) who are constantly running into Harold in Mexico, and lastly, the thread about a mercenary name Mitch (Sharlto Copley). It never feels like these stories are fully in sync. In fact, half of these plots feel like they are in a different movie entirely. One or two of these portions could have easily been cut out and the movie would have been a lot more clear and a lot more concise. Because of these extra threads, "Gringo" is just way too long and moves very slowly to its obvious conclusion. Luckily, we do like David Oyelowo even though he plays a total pushover, and Sharlto Copley is always good in everything when he gets to play a to-type oddball character. Honestly, this movie would have been a lot more successful if Copely and Oyelowo were the only two characters prominently featured.

While there are a couple of fun, entertaining moments of action-packed craziness, most of the time, the story being told in "Gringo" drags on and on with no end in sight. It feels aimlessly zany, and what we're left with when the dust settles is a mixed bag that winds up a bit more bad than good, plus two or three too many animal metaphors.

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My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~6.0/10
RT Rating: ~40%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

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Movie Review: "Thoroughbreds" (2018)

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Movie: "Thoroughbreds"

Director: Cory Finley
Year: 2018
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 32 minutes

An affluent teen named Lily and her friend Amanda, who lacks the capacity to feel emotions, hatch a plan to murder Lily's stepfather.

"Fucking evil kids!"

While watching "Thoroughbreds," a quote from "Titanic" popped into our heads: "I know what you're thinking, 'poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?'" This quote applies to one of the characters in this film just as much as it applied to Rose in 1997. "Thoroughbreds" serves as the writing and directing debut of Cory Finley. It stars Olivia Cooke as Amanda, a teenager who seems to lack the capacity to feel any and all emotions. She tends to look at things in a cold, calculated, logical manner and never factors how her actions will make herself or other people feel. Joining Cooke is Anya Taylor-Joy as Lily. Lily was Amanda's friend when they were kids, but has distanced herself from her after an incident which made Amanda a bit of a social pariah. Lily has recently started hanging out with Amanda again after initially being paid to do so by Amanda's mother. Through conversations with Amanda, Lily reveals her big problem. Lily can feel emotions and has a strong hatred towards her stepfather Mark (Paul Sparks). Amanda, casually and in the coldest, most unfeeling way possible, suggests that the only logical solution would be to murder him. Sounds like trouble.

This is a slow-burning dramatic thriller, perhaps a little too slow. Much of the story focuses on the relationship between Lily and Amanda, two teenagers with vastly different problems. Amanda feels too little and Lily feels way too much, though not in the most constructive way and not always about the right people. This film shows how things like affluence can lead to a lack of empathy for others. Lily has grown up here entire life coddled in every way imaginable. She leaves all of her problems, no matter how small, for other people to take care of and has never had to deal with any repercussions of her actions.

There are a lot of interesting visuals here, as well as many well framed, striking camera shots. We have no doubt director Cory Finley will do great things throughout his career. Also, the two leads do an excellent job in their respective parts. Olivia Cooke remains stoic as her role requires and Taylor-Joy gets to be a bit more nuanced and actually gets to show some emotion. This film also contains the final on-screen performance of Anton Yelchin, who tragically passed away in 2016. Even though he plays a relatively small part, he still gives an exceptional performance as the skeezy drug dealer with big dreams in mind for his future. Seeing Yelchin on the big screen one last time made us really sad knowing his talents will not be around any longer.

"Thoroughbreds" takes its time to get to its ultimate destination and builds slowly to its climax. This may be a problem for some viewers because slow pacing has a tendency to make a story feel boring at times. For us, there is enough here to keep us interested, though we will admit we were not fully riveted every single second of its runtime. This kind of pacing makes it feel longer than it is, though it's not really that long in the first place. There is a good atmosphere in the movie, but one thing it lacks is palatable tension. Like one of the main characters, it is missing some emotional oomph. Still, we think this movie is worth seeking out due to its wonderful direction and acting.

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My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.3/10
RT Rating: ~83%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Movie Review: "A Wrinkle in Time" (2018)

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Movie: "A Wrinkle in Time"

Director: Ava DuVernay
Year: 2018
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 49 minutes

A young girl, her friend, and her little brother travel with three universal entities across time and space to find her father, who is lost somewhere in the universe.

We have been looking forward to "A Wrinkle in Time" for quite a while now. Sometimes, anticipation is a good thing, and other times, that can only lead to disappointment. This film is directed by the wonderful Ava DuVernay, who is best known for directing "Selma" and the Oscar-nominated documentary "13th." It is written by Jennifer Lee and Jeff Stockwell and is adapted from the 1962 novel of the same name by Madeleine L'Engle. It stars Storm Reid as a young teenager named Meg Murry. Her father (Chris Pine) has been missing for four years. He was working on a theory that would allow someone to travel across space and through time using only their mind. He vanished when using his discovery for the first time, heading to a faraway place with no hope of ever returning. It turns out, Mr. Murry is in trouble and is lost in the universe. Now, three universal entities, Mrs. Who (Mindy Kaling), Mrs. Whatsit (Reese Witherspoon), and Mrs. Which (Opera Winfrey) have come to look for Meg and her genius brother Charles Wallace (Deric McCabe) and their friend Calvin (Levi Miller) to help them go on an adventure to find Mr. Murry. Also in the film is Gugu M'batha-Raw, though she really doesn't get much to do and is pretty much relegated to two scenes at the beginning and end.

"A Wrinkle in Time" is a classic story, one BigJ grew up reading. I, on the other hand, was not super familiar with the story but sure loved the trailers for this film. It is a tale that combines science and fantasy and tries to show the importance of both. It also attempts to explore the importance and value of love as well. The message of the movie is very focused on the 'importance of love' aspect. It details how toxic hate and anger can be, and we're all for spreading this well-intentioned message to kids because it's the absolute truth and needs to be said more often. The visuals are beautiful, especially the costume designs of the three Mrs. They are bright, colorful, glittery, fantastical, and vibrant, just like the movie itself. That being said, the constant continuation of this bold color palette sacrifices both atmosphere and mood because it feels very one-note when it comes to its visual tone and has little variation from place to place. Even the scenes in the dark world of Camazotz feel this way.

It's clear to us that director Ava DuVernay had a lot of dazzling effects and visual intricacies that she wanted to include here, but she forfeited a lot in the way of storytelling to get her ultimate final product. Flashy make-up and interesting visuals don't make a movie great, unfortunately. The narrative is a problem as there is no clear thread from beginning to end. It's borderline incoherent at times. Most of the dialogue is expository and explains who or what things are and where they go and how they got there. Some scenes feel like they don't even belong in the first place. There are a couple big action moments that feel superfluous and serve little purpose other than adding a big action sequence because there needed to be more pomp and circumstance. Finally, as everything was wrapping up, we couldn't help but feel underwhelmed by its ending. It feels unearned. Again, for a story about the importance and value of love and self-love, it doesn't have the emotional impact that we hoped for. It's actually amazing how a movie this splashy and vivid with such a pervasive message about love can feel so emotionally flat.

We feel "A Wrinkle in Time" had all the ingredients to be something special and it just didn't come together. We were very disappointed with the final product.

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My Rating: 4/10
BigJ's Rating: 4/10
IMDB's Rating: ~4.2/10
RT Rating: ~40%
Do we recommend this movie: No.

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Movie Review: "Jesus Christ Superstar" (1973)

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Movie: "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Director: Norman Jewison
Year: 1973
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour, 48 minutes

A rock opera re-telling of the final days of Jesus Christ. 

What better way to tell the story of Jesus Christ than through a surreal rock opera that is sung by hippies? "Jesus Christ Superstar" is directed by Norman Jewison, who helmed films like "In the Heat of the Night," "Fiddler on the Roof," and "Moonstruck." Jewison also helped write the screenplay along with Melvyn Bragg. It is, of course, a film adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber stage musical of the same name. The film mainly focuses on the relationship between Jesus Christ (Ted Neely) and Judas Iscariot (Carl Anderson) as Judas becomes increasingly more disillusioned with the way Jesus is handling himself and his followers. Judas is worried Jesus being viewed as a deity rather than a simple man with a message will bring trouble and death to him and his associates. The whole story is told to a blaring 70's rock soundtrack as every word in the entire production is sung.

We aren't religious people, but we can still appreciate a story like "Jesus Christ Superstar." It is shot in Israel but has a very surreal nature to it. Seeing modern objects like buses, tanks, and machine guns pop up in the story of Jesus is pretty wild. These images are obviously not meant to be taken literally. They are included as metaphors for man's propensity towards war and violence, things that are in a direct clash to the messages Jesus taught as a representative of peace and love. The play was released as America was becoming wary of the war in Vietnam, so it makes sense.

We really enjoyed this movie. Oddly enough, our favorite character is not Jesus, but Judas. Carl Anderson has an incredible voice and does a fantastic job portraying this conflicted character. That being said, Ted Neely is still very good in his own right as the titular character. We do like most of the music in this film, even though it is performed like an actual opera with constant singing rather than a traditional musical that switches between normal dialogue and the occasional song. Still, it never becomes tedious or monotonous in our opinion. There is enough variation in the music to differentiate the singing numbers and the tone that is trying to be portrayed. Many moments in "Jesus Christ Superstar" stand out to us as being memorable, but only one shines brightly above the rest. We are of course referring to Herod's musical number. It is so humorous and tonally different from the rest of the material that it makes it stand out in our minds. Josh Mostel does a splendid job in this small but extremely interesting part.

In the end, we think "Jesus Christ Superstar" is a good watch, even for those who aren't religious. We honestly had a great time watching it. It makes such stuffy material feel fresh, new, and a little more easily digestible when seen through a modern lens.

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My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 8/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.3/10
RT Rating: 56%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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