Monday, December 14, 2015

Movie Review: "Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever" (2014)

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Movie"Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever"
Director: Tim Hill
Year: 2014
Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour, 25 minutes

The pet store where Grumpy Cat (Aubrey Plaza) lives is about to go out of business, but it's saving grace lies in selling a million dollar dog. When a pair of garage band members decide to steal the dog for themselves, it put Grumpy Cat's home in jeopardy. With the help of her new friend, Grumpy Cat will stop the bumbling criminals and save the pet shop. 

This is why internet memes don't make good movies.

Grumpy Cat is adorable. Its mean little mug the hilarious comments attached to photos of it make for a good time. But that's it. There was no reason why Grumpy Cat needed a damn movie. This cheap holiday "Paul Blart" meets "Home Alone" knockoff is horrendously bad. We're embarassed to admit we watched this film. We've seen some bad movies in our time, but this one takes the cake. Aubrey Plaza voices the titular Grumpy Cat in one of the most obviously phoned in performances ever. In an effort to make the angry little cat seem sarcastic, it's obvious that Plaza, who we usually like just fine, merely read her lines in her worst voice possible. Beyond Aubrey Plaza, who naturally sounds like she doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone, every other performance in this film is terrible at best, so bad, in fact, we aren't sure it's even worth mentioning the names of those desperate actors so badly in need of a paycheck who took roles in this "movie." We're not exactly sure who the target audience for this so-called film is, but it's filled with slews of outdated references and some pathetic attempts at comedy. Grumpy Cat herself constantly breaks the fourth wall, addressing the audience by directly hawking her own merchandise from her online store or making fun of some stupid thing unrelated to the movie, or meowing annoyingly. It's very self-aware in that it knows it's a movie, completely with Grumpy Cat being as cynical as ever as she constantly make references how terrible the film is, even while it's going on. We get it, the cat is grumpy, but when the movie itself asks the audience "why are you still watching?," well, maybe we should have taken that as an indication to turn the damn thing off. On top of all of this, the film has literally nothing to do with Christmas apart from a circumstantial mall Santa and a thrown in Christmas party for some unknown reason. If these few things didn't exist, there's no way it would be considered a holiday movie.

Most movies that we dislike, we sit through in an effort to find something, anything good in it, but it was a Herculean struggle to sit through this film to completion. We wanted to turn it off within the first 8 minutes, but against all odds, we braved through to the end. You're welcome. Now that we are done writing this review, we shall bury this traumatic experience in the deep, dark recesses of our subconscious and never speak of it again.

My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: 5.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 30%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!
One year ago, we were watching: "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas"

Two years ago, we were watching: "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"

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