Monthly Movie Round-Up: July 2017

*Total In-Theater Movies Seen This Month: 10

*Total In-Theater Movies Seen This Year: 101

*What We Saw*

-The Big Sick
-Spider-Man: Homecoming
-Wish Upon
-War for the Planet of the Apes
-The Beguiled
-Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
-Dunkirk
-Girls Trip
-The Emoji Movie
-Atomic Blonde

*Notable Favorites*

-The Big Sick
-Spider-Man: Homecoming
-War for the Planet of the Apes

*Avoid At All Costs*

-Wish Upon
-The Emoji Movie

*Pleasant Surprises*

-Girls Trip

*Huge Disappointments*
-The Beguiled
-Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
-Atomic Blonde

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Movie Review: "Atomic Blonde" (2017)

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Movie: "Atomic Blonde"

Director: David Leitch
Year: 2017
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 55 minutes

An MI6 agent is asked to go to Berlin to retrieve a top secret list that has been stolen by a KGB operative. 

"Atomic Blonde" is directed by David Leitch. This is his first time directing a feature length film by himself, though he was an uncredited co-director of "John Wick." It is written by Kurt Johnstad, based on the graphic novel "The Coldest City" by Antony Johnston and Sam Hart. It stars Charlize Theron as MI6 agent Lorraine Broughton. It takes place in 1989 just prior to the fall of the Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain. Lorraine is sent to Berlin to retrieve a list of Soviet field agents that was taken from a French operative by a rogue KGB agent. Joining her is James McAvoy as her MI6 field contact David Percival, who is supposed to guide her through Berlin. Also in the film are Sofia Boutella, John Goodman, Toby Jones, Bill Skarsgård, and Eddie Marsan.

We have heard some critics call "Atomic Blonde" a female version of "John Wick," which to us is a bit of an erroneous comparison. It also may be a disservice to this film. Such a comparison may give viewers a certain expectation of what this movie should be, and they may be disappointed when it's not. Sure, there are a lot of tremendous action sequences similar to "John Wick" in terms of the way they are shot and choreographed, but that's really where the comparisons end. "Wick" is a balls-to-the-wall action revenge thriller, and "Atomic Blonde" is more of a mystery spy thriller with bouts of well-crafted action and glorious fighting sequences. When these moments of action do happen, they are fantastic and done well enough to keep the audience engaged, especially during the third act of the film when things really start to really pick up and get bloody. Charlize Theron is one badass actress. She plays her part with resounding conviction, though her character is muddled by the attempted twists in the story. James McAvoy is also a standout here as his dingy appearance and unconfirmed allegiance makes him a captivating character. These two actors are excellent.

This is a bit of a slower paced film, which is one of the problems we have with it. There are many moments when it drags on and on as it tries to set up a spy game of cat and mouse to see who will get the upper hand. There are many one-ups, twists, and turns, but we wish the mystery aspect had been more enthralling and unique. We found ourselves a little bored, though as we mentioned, it does pick up again in the third act. The color palette is very muted as the movie is set up in two parts: flashbacks and current day interrogations. The scenes washed in blues and grays happen on one side of the Berlin Wall and offer a cold tone to juxtapose the brighter, more neon pinks, greens, and aqua colors found on the other side of it. These bursts of color are sparse in comparison to the amount of muted tones. It might seem strange to say, but we think the difference in color added to the "blah-ness" feelings we felt midway through the movie. Luckily, there is a bitchin' 80's soundtrack that runs through the whole thing, and the way specific parts are set to specific songs enhances the viewing experience.

In the end, "Atomic Blonde" isn't as fantastic as we hoped it would be, but it is still a solid movie worth a watch if you're interested in such things. It's always fun to watch Charlize Theron kick major ass!

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My Rating: 6.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~75%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "XX" (2017)

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Movie: "XX"

Director: Roxanne Benjamin, Karyn Kusama, St. Vincent, & Jovanka Vuckovic
Year: 2017
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 20 minutes

An anthology featuring four horror short films from four different female directors.

Being an anthology, "XX" features four short stories, each by different female directors. In between each film is a creepy stop-motion interlude to transition one story to the next.

The first short is called "The Box," which is written and directed by Jovanka Vuckovic. It tells the story of a mother named Susan and her family. On a train ride home during the holidays, Susan's son inquires about a present sitting in a stranger's lap. Upon looking inside, he immediately stops eating altogether. As with most shorts, there isn't always a lot of time for explaining events in great detail, and if you are looking for an explanation in this particular story, you won't find it. This is a psychological horror about a mother dealing with the guilt of having concerns for her own needs and sometimes resenting her children. This first one is a bit of a slow burn horror that only enters into a disgusting gore-fest for one single sequence.

The second film in the anthology is "The Birthday Party," which is written and directed by Annie Clark. This segment stars Melanie Lynskey and is more of a dark comedy than a straight-up horror. Again, this story is about a mother who is throwing a birthday party for her daughter. A short time before the party is set to begin, she discovers that her husband, whom she thought was away on business, is not only back home, but is also dead from an apparent overdose. Now, this frantic mother and recent widow must hide this secret or potentially ruin her daughter's birthday. Much of this short involves Melanie Lynskey playing "hide the body" with her husband's limp corpse, which is darkly funny. This plays on the fear parents may have of doing something that will permanently scar their child.

Next up is "Don't Fall," written and directed by Roxanne Benjamin. This one involves four friends out in the desert on a camping trip. They stumble upon some old cave painting of evil spirits, which inexplicably turn one of the friends into a blood thirsty monster. Again, if you are looking to have every detail explained, short films may not be the medium for you. This is your basic creature feature with a lot of screaming and a lot of blood. This is a simple story that's not especially deep but is a super fun installment.

Finally, there is "Her Only Living Son," written and directed by Karyn Kusama. A woman has been hiding out for the last 18 years trying to keep her son safe from someone or something. Now that her son is becoming a man, it starts to become clear that he is a sadistic psychopath. He likes to cause others pain for his own enjoyment. The question is, how far will this mother go to keep her son safe? This short is our favorite of the series. It's clear that it has some inspiration from a specific classic horror picture. It could almost play as an indirect sequel to that particular legendary piece of cinema (which we can't disclose for spoiler purposes). Once you see it, you will know exactly what movie we are talking about. This is a bloody, awesome short film with a twisted premise that slowly unfolds to its creepy climax.

Like most anthologies, some of the shorts in "XX" are stronger than others. The weaker installments do drag the film down a little bit when looking at it as a whole. In the end, this is a solid anthology horror; it's definitely one of the better ones we've seen.

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My Rating: 6.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 6.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 72%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "The Emoji Movie" (2017)

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Movie: "The Emoji Movie"

Director: Tony Leondis
Year: 2017
Rating: PG
Running Time: 1 hour, 26 minutes

Emojis are only supposed to be one thing: their designated emoji. A "meh" emoji named Gene, who can change his emotions, seeks out help from a hacker in order to make him a normal "meh." Meanwhile, the head of the emojis, Smiler, sees Gene as a glitch and wants him deleted.

"The Emoji Movie" is the latest attempt at a blatant cash grab from Sony Pictures Animation. It stars the voice "talents" of T.J. Miller, Anna Faris, James Corden, and Maya Rudolph. All of these "actors" received a paycheck for their "efforts," and we hope said paychecks were substantial because they may be the last ones they ever get. These actors all play emojis, who are only supposed to do their assigned emoji thing, everyone except for Gene, played by Miller, who is essentially Divergent and has all of the emoji emotions. Just like in "Divergent," "The Emoji Movie" has a plot that revolves around the notion that if someone is more than one thing, they are a danger to society and must be eliminated until they discover their true selves, blah blah blah.

This movie is 💩 and we're not exaggerating. We sat in the theater looking like this 😐, then like this 😡, and finally like this 😠. We really wanted to be like 😂, but we couldn't even muster a 🙂. Please don't waste your💲on this piece of 🗑.

This movie (if we can actually call it a movie) is criminally unfunny and unbearably boring. It is so poorly written that a whopping zero of the jokes land. The animation is ugly. The editing is terrible. There is almost no enthusiasm in the voice over work. It has the same generic message about being true to yourself, even if you're different. We've seen this message hundreds of times in hundreds of other films. The only reason this feature exists is to deliberately separate moviegoers from their money. It offers little in return, just 90 minutes worth of app commercials. We kid you not: it's basically one long extended advertisement for apps like Dropbox, Spotify, Twitter, Candy Crush, and Just Dance.

The 20+ people in the crowd during our screening had no reactions to anything during this movie. None. Zero. Zip. We all sat in relative silence, except for the two annoying kids directly behind us who talked its entire run time. If we're being honest, we preferred their chatter to "The Emoji Movie" because it was far less painful. This movie sucks. It truly is one of the worst movies of 2017. Please do not give this piece of 💩 movie your money or your time, and if you have young children, don't subject them to this torture. Our YouTube video says it all:

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My Rating: 1/10
BigJ's Rating: 1/10
IMDB's Rating: ~1.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~6%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

July 2017 HorrorPack Subscription Box Review!

We're back with an unboxing of July 2017's HorrorPack subscription box! If you don't know about this service, each month, the company will send you four horror-themed DVDs or Blu-rays (and a different set of movies depending on which format you choose) right to your doorstep! The movies are yours to keep, which is the coolest part about it! What a neat service for fans of scary movies.

Let's jump into this month's box!

This first Blu-ray in this month's box is "The Babadook" (2014), a psychological horror drama. We reviewed this movie when it came out on video on demand several years ago and absolutely loved it. We don't own it, but we're sure glad to have it! That's the best thing about HorrorPack, they don't send just slasher movies. They send a wide variety of films from across all horror subgenres.

The next movie is one we had never heard of, 2014's "Killer Party." We were unsure of this one until we read the description. Per IMDb, "A group of friends get trapped at a baby shower when a mysterious outbreak starts turning people into homicidal maniacs." Sounds right up our alley! If it's anything like "Killer Pinata" from last month's HorrorPack, we will definitely enjoy this one. Apparently, "killer" in the title is the way to go!

The third film in this month's box is "Outpost: Rise of the Spetsnaz" (2013), which is apparently the third movie in this franchise. We've never heard of this series, but judging by the cover, this third entry is about nazi zombies in Russia?? We will have to begin this series from the beginning before we can watch this third entry, so be sure to stay tuned to this here website for the reviews come October's Halloween Horror Movie Marathon!

Finally, the last movie in the box is "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1978). 1978's version is our favorite version, and we don't already own it which is a huge plus! Donald Sutherland's creepy, iconic last frame of the movie will forever be etched into our brains, and we're stoked we get to re-watch this one on Blu-ray.

If you'd rather watch us unbox this and hear our in-depth thoughts on this box, take a look at our YouTube unboxing below!

Many thanks as always to HorrorPack for sending us this awesome package. If you'd like to subscribe to this service, click here to receive a discount on your first box!

Please be sure to check out HorrorPack all over the internet!

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Movie Review: "Boiler Room" (2000)

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Movie: "Boiler Room"
Director: Ben Younger
Year: 2000
Rating: R
Running Time: 2 hours, 0 minutes

A college dropout looking to earn a quick buck is hired at an off-Wall Street investment firm that's known for churning out young millionaire brokers. As he goes through his training, he starts to discover not everything at his firm is quite on the up and up.

"Boiler Room" is the feature film debut of writer/director Ben Younger. It stars Giovanni Ribisi as Seth Davis, a college dropout who is both intelligent and industrious. He wants nothing more than his father's approval, but can't find a way to get it no matter how hard he tries. In his latest attempt to win his father over, Seth gets a job at an off-Wall Street investment firm called J. T. Marlin, a company known for taking young men and turning them into millionaire brokers. Joining Ribisi are Nicky Katt, Vin Diesel, Jamie Kennedy, Nia Long, Scott Caan, Tom Everett Scott, and Ben Affleck.

This film is basically "The Wolf of Wall Street" 13 years before "The Wolf of Wall Street" was made. There is a good explanation for this because "Boiler Room" is inspired by the life of Jordan Belfort, whose biography was adapted into Scorsese's Academy Award nominated biopic in 2013 "The Wolf of Wall Street." This particular movie is a movie about men in their 20's who are obsessed with excess and getting wealthy. They can quote the film "Wall Street" word for word as if it were truth and gospel. They idolize Gordon Gekko, but seem to forget how poorly that particular movie ended for their idol. Under all this opulent display of wealth is the core of the story about one father-son relationship. Everything Seth Davis does is an attempt to earn his father's respect. Of course, his father isn't easily impressed and is very image-conscious as a publicly elected judge. The two go back and forth throughout the movie in very dramatic fashion as Seth seems damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. The drama doesn't end there as Seth's love interest Abbie, played by Nia Long, has a past history with his friend Greg, played by Nicky Katt, the person who brought him into the firm. Just when you thought there wasn't enough going on in this flick, an FBI and SEC investigation is added on for good measure.

On top of this drama is an engaging film with solid acting, including a young Ben Affleck doing his best-but-own version of Alec Baldwin's "Always Be Closing" monolog from "Glengarry Glenn Ross." "Boiler Room" is an interesting film and has a very early 2000's feel, but still manages to hold up relatively well. Unfortunately, it now has the disadvantage of being second best to Martin Scorsese's version of the story.

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My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 67%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "Girls Trip" (2017)

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Movie: "Girls Trip"

Director: Malcolm D. Lee
Year: 2017
Rating: R
Running Time: 2 hours, 2 minutes

A group of old college friends gets together for the first time in five years for a weekend in New Orleans.

"Girls Trip" is a comedy directed by Malcolm D. Lee, who has helmed films like "The Best Man," "The Best Man Holiday," and "Barbershop: The Next Cut." It stars Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Tiffany Haddish as college friends Ryan, Sasha, Lisa, and Dina, who call themselves the 'Flossy Posse.' The group is getting together for the first time in five years for a weekend in New Orleans. The women are looking to have a good time in every way imaginable. All expenses are paid by Ryan, who is going to be the keynote speaker at the Essence Music Festival. She is attending the event with her husband Stewart, played by Mike Colter. The two are looking to sign a lucrative Martha Stewart-type big box store deal as the faces of people who have  it all: a perfect marriage and a happy life, though their relationship isn't as perfect as it seems on the surface. Hilarity, drama, and Instagram models ensue.

Movies like this are nothing new. Tons of films with a similar setup exist in the world. Friends always need to get together and let loose, so thank god for places like Las Vegas and New Orleans. This movie is made in the tradition of other pictures like "The Hangover," "Bridesmaids," and to a lesser extent, last month's "Rough Night," which actually shares an extremely similar premise, minus the pesky murder thing.

Ensemble group comedies like "Girls Trip" heavily rely on the dynamic between their core actors in order to be successful. It's a wonderful thing these four women have fantastic chemistry with one another. We truly believe they could be friends in real life. This is what "Rough Night" lacked, a cohesive group of friends getting together despite their busy lives and personal dramas. Hall, Latifah, Smith, and Haddish all play extremely well off of each other and get some good banter going early in the movie. It's exactly like what happens when we get together with our friends: it's as if no time has passed at all. Their friendship picks up right where it left off as well, and the audience is thrown in the middle of the craziness.

We laughed a lot during this film, a lot more than we expected to considering the caliber of comedies 2017 has given us. One of the biggest standouts is Tiffany Haddish, whose enthusiasm and raucous comedy is infectious and amusing. Her character Dina is the wildest of this group of friends, and she seems up for pretty much anything at any time. This leads the ladies into tons of raucous situations full of entertainment. Some of the gags Haddish has to perform are downright outrageous, and our entire audience erupted in humongous bouts of laughter every time she was on screen. Haddish hasn't been in the acting game very long, but she has already been a hell of a lot funnier than several well-established comedians have been in their entire careers. She was one of the best parts of "Keanu," and now she can add this movie to her success pile.

In many ways, "Girls Trip" is a formulaic comedy. It's one we've seen executed many times before. There are a couple instances of overdone theatrics, but these moments aren't so bad that they bring the entire picture down as a result. All in all, the connections between the characters are solid, the entire thing made us laugh from start to finish, and it has believable characters doing raunchy, vulgar, gross things to keep the audience entertained. We laughed more during "Girls Trip" than we have during any other mainstream movie this year, which is the most important thing for us when we are watching comedies. The melodrama does get to be a bit much, but these instances are able to even out the grapefruit and booty hole jokes.

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My Rating: 7.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 7/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~88%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

Movie Review: "Tanna" (2016)

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Movie: "Tanna"

Director: Martin Butler & Bentley Dean
Year: 2017
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

Two members of a local tribe defy their elders, shun an arranged marriage, and decide to run off together in the hopes of marrying for love.

"Tanna" is directed by Martin Butler and Bentley Dean. It stars the people of the Yakel tribe, who comprise the entire cast. The film is said to be based on a local Yakel legend that has been told through song, one that bears a striking similarity to Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet." The two principal characters are played by Marie Wawa and Mungau Dain, who share the same names of the characters from the legend. The film is told in the native languages of Nauvhal and Nafe. Wawa and Dain are in love, but when Wawa is offered as a peace offering to a warring tribe to take part in an arranged marriage, she and Dain defy their elders and run off together for the sake of their unbreakable bond and their undying love for one another.

Being that this is a film which stars the people of the Yakel tribe, it means they are all first-time actors. We're not trying to be mean when we say it definitely shows, but we have to tell the truth. This is not a big Hollywood production with seasoned actors. Most of the individuals in this movie are doing little more than reading their lines. We can somewhat forgive the emotionally flat acting considering they are all amateurs retelling an old folktale from their tribe. It was a bold and somewhat commendable move on the part of the crew of "Tanna" to use locals as actors rather than seeking out professionals to fill the major roles, and it gives the picture a sense of authenticity that would have been otherwise lacking.

The best part of this film is by far the cinematography, which was done by Bentley Dean himself. The scenery is extremely gorgeous considering it is shot in a forest/jungle setting on this volcanic island. Lush leaves, tall trees, sun-swept beaches, and molten lava fill the background with intensity, color, and vigor. These captivating images shot by Dean offset the nasty nature of the story as this woman and man are forced to either leave each other behind to follow tradition or to forge their own path and be shunned by everything and everyone they have ever loved.

As we mentioned above, this story feels all too familiar. Though it is one of this tribe's folk tales, it's a standard star-crossed lovers narrative. Two young people forced to pick between love and duty. It is not surprising which they pick, and quite frankly, neither is the ultimate outcome for that matter. The film feels a bit slow at times and isn't always super engaging. Despite all of this, it was nominated for best foreign language film at the 89th annual Oscars. We feel, however, "Tanna" was nominated more for its behind-the-scenes choices, such as its unique casting and technological attributes, which are far more compelling than what actually wound up on screen. The movie isn't terrible, it's just far from the best foreign film we saw in 2016.

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My Rating: 6/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Top 10 Best Steve Martin Movies!

Steve Martin is one of our favorite actors. We decided to watch his entire filmography in order to figure out what we thought were the TOP 10 BEST STEVE MARTIN MOVIES! This was quite an undertaking. Martin has acted in over 40 films since the 1970's, can you believe it? So, which of his movies made the list? Take a look at our video below for the answers! We hope you enjoy this video, and please subscribe to our YouTube channel if you haven't already done so!

What's YOUR favorite Steve Martin movie?! Please let us know in the comments of this post, or leave a comment on our video!

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Movie Review: "Dunkirk" (2017)

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Movie: "Dunkirk"

Director: Christopher Nolan
Year: 2017
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 46 minutes

A chronicling of the evacuation at Dunkirk that followed the defeat of the allied forces.

"Dunkirk" is written and directed by Christopher Nolan, who is known for directing "The Dark Knight" trilogy as well as "The Prestige" and "Memento." His latest film is a war drama about the evacuation at Dunkirk during the Second World War. There is a large cast, who play soldiers trying to escape and the civilian sailors coming to rescue them. Some of the more recognizable cast members are Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance, Kenneth Branagh, Cillian Murphy, and Harry Styles, yes, the Harry Styles of One Direction fame. The story is told across three timelines from three different perspectives of the battle from the land, the sea, and the air. It looks at the perspective of the soldiers on the beach over the period of a week, the perspective of the civilian sailors over a day, and the perspective of the air force pilot over an hour.

This movie is visual storytelling at its finest. It serves to immerse the audience in the hell-fire and tension of battle more than anything else. From the moment "Dunkirk" begins until the second it ends, the audience is put in the thick of World War II on a sandy beach with guns blazing, planes soaring, bombs flying, soldiers running and ducking, and scores of nameless troopers lined up awaiting safe passage home. There isn't a whole heck of a lot of dialogue. There aren't many identifiable characters, at least not in the traditional sense. The people in this movie are not overly developed beyond their posts, such as fleeing soldier, shivering soldier, heroic fighter pilot, or commanding officer. The most developed character in the film is Mark Rylance's Mr. Dawson, his son Peter, played by Tom Glynn-Carney, and Peter's friend George, played by Barry Keoghan, as well as Tommy, played by Fionn Whitehead, though their principle archetype is to represent patriotic English citizens doing different duties in the name of their country. These characters all have the same look, hairstyle, hair colors, and body type, and this is clearly done on purpose. This is probably Nolan's most minimalist film yet.

We have to imagine the majority of the script for "Dunkirk" simply included screen direction and sound effects like "vroooooom," "ratatatatata," several "boom!s" and lots of "ahhhhhhh!s." These sound effects are coupled with the occasional line of impactful dialogue like, "you can practically see it from here," "I'm not going back," and "we have to do what's right." We mean it when we say there's a lot of action in this flick. In fact, Nolan hardly gives the crowd a second to catch their breath. After all, this is a war picture, so we expect no less. The sounds of battle, the crunching of sand, the looming bombs, the flying planes, the precision-point score, all of the auditory elements are extraordinary, and they are relentless, never letting up for one second throughout its run time. Despite all of this, this is one of the least bloody modern war films we have seen, not that we necessarily need blood and carnage to understand the brutality of war. Some viewers may find this project lacking because of the absence of gore. We can also understand some moviegoers not getting emotionally invested due to the lack of character development as this is where we landed ourselves. However, this is clearly a "big picture" spectacle movie, but Nolan has been accused in the past of being emotionally cold as a filmmaker, and while we disagree, the lack of character development here doesn't really help his case.

"Dunkirk" is visually stunning and gorgeously shot. What Christopher Nolan is able to do with a camera is nothing short of fantastic. He puts the audience right in the thick of the battle of Dunkirk and makes us feel every twist and turn from the planes in the sky, every splash and sway from the boats in the ocean, and every sound and explosion from bombs being dropped on the British soldiers. The editing is fantastic as the three timelines are cut together to make sure the tension and excitement remain high throughout its run time. Nolan's use of practical effects over digital ones serves to enhance the look, feel, and authenticity of this movie. The cinematography is stunning, and Hans Zimmer does it again with a haunting, ticking score that elevates the final product. Our one big critique of the movie is Nolan's choice to keep the bulk of the characters nameless and (relatively) faceless. Some people will love this choice, but it was a bit of a rub for us. We wanted to be able to root for these individuals and wish for their ultimate survival but we didn't feel a connection to them since they aren't really developed. Despite this minor critique, "Dunkirk" is yet another solid offering from Nolan and gives a unique perspective on how to approach a war film when they are a dime a dozen in Hollywood.

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My Rating: 8/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~8.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~92%
Do we recommend this movie: Yes!

Movie Review: "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" (2017)

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Movie: "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets"

Director: Luc Besson
Year: 2017
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 17 minutes

Major Valerian and his partner Sergeant Laureline are sent on a mission to retrieve an almost extinct creature that may play a key role in saving the giant intergalactic space station known as Alpha.

"Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" is a sci-fi action adventure movie written and directed by Luc Besson, who is known for directing the films "The Fifth Element," "Leon: The Professional," and more recently, "Lucy." It is based on the French graphic novel series "Valerian and Laureline" that ran between 1967 and 2010. The film stars Dane DeHaan as the titular Valerian, and joining him is Cara Delevigne as his partner Laureline. They are two special operatives in charge of keeping the peace. Their latest mission is to retrieve a piece of government property, a creature known as a 'converter,' which is the last of its species. It is believed this creature can play a key role in saving the massive space port called Alpha, which is home to 30 million life forms from across the galaxy.

The one thing abundantly clear right out of the gate is that "Valerian" is a gorgeous, creative film visually. It is full of imaginative creatures, interesting costumes, and vibrant, bright colors. The look of this film is very similar to Besson's "The Fifth Element" in this respect. We had high hopes for this new sci-fi franchise, hoping it would have interesting characters who go on some great adventures. Unfortunately, "Valerian" is very much style over substance, and the same can be said for the bulk of Besson's career. It's a flashy car driven by a man who has no sense of direction and not the slightest idea where his destination even is.

The film starts out fine enough, but the longer it goes on, the more it flounders. We also didn't dig the banter between DeHaan and Delevigne. The two didn't really have much chemistry, and it doesn't help that Delevigne can't deliver her lines with much passion. We really can't understand the fascination with her as an actress, but really, DeHaan isn't doing much better here. There are times when the dialogue is clearly meant to be quippy and humorous, and these instances fall flat most of the time, in large part due to their lack of timing. There are a few scenes that are absolutely extraordinary in terms of their sci-fi wonderment, but what goes on in between each of these moments is an incoherent mess that seems to have one goal: fit as many unique and different looking aliens and cool visuals into every single second. It's like Besson looked through all the comics to find the scenes he wanted to adapt the most and created a weak narrative in an attempt to connect them together.

We would like to say we could recommend "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets," but it falls just a little bit too short in the story department and is a bit too messy for our liking despite its outstanding and beautiful visual spectacle.

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My Rating: 5.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5.5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~54%
Do we recommend this movie: Meh.

Movie Review: "The Beguiled" (2017)

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Movie: "The Beguiled"

Director: Sofia Coppola
Year: 2017
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

In Civil War-era Virginia, a group of young women at a boarding school find and nurse an injured Union soldier back to health. His presence and charm, however, cause tension and jealousy among the women.

"The Beguiled" is written and directed by Sofia Coppola, who is known for films like "The Virgin Suicides" and "Lost in Translation." It is an adaption of the novel "A Painted Devil" by Thomas P. Cullinan, which was previously adapted into a film also called "The Beguiled" starring Clint Eastwood from the 1970's. This version stars Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning, Oona Laurence, Angourie Rice, Emma Howard, and Addison Riecke, who make up the students and teachers at a girls boarding school in the Confederate state of Virginia three years into the Civil War. Joining them is Colin Farrell, who plays injured Union soldier Corporal John McBurney, who the women take in in order to nurse him back to health. John is very charming, and the girls and women who live in the boarding school try their best to impress him the second he hobbles through the door. They give him little gifts, they come into his room and talk with him even though they aren't allowed, they wear lavish jewelry and fancy dresses to impress him, etc. John does not rebuff these advances, and in fact, relishes in the attention. He openly and outwardly flirts with a couple of the women, wooing them by asking about their hopes and dreams in an attempt to gain favor with them. This leads to drama, in-fighting, and jealousy inside the house.

When we saw the trailer for "The Beguiled," we got really excited for it. It was cut in a way that gave it a "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" revenge thriller feel. We hadn't seen the original film (we purposefully avoided it in order to come into this version with no preconceived notions) and we hadn't read the book, so we knew nothing of the source materials. We are a little bewildered that this movie is not as the studio sold it to be.

For the most part, it winds up being a bit of a stodgy dramatic period piece/Civil War western where several women fawn over a man who has fallen into their laps. There are some tense moments later on in its run time, but we feel like most of the tension stems from an overreaction to an accident that occurs during an argument rather than genuine malice. Dunst's Edwina Morrow wants to be taken far away from the boarding house, Fanning's Alicia finds herself bored with her monotonous studies and wants to shake things up by flirting with McBurney, and Kidman's Miss Martha Farnsworth won't admit it, but could use a helping hand around the house since she's has been doing everything herself for God knows how long. Are these ladies beguiled by Firth, is he compelling them to fight amongst themselves for his affections, or do they see him as the way out of their individual situations? Luckily, the picture is excellently acted. Every single person in this picture is cast perfectly, from the innocent Amy, played by Laurence, to the coquettish Alicia, played by Fanning. Kidman, Dunst, and Farrell dominate the screen with their commanding portrayals. The costumes are extremely well made and look appropriate for their time, and the entire film is beautiful, hauntingly shot by Sofia Coppola.

Though anchored by four tremendous performances from Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, Colin Farrell, and Elle Fanning, "The Beguiled" winds up being a movie that's better looking than anything else, which may have been the opposite of what it intended to do. The story leaves a lot to be desired despite the occasional fantastic line of biting dialogue. It's only sporadically intriguing, and most of the engaging parts happen as the film winds down. BigJ found himself fighting off yawns for much of the first two acts, and while I was invested in the movie the whole way through, I will admit, there's a little too much "waiting for the other shoe to drop" for my liking. There's probably something to be said about how preconceived notions affect our judgment, and in turn, our actions, but it sadly isn't explored in the most entertaining fashion.

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My Rating: 6.5/10
BigJ's Rating: 5/10
IMDB's Rating: ~7.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~77%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Movie Review: "iBoy" (2017)

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Movie: "iBoy"

Director: Adam Randall
Year: 2017
Rating: NR
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

After Tom walks in on a gang of attackers assaulting his crush, he runs away. The attackers give chase. As Tom attempts to phone the police, he is shot, and the bullet embeds a piece of his smartphone into his brain, which has unexpected side effects. Now, Tom is out for revenge.

"iBoy" is the second feature film directed by Adam Randall. It is based on a novel of the same name by Kevin Brooks. The film stars Bill Milner as Tom, who eventually becomes the titular iBoy after having a piece of his smartphone embedded into his head by a bullet. Joining him is Maisie Williams as Lucy, the girl Tom has had a crush on for as long as he can remember. It is at Lucy's apartment where Tom walks in on a gang who have just attacked and raped her. Scared and unsure what to do, Tom runs and is eventually met with a bullet. Upon waking from his attack, he starts to discover he has unexpected powers, and now has a means for revenge. He becomes iBoy, you know, because he is a boy and has a piece of an iPhone stuck in his head, so now he's iBoy.....get it?!

This British sci-fi quasi-superhero flick has a pretty absurd concept, but really, what superhero film doesn't? The idea of someone getting a smartphone chip lodged in their brain by a bullet which gives them superpowers is a kind of a weak premise. Then again, redundantly so, so are many superhero origin stories. If you can accept this premise, you may somewhat enjoy this film. It's a British urban superhero story that attempts to have some grit and drama added on top of an already dramatic premise. It deals with gangs, rape, and murder, which are clearly much more mature themes and plot points than we had imagined from a movie called "iBoy." In some ways, this might hurt the movie as a whole. This is obviously a project geared towards teenagers with a title such as this, but the themes may be far too weighty for a lot of young adults.

Though this is a superhero flick heavy on the drama, it isn't completely absent of fun as Tom's abilities, no matter how ridiculous they are imbibed to him, are pretty cool. He can interact with other electronics with only the power of his iMind...ugh, these silly names make it really hard to write a serious review. There are a couple moments of tension and brief spurts of action, but the pacing is a bit slow, which can make this rather short movie feel much longer than it is. The acting is only passable, unfortunately. Maisie Williams gives the most notable performance as a young woman attempting to deal with the aftermath of being brutally raped, and honestly, she's too good for a low-level picture like this.

In the end, though not a complete waste of time, "iBoy" winds up being much darker than we expected, and it's ultimately a forgettable, rather pedestrian affair with some cheesy fight choreography and a predictable premise. It's got some interesting elements and visuals that are hurt by its dopey premise and lack of capable acting.

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My Rating: 5/10
BigJ's Rating: 6/10
IMDB's Rating: 6.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

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Movie Review: "The Fifth Element" (1997)

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Movie: "The Fifth Element"

Director: Luc Besson
Year: 1997
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 6 minutes

Four element stones, along with the fifth element, must be brought to Earth to fight off an impending evil that's only purpose is to destroy life.

"The Fifth Element" is written and directed by Luc Besson, who is known for directing movies like "Leon: The Professional" and "La Femme Nikita." It stars Milla Jovovich as the titular "Fifth Element" Leeloo, the prime element in the Mondoshawan-developed weapon that has the power to defeat the life-destroying evil. It also stars Bruce Willis as a cab driver and former special forces Major Korben Dallas, who helps Leeloo in her quest to stop the ultimate evil. Joining them are Ian Holm as Father Vito Cornelius, the keeper of the key and the Earth contact of the Mondoshawan, Gary Oldman as Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, a wicked industrialist aiding the ultimate evil in its destruction of Earth, and Chris Tucker as entertainment personality Ruby Rhod, who is the comic relief side character who gets trapped in the chaos.

Speaking of chaos, that's actually a good word to describe "The Fifth Element" as a whole. There is a whole lot of it in this flick, and every scene seems to get progressively more chaotic than the last. As the minutes' tick by, the film gets more and more complex. There are a lot of moving parts and characters adding to this sci-fi action adventure. Somehow through it all, director Luc Besson manages to squeeze a coherent narrative out of it. Sure, it is a bit contrived at times. Much of what happens is convenient to the plot or is simply luck encountered by the characters, but in the words of Maximus Decimus Meridius, "are you not entertained?" This film is colorful and vibrant with a lot of wonderful makeup work, interesting sets pieces and brilliant costumes, and tremendous, otherworldly, fantastic special effects. It is quite the visual smorgasbord, and the movie is almost worth watching for these effects alone. It really is like being transported to the future. The acting isn't all that great, though we do love Bruce Willis doing his snarky, dry witted, tough guy routine. We also enjoy Gary Oldman's over-the-top maniacal antagonist and Chris Tucker's outrageous, gif-able personality as Ruby Rhod, but the acting isn't exactly "good." Speaking of Willis and Oldman, this movie does have a unique bit of trivia. Gary Oldman is one of the primary antagonists and Bruce Willis is the hero character of the story, and yet they never share a single scene together. Their plans keep interfering with one another as they work for opposite goals, but the two never actually cross paths.

We really enjoy "The Fifth Element" because of the lively, energetic colors and costumes, the action packed thrills, the humorous comedy, and the wonder of this in-depth world. It's quite an enjoyable viewing experience for sci-fi lovers.

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My Rating: 7/10
BigJ's Rating: 7.5/10
IMDB's Rating: 7.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 72%
Do we recommend this movie: Sure, why not?

Shaker & Spoon Subscription Box Review!

We have another special post for you today! We were sent a subscription box from Shaker & Spoon to review on the site! For those who don't know, Shaker & Spoon is a subscription box service unlike any other. This one is all about alcoholic beverages, and if you know us, you know we often like to partake in some delicious cocktails while watching movies at home and in the cinema! We're going to review each drink and pair them with movies we think you'll love while sipping in style!

Let's break down this service a little bit more, shall we? Each box comes with everything you need to make three completely different drinks, and each box revolves around one specific liquor. All of the ingredients you need to make these drinks are provided in the box except for the booze. Why you might ask? Well, several states have restrictions about shipping alcohol, so this way, the box can be shipped anywhere in the U.S. and doesn't need a signature when delivered to your house. Each box costs $50/month, and the price goes down a little bit if you subscribe to a 3-month, 6-month, or 12-month plan. We think this is such a fantastic, interesting way to try alcoholic beverages you never thought to try on your own! Without further adieu, let's jump into this box!

Here's a picture of all the ingredients! This box was February's "Time to Afterparty" box, which the company still had available for us to review. Now, we are *huge* champagne/sparkling wine fans, so this jumped out at us immediately. We decided to go with this one because we almost always have a bottle of bubbly around the house, you know, just in case of a spontaneous brunch. We took our time to make these three drinks, and then over the next few weeks, we made them again to test how the syrups held up! And speaking of syrups, the other awesome part about Shaker & Spoon is they make all of their syrups in-house! Take a look at some of the ones they sell here.

The first drink we decided to make was The Original Sin. Here's the drink recipe:

Holy. Cow. This drink was phenomenal! This was my absolute favorite drink from the box. We were a little bit concerned when we pulled out the syrup and saw "apple-balsamic shrub" because we wondered what the hell that was! Balsamic vinegar in a syrup for a drink!? WEIRD. It's not weird at all, IT'S GENIUS. This drink tastes like a little bit of fall in the thick of summer. It's invigorating and crisp from the shrub with a little kick from the bitters, all rounded out nicely with the bubbly. Mmmmm. It was so sad when this syrup ran out! It's delish!

This drink may get you hot and bothered, so here are some movies you might want to watch while drinking The Original Sin:

• "Original Sin" (2001), starring Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas (an obvious choice, sure, but it doesn't get much more sinful than this!)
• "9 1/2 Weeks" (1986), starring Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger (that scene in the kitchen...*shivers*)
• "Body Heat" (1981), starring William Hurt and Kathleen Turner (because nothing says spicy like Hurt and Turner!)

The second drink we got to make was the Time After Thyme cocktail. It had the following instructions:

I really enjoyed this one, and this was BigJ's favorite of the bunch. Again, we got nervous about the cucumber-thyme syrup and the celery bitters because it's got things you wouldn't normally put together in a cocktail. By God, those flavors meld together extremely well to create a fragrant, refreshing, bright, zesty, complex drink. So good. Just don't get curious and try the celery bitters without anything else because "you just want to see what bitters tastes like" on its own. Bad decision!

Here are some movies you might enjoy while sipping on your Time After Thyme beverage:

• "The Hundred-Foot Journey" (2014), starring Helen Mirren and Manish Dayal (because sometimes you have to put a new twist on an old classic)
• "Julie & Julia" (2009), starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams (because when you think of spices, who do you think of? Julia Child!)
• "About Time" (2013), starring Domhnall Gleeson and Rachel McAdams (because while time is fleeting, you can enjoy this drink all movie long)

Last up is the Chinese New Year cocktail. Here's the drink recipe:

We love Chinese five-spice. We've used it in our cooking for a couple of years, ever since we saw our favorite local chef Sam the Cooking Guy use it in a chicken recipe and subsequently found out that Trader Joe's carried it for super cheap. This one seemed the most straightforward of the trio, so we assumed it'd be our favorite. Upon the first sip, BigJ and I both really liked it. After a while, however, the flavors got extremely overwhelming. The syrup overpowered everything else in the recipe. We tried this one two other times over the course of the month to see if our minds had changed, and they hadn't. It's not bad by any means, it's just a very specific flavor that you need to brace yourself for when enjoying.

Here are some of our favorite movies that are spicy, colorful, and intricate, just like the Chinese New Year drink:

• "Hero" (2002), starring Jet Li, Tony Chiu-Wai Leung, Maggie Cheung (because it's one of the most gorgeous movies we've ever seen, and it highlights the beauties of China by bringing together the country into one cohesive nation)
• "Brotherhood of the Wolf" (2001), starring Samuel Le Bihan, Mark Dacascos, and Jérémie Renier (because it's French with a little bit of an Asian influence)
• "Brazil" (1985), starring Jonathan Pryce, Robert De Niro, and Kim Greist (because it's intricate and complex, but may be a bit of an acquired taste)

Thanks very much to Shaker & Spoon for letting us try this incredible subscription box! We loved this one and really enjoyed being taken out of our comfort zone to discover some great new flavors! Are you planning on trying this subscription box?

Please be sure to check out Shaker & Spoon all over the internet!

ShakerAndSpoon.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

*We were sent this subscription box for an honest review. We were not further compensated for this post and all opinions are our own.

Movie Review: "War for the Planet of the Apes" (2017)

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Movie: "War for the Planet of the Apes"

Director: Matt Reeves
Year: 2017
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 20 minutes

A crazed human, known only as "The Colonel," leads his soldiers in an attempt to wipe out all remaining apes. Caesar and his fellow apes want peace, but The Colonel has no intention of letting that happen.

"War for the Planet of the Apes" is the third film in the new "Planet of the Apes" prequel series. It is directed by Matt Reeves, who directed the second film in the series, "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes."  It stars Andy Serkis, who returns in the leading role of Caesar, the leader of the apes. New to the series is Woody Harrelson, who plays the film's antagonist simply known as 'The Colonel.' This man commands a troop of rogue soldiers who are hell-bent on destroying all of the remaining apes. Humans fear they are on the verge of extinction, and they blame the apes for their situation instead of understanding it was the actions of humans themselves that led to their own downfall.

Despite the title of this film, it is not a big war picture. This is a far more dramatic, humanistic story rather than a war-time action epic. It is extremely well written, a deeply involving and engaging story with endearing characters. Andy Serkis is nothing short of brilliant in the role of Caesar, and he always has been. He brings a tremendous, heart-wrenching presence to this role, and the picture is better because of his incredibly detailed performance. It is sad Serkis doesn't get the recognition he deserves for his work, just because he primarily does motion capture performances. Award shows need to start recognizing this more modern style of performance because behind all of the little white dots and a digital overlay is a man giving one of the best performances of the year. Another notable mo-cap performance comes from Karen Konoval, who has played the orangutan named Maurice throughout the whole series. Maurice has always been the heart and soul of the ape clan, and her performance truly brings this character to life in a sensational way. Also in the film is Steve Zahn, who is superb as the newly introduced character named Bad Ape. Bad Ape offers up some lighthearted comedy in an otherwise emotionally weighty, solemn film.

The visual effects are unbelievably fantastic. They are staggering to look at, an absolutely pristine sight. Everything from the apes themselves to snowy hillsides, from a forest rainstorm to mossy trees. If we didn't know better, we could be led to believe that Reeves actually taught apes to talk and ride horses, that's how good the effects are. We have made it known throughout the years that we prefer practical effects in movies. If and when they can be done, we feel they should be used. Here, we've never once cared about the use of digital effects because they are some of the best we have ever seen, and this is no exaggeration.

"War for the Planet of the Apes" emotionally connects the audience to these characters, partially due to the realism of the visual effects combined with the aforementioned motion capture performances. We found ourselves moved by this wonderfully written story and the thematic undertones it carries. This picture is one of both brutality and hope, of combat and peace, of hatred and understanding, and we loved every harrowing second of it. If this is the end of the series, this was a stellar way to close it out. Matt Reeves and everyone involved with this project should be proud of themselves, and we hope this film gets recognized come awards season!

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My Rating: 9/10
BigJ's Rating: 9/10
IMDB's Rating: ~8.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: ~95%
Do we recommend this movie: ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Movie Review: "Wish Upon" (2017)

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Movie: "Wish Upon"

Director: John R. Leonetti
Year: 2017
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes

A high school girl is gifted a Chinese wishing box by her father, who found it in the trash. This mysterious box gives her seven wishes, but every wish she makes has fatal consequences.

"Wish Upon" is directed by John R. Leonetti, who is famous for unleashing the horrible movies "Annabelle," "The Butterfly Effect 2," and "Mortal Komabt: Annihilation" upon the world. It stars Joey King as Clare, an outcast high school student. Clare gets a magical Chinese wishing box from her father, played Ryan Phillippe, as an early birthday gift. Of course, her father didn't know it was a wishing box, he just thought it was a cool little trinket he found in the trash because apparently, that's his job??? This box has a little caveat: every time Clare makes one of her seven wishes, someone dies, but damn if she doesn't keep on wishin' anyway! Also in the movie are Ki Hong Lee, Shannon Purser, and Sydney Park, as well as several others.

PG-13 rated horror movies have been a huge deal ever since that rating system got put in place. In the last decade plus, however, we've seen Hollywood gravitate towards them more frequently for several reasons. PG-13 horror films are usually made for very, very cheap, they have B-to-D-list stars in them (ones who don't come with big flashy budgets), and they almost always make their money back and then some. Very few of these projects are also critical successes, like 2015's "The Visit," which cost $5 million to make and took in around $98 million worldwide. Unfortunately, this mentality also applies to terrible, awful, bottom of the barrel crap movies like 2015's "The Gallows," which only cost $2 million to make and made $42 million worldwide, as well as the first "Ouija" movie from 2014, which cost $5 million to make and went on to make a whopping, unbelievable, unnecessary $100 million worldwide. Now, we have "Wish Upon" to add to the shitpile.

This film is very reminiscent of the old short story "The Monkey's Paw," which pretty much has the same exact plot. People make wishes that come true but those wishes have dire consequences. Most people are probably familiar with this story because "The Simpsons did it" in their "Treehouse of Horror II," which adapted this short for one of its segments in 1991. In addition, many have said this and we will say it as well. All of the deaths that happen in "Wish Upon" are essentially overt, sanitized ripoffs of the ones that happen in "Final Destination." They always occur by some elaborate accident caused by some unforeseen force. The main difference is, unlike "Final Destination," which is super bloody, almost all of the deaths in "Wish Upon" occur just off screen after a quick cutaway because it has to keeps its ~*oh so necessary~* PG-13 rating. Come on, they wouldn't want their movie to actually be good anything!

The acting in this movie is horrible. Not one person puts on a good performance, even a seasoned actor like Phillippe. Honestly, this has a lot to do with the atrocious writing. Every character is written to be a complete caricature and no one is believable, but really, what did we expect from a script with lines like, "I was just trying to think of somethin' dope to say before I kissed you," and "you dad is hot sauce, like, sriracha hot sauce." Jesus jumped up Christ, was this movie written by a 13-year-old girl?

We have a hunch nothing will top "The Bye Bye Man" for the #1 worst horror movie of 2017, but "Wish Upon" comes pretty damn close. For the first 25 or so minutes, it's nothing more than an asinine, boring teenage fantasy with a couple of jump scares thrown in so it could be classified as a horror. Therein lies the biggest problem: this movie just isn't scary. In fact, it's nowhere near the realm of scary. There are only one or two gross-out moments, and beyond that, as we mentioned, all there is is an occasional, ineffective, unnecessary, and unrelatable jump scare. It's very cliche, and even includes an exposition lady who tells the audience everything they need to know about this cursed object. Is there a bigger horror trope than the mysterious exposition person? 

We tried really, really hard to forgive the sins "Wish Upon" committed early on, but after seeing no scares, no tension, no thrills, a minute amount of  blood, an overabundance of silliness, ten thousand horror movie cliches, and far too many saxophones solos in the night throw at us for 90 minutes in a completely empty theater, we just couldn't do it to ourselves anymore, and neither should you. At least we got to "Mystery Science Theater 3000" the hell out of this movie in our own "private screening," which was the only thing keeping us in the cinema.

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My Rating: 2/10
BigJ's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: 4.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 23%
Do we recommend this movie: AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!